If there's one thing we love come World Cup time, it's a good head-to-head contest.
That's exactly what Melissa Satta finds herself in right now. It's a showdown that conflicts us to the core.
Satta is locked in a battle with our former WAG of the Week, Abbey Clancy, in the quarterfinals of Spumor.com's World Cup of WAGs.
We've already presented the case for Abbey Clancy here.
So in the interest of equal opportunity, here's your formal introduction to the smokeshow otherwise known as Melissa Satta.
The WAG of ex-Italian striker Christian Vieri was one of the subjects of a World Cup WAG bodypaint spread in the 2010 SI Swimsuit Issue.
Satta was in the issue alongside Ms. Clancy.
Satta is an American-born model working almost exclusively in Italy these days.
She was born in Suffolk, Massachusetts in 1986 but has become a fixture on the runways of Milan.
This has to be changed.
Satta's Twitter feed only has 302 followers. It's mostly in Italian, so we're figuring it's her.
Come on, people. Follow away.
Satta spent her teens between Sardinia and the United States. At 16 she began modeling in Sardinia, winning a slew of beauty contests.
Sweet 16 was apparently the year she blossomed.
At 17 she won Miss Muretto and moved to Milan to work full-time as a professional model.
In 2004 she started work on Italian TV. She has been a fixture on a show called Striscia la Notizia.
That translated to "Strip the News" and it's exactly what she does. They're not so uptight about nudity over there in Italy—or as I like to call it, Heaven.
Satta just appeared on the cover of Maxim Italy in conjunction with the World Cup.
The country has identified her as one of its top celebrity fans.
She has been working on Italian TV since 2004.
At 19 she signed a contract with the Riccardo Gay agency, one of the most important model agencies in Italy.
She is now with Elite.
We weren't aware they played tennis topless in Italy, but if you say so Melissa, we're in!
Satta looks like she belongs in a Robert Palmer video or an episode of "Max Headroom".
She's also sporting a very thinly veiled imitation of clothing. Well played.
Satta has been connected at the hip with Vieri since she rose to fame on TV.
Gotta hand it to these soccer players. They cherry-pick the hotties impressively.
You'd almost think they were firemen.
Satta wore mostly white bikinis for her Maxim Italy shoot but the black swimsuits accentuated all the right curves as well.
We're starting to identify a trend here.
Satta apparently doesn't care very much for tops.
Not that we're complaining...
Thanks to the photog here for getting Satta to show off her thigh-high star tattoo.
We're even more conflicted than when we began this slideshow.
And we're wondering what's with the number 4 here. Is she No. 4 on somebody's list? And if so, I want to see the top three.
Maybe it's like the Italian version of "Sesame Street" and she's brought to you by the number 4.
Whatever the case, we implore you to vote for Satta in the Spumor's World Cup of WAGs.
Or you could vote for Clancy. There's really no losers here.