The entire wrestling community must have heard that The Undertaker and Michelle McCool got married. Congratulations are in order for them.
Their wedding got me thinking about all the weddings that have taken place over years in WWE.
A wedding is a very sacred union between two happily married people. In the WWE, it just means it'll be very entertaining. You got kidnappings, blackmailings, a cobra used as a gift and a honeymoon gone terribly wrong.
Enjoy the walk down the memory lane and keep this in mind:
Marriage: a book of which the first chapter is written in poetry and the remaining chapters written in prose.
Paul Vachon & Ophelia - Tuesday Night Titans 1984
This is the very first wedding ever to take place in the realm of WWE. It was a wacky roller coaster ride from start to finish.
Captain Lou Albano objected to the marriage as he thought Ophelia was a virgin. Once he found out otherwise, Captain Lou was all for it.
Once the vows were exchanged, "Dr. D" David Schultz took it upon himself to body slam Paul Vachon!
The entire wedding was hilarious!
Uncle Elmer & Joyce - Saturday's Night Main Event 10/5/85
The amazing thing about this wedding is that it was a real wedding and Uncle Elmer & Joyce left the building as man and wife!
This hillbilly wedding was objected by the one and only Hot Rod Roddy Piper as he firmly believed that weddings had no place in a wrestling ring. Piper may have a point!
Piper goes on and does what he does best and Insults the groom's family.
Jesse Ventura had the line of the night when he says that their kiss looked like two carp going after the same piece of corn.
Elizabeth & Randy Savage - Summer Slam 8/26/91
This was a beautiful ceremony that had no interruptions of any kind. This wedding was the main event of SummerSlam.
No interruptions happened during the wedding. No one stood up and objected when the minister asked.
No one was body slammed or was put in a submission hold. It was by all means a perfectly normal and very pink wedding.
The reception on the other hand did not go as smooth as the ceremony. Jake "The Snake" Roberts gave Randy Savage a gift box that contained a cobra. The Undertaker also gave a steel chair to the back of the head to Savage.
The aftermath of the reception led to a memorable feud between Jake "The Snake" Roberts and Randy Savage.
Stephanie McMahon & The Undertaker - RAW 4/26/99
During this time The Undertaker was taking orders form this higher power. That same entity ordered The Undertaker to kidnap and marry Stephanie McMahon just to please the Higher Power.
Paul Bearer presided over this dark wedding and Stephanie was dressed in all black and was not comfortable as she was attached to the Undertaker's sacrificial symbol.
The reason for this wedding is that The Undertaker would gain control of the WWE if he married Vince's daughter Stephanie.
The Big Show and Ken Shamrock tried unsuccessfully to halt the wedding. Stone Cold Steve Austin was successful in saving Stephanie McMahon.
Stephanie McMahon & Test - RAW 11/29/99
This was a wedding that was classy and sophisticated in appearance. Vince McMahon even announced that any member of D-Generation X would be fired if they ruined or disrupted the beautiful ceremony. It was turning out to be a wedding that could rival Randy Savage's wedding.
That was until the cerebral assassin, Triple H!
After the minister asked the crowd if anyone objects to this union, Triple H came out. Triple H then showed a nice little video of him and Stephanie getting married in a drive-thru wedding chapel. Stephanie was drugged out of her mind.
At Armageddon Vince would face Triple H and the stipulations were that if Triple H win then he can stay married to Stephanie and if Vince wins then the marriage would be over.
Triple H won with the help of Stephanie McMahon and the the McMahon-Helmsley Era was born.
Stephanie McMahon & Triple H - RAW 2/11/02
Stephanie McMahon and Triple H were both on the verge of divorce. Stephanie thought up a very clever plan to force Triple H to stay with her.
She hired an actor to portray a doctor and tell Triple H that Stephanie is pregnant. The thought of becoming a father was what made Triple H try to save his marriage.
So they both decide to renew their vows.
Before the wedding could take place Triple H found out she was lying, but decided to wait until after the wedding to inform her of his discovery.
Once the vows were exchange and the ceremony ended, Triple H gave his father in law, Vince McMahon, a pedigree and told Stephannie that it was over between them.
Billy & Chuck - SmackDown! 9/12/02
This commitment ceremony got mainstream publicity as it was two men.
The ceremony was going great as planned until Billy and Chuck backed out and the duo admitted that they were only friends and that their homosexuality was a publicity stunt thought up by Rico their manager.
Turns out the old man who was the minister was actually Eric Bischoff and he had Three Minute Warning attack the duo!
Al Wilson & Dawn Marie - SmackDown! 1/2/03
I never want to see an old man in his tidy whities ever and I mean EEEVVVVVERRRRR again!
Al Wilson was really Torrie Wilson's real-life father. Dawn Marie had the hots for Al and after a few months of dating they decided to get married... in their underwear!
Their Honeymoon was in Hawaii!
Now Al Wilson was not in the best of shape and he was older than dirt. So it is understandable that Al could not handle rigorous sex that he had with Dawn numerous times.
So Al ended up getting oversexed and died from a heart attack.
Lita & Kane - RAW 8/23/04
Lita saved Matt Hardy from Kane by having sex with the Big Red Machine. That one sexual encounter lead to Lita becoming pregnant.
Weeks later after the news of the pregnancy broke out a match was set with the stipulation that if Matt Hardy lose then Kane could marry Lita.
Matt Hardy tried to disrupt the ceremony and he epically failed as Kane beat him up. Months after the wedding, Lita lost her baby due to Snitsky injuring her.
Edge & Lita - RAW 6/20/05
In the Kayfabe world, Kane and Lita's marriage had gotten better because of the death of their unborn child.
In the real world Lita cheated on Matt Hardy with his friend and fellow co-worker Edge. Matt understandably was pissed off so he broke the news of the affair to the world. WWE promptly fired him.
Fans turned on Lita like a pack of vicious piranhas and that forced the WWE hand as they had a babyfaced diva getting booed.
So they had Lita interfere in a match between Edge and Kane in which Lita turned on Kane. Edge and Lita had a wedding and Kane interfered.
Teddy Long & Kristal - SmackDown 9/21/07
Teddy Long has the worst luck on the day of his wedding which has the ECW and Smackdown rosters in attendance.
Jillian disrupted the ceremony with her singing. Once things started to roll along The Godfather came out and most of the male wrestlers boarded the HO train.
Hornswoggle, who was at the time Vince McMahon's illegitimate son, crawled under Kristal gown and Jonathan Coachman followed him.
Just when everything calmed down and Teddy Long was about to say "I do" he collapse in the ring suffering a heart attack as apparently he took some Viagra before the wedding!
Edge & Vickie Guerrero - SmackDown 7/18/08
The Wedding happened during the day and the reception was happening during Smackdown.
The entire La Familia had a table set up on the ramp so they can watch matches for entertainment.
Near the end of the show we have our favorite wedding crasher Triple H with video to show to everyone.
It was a video of Edge making out with the wedding planner Alicia Fox the day before.
I hope this sideshow did not make you not want to get married, as marriage is indeed a very beautiful thing!
In the world of Pro-Wrestling Wedding will either fail or the marriage itself will fail.
So remember, in WWE, a marriage is a success if it outlasts milk.