Let’s get one thing straight. I love Chris Bosh. He makes us lanky, wiry, tall guys look really good.
But after his decisions of late, he’s falling out of favor faster than JaMarcus Russell.
When you weigh as much as Russell, that’s pretty fast.
The latest news out of free agent-palooza is that the Toronto Raptors have green-lit a trade sending Bosh to the Cleveland Cavaliers, according to ESPN.com. This allows the only man on earth to look like a Velociraptor to join the NBA’s Tyrannosaurus Rex.
This trade would make one of the best dynamic duos since Penn and Teller. So it comes as a surprise when the person who stands to gain the most turns the idea down.
CB4, what are you thinking? Are you lost in Lindsay Lohan’s medicine chest?
Bosh gets the NBA on a platter if he just takes this deal. Not only that, but this trade actually makes everyone involved a winner.
With LeBron and Bosh together, the Cavaliers will end up with more bling than Mr. T, while the rest of the NBA will lose more than Henry Clay.
Like Cleveland cares about others losing. It’s been the city’s thing for decades, so someone else should get a turn.
Sure, the Cavs have to give up some pieces. Anderson Varejao and J.J. Hickson are nice role players, but look at the recent history of NBA dynasties. The Lakers, Bulls, and Spurs all had one-two punches, and they took home the glory.
Do you want to win, Bosh? Cleveland’s got your ticket to Disneyland.
Even with the trade, the Cavs still have a great supporting cast, as a starting five of Mo Williams, Jamario Moon, LeBron, Bosh, and Zydrunas Ilgauskas is leaps and bounds ahead of the rest of the East.
Can you imagine if they went small, putting Bosh at center with Antawn Jamison at power forward?
The Cavs would have more weapons than T.I.’s garage.
But no, Bosh just has to be difficult. SI.com reported Tuesday that Bosh has nixed this sign-and-trade opportunity, only citing that Bosh doesn’t want to play in Cleveland.
Let me guess, Bosh thinks that going to Miami or New York will increase his fame to international superstar status, right? Yet at the same time, he thinks he can achieve said status on the same team as James or Wade?
Bosh is failing to grasp the concept that unless he goes somewhere without the King or Flash, he’s always No. 2.
Look at Michael Jordan and Scottie Pippen. Pippen was a great player in his own right, but Jordan gets nearly all the acclaim and attention for those teams. Even in a big city like Chicago, Pippen never could reach the same global love as Jordan, because MJ had a bigger shadow than Marlon Brando.
The situation parallels the one Bosh is in. No matter where he goes with those guys, he will be the second best, and likely the second most popular player on the floor. The city becomes irrelevant.
Just like Cleveland!
Now, Bosh could try to go to another team by himself and be the top dog again. But his days in Toronto (and rail-thin physique) clearly show that he cannot carry the world on his shoulders like Atlas.
This is why every sports outlet on Earth thinks that Bosh is a Siamese twin with either James or Wade.
So why not choose the best of the two guys?
The contract Bosh signs this offseason is likely the last big one of his career, unless he has Cal Ripken, Jr.-esque stamina. There should be no one out there hating on him getting his fatty deal inked before the new bargaining agreement next year.
Plus, if Joe Johnson’s playoff sub-Mendoza line performance can make him the highest-paid person south of the Mason-Dixon line, Bosh should get at least that much.
My advice to Bosh: Be selfish.
Take all the money you can, chase rings like Gollum, and dominate the NBA. If your only qualm is that you don’t like Cleveland, I’m sure your $120 million can pay for a virtual reality simulator that makes you feel like you're on Waikiki Beach.
Yeah, Oahu’s water doesn’t light on fire like Cleveland’s, but with all your championship ice, you can keep the city cool.