To the average American sports fan, the euphoria surrounding the World Cup can seem, at a minimum, silly, and at best, overwhelming.
For a sport in which so few points are scored, surely there must be more to it, right?
As we've discovered in these recent weeks, there is definitely more to it. Half the show, and the fun, is in the stands, where the fans of each nation's team come to show their team spirit in a variety of splendid ways.
Almost completely clothed and sexy as hell.
This will not be the theme of this slideshow.
Excuse me, ma'am, but someone seems to have ripped your jersey.
We have a fresh one here if you would like.
Oh, you meant to do that?
If the angle of the camera behind this World Cup fan is any indication, this is a nice outfit from behind as well.
So, their country is called The Netherlands, but it is also called Holland. Their citizens are called Dutch—not Netherlandish or Hollish—which makes them sound like, if anything, they'd be from Denmark. Their average yearly rainfall . . .
Oh, did you not want to talk about this stuff right now?
"You want me to turn around and face away from you while you take my picture?
Okay, silly. I don't get it, but okay."
We're not sure why people think this sort of thing is hot, but it is what it is.
And football hearts you, too.
Ma'am, we suggest that you move away from this man, and quickly.
What he has in mind for you looks to be very painful.
Ladies and Gentlemen, we have a winner for the Gwyneth Paltrow-crossed-with-Taylor Swift Contest.
Is it or isn't it?
Too close to call.
Maybe soccer does need replay.
We don't care what anyone says: scantily-clad soccer fans are hotter when they're touching each other.
Was the Star Wars bed sheet taken?
This tank-top was hardly revealing at all before she rolled it up.
We guess her shirt says it all.
We're gonna need more of those "Argentina 10" shirts.
We don't know when they first started writing team names on the back of girls' shorts, but we approve.
The person to this girl's right wants you to realize she's holding a flag.
Okay, we think you're funny, too.
Call me crazy, but she's yawning.
And hello to you, too!
You'll have to resort to Google for the before shot.
Not to give it away, but your search terms rhyme with "bipple flips."
"Wait a minute, we're going to a SOCCER GAME? You told me we were going to the Miss Sweden pageant!"
Two years later and the French are still so excited about Obama for President that they paint his campaign logo on their bellies.
She's pointing as if to say something.
It's either "German flag" or "boob."
This girl is so popular, she brings her own post-game interview backdrop.
"I told you we would need tickets."
"I know, I know. I just thought, what with us being hot, and this great soccer ball bikini top I got, they'd let us in for sure."
Brazil: Where blond twins in soccer jerseys and hoop earrings happen.
This Argentina fan is:
a) In the afterglow of a Justin Timberlake appearance;
b) Hoping for a try out in Michael Bay's remake of Top Gun; or
c) The Unabomber.
Hey, you know what? We're a couple of hot, drunk, sweaty female soccer fans in a bikini top and a halter top.
There is simply no way anyone will take our picture if we don't start making out.
"Hey, that photographer over there wants a picture of my Ronaldo jersey. From behind. Why not?"
This guy is in the middle of a bet that he can't go one minute without checking out the girl next to him with his camcorder.
World Cup 2010 meets Victoria's Secret meets Braveheart.
Okay, now come into the light a little . . .
"How does my hair look?"
. . . fine, fine, now press your arms to your side . . .
"And my makeup? How does my makeup look?"
. . . it looks great, now just lean forward a little . . .
"Are you sure you've got all of me in the shot?"
Yes, I'm sure.
"This is so exciting I'm going to bust."
Like we always say, "When wearing an incredibly short, one piece mini-dress to a sporting event, why bother with underwear?"
No really, we always say that.
If this becomes the league sanctioned uniform, I think we may have something.
Wait a minute, this gives us a great idea: Statue of Liberty, American flag bikini top.
Yes. We. Can.
These Mexican fans are definitely hot. The difference between them is:
The one on the left knows it.
The one on the right doesn't.
Australia flag bikini top? Check.
Incredibly short skirt? Check.
Alright, let's go catch some soccer.
Three things to love about the World Cup:
a) This rather revealing outfit;
b) The notion that this outfit wasn't revealing enough, so undergarments had to be revealed; and
c) They were flag of England undergarments.
"No, guys, it's not time to leave yet, I don't have my shirt on yet. Guys, I can't go to the game in just my red brassiere. Guys. Guys! GUYS! . . . Okay, put me down right this second!"
I don't know how those British do it—somehow England's fans managed to bring fog with them to their fan section.
Ah, Brazil. We like the way they roll.
This guy is so excited he accidentally stuck his right hand all the way into his drum.
"Oh my goodness, I wore only my underwear and this Australia handkerchief to the World Cup, and everyone wants to take my picture! This is so unexpected!"
We don't know what that strange inflatable thing on your shoulder is.
Lucky for us, we don't care, either.
Taking the phrase "bare midriff" to a whole new level.
How much ass do you have to kiss to get into the World Cup Final Four?
Brazil's soccer team will want to put World Cup 2010 behind it, but Brazil's hot fan team can be proud of their performance in South Africa.