Brett Favre Has a Comeback Itch...a Return Rash...What Is It?

6) The Packers are treating Brett like there is a “Fungus-Among-Us” and Brett has admitted he has the “itch to play.” That itch, depending upon location, could be the big-time athletic supporter TINEA CRURIS (a.k.a. Jock itch).  If Brett is scratching his head trying to figure out what to do next—that would be its cousin TINEA CAPITIS. Both of those can be treated topically...but not tropically...like Brett moving to Tampa Bay.

7) If Brett had chicken pox as a kid, then this could be a return of the virus known as VARICELLA-ZOSTER. Which, when expressed as a rash in adults, is called SHINGLES. The virus will go away and hide deep in Brett's nerve's pathways, only to re-emerge at random intervals...just like Brett’s desire to play football keeps doing.

8) Some people think Brett is acting like an upset baby—well, perhaps he's crying because he has diaper rash. That would be the fungus CANDIDA ALBICANS. You don't want your lady friends to get this one fellas...whoo-hooo...no sir...trust me.

9) Has Brett been mulling his future recently, while pounding a few brewskis from the Jacuzzi on his back porch on his Mississippi farm? His rash could be a case of Hot Tub Folliculitis, which is from PSEUDOMONAS AERUGINOSA, which gives you nasty little necrotic lesions that do have the upside of smelling like grapes.

10) If Brett doesn't wash his hands after he's done reading the latest copy of Farmer’s Almanac while perched on the can...then he could have a nice case of the COXSACKIE A16 Virus, otherwise known as Hand-Foot-Mouth Disease. Which is really Hand-Ass-Mouth Disease, but the CDC is too politically correct to call it that.

Other than that, his skin rash could be due to more common problems like staph, or strep, especially given that Casey Fenton reported that new QB Aaron Rodgers was reported to have staph.

This makes me wonder if Green Bay's dueling QBs have tried to kiss and make up recently, while Aaron was still infectious...oh wait...that's EPSTEIN BAR VIRUS, which causes Mono...nevermind.

Whatever it is, I hope Brett gets a physician involved and gets a timely diagnosis and treatment. This way, both he and the rest of us can put his itches and rashes behind us and finally get to the 2008 NFL season.

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