Well Twilight Saga fans, it's been a long 7 months but your wait is finally over. Novelist Stephanie Meyer's next installment of the famed Twilight series hits the big screen as "The Twilight Saga: Eclipse" officially makes its debut on June 30, 2010 at theatres worldwide.
Are you for Team Edward or Team Jacob? Do you embrace the vampire or would you go dancing with wolves? Are you just a husband or boyfriend who is anxiously awaiting a quiet night at home while your signifcant other is out watching "Eclipse" with her friends?
No matter what the case might be, as the Twilight Saga has shown us, the world loves vampires. So for all of you sports and Twilight fans out there, here's a list sprinkled with sports, vampires, and other surprises which will be sure to please both diehards and Twihards. Welcome to "Twilight Eclipse: Top 10 Athletes Who Sucked The Life Out of Franchises." Enjoy!
What do you get when you spend over $3 million for an over-the-hill, eventual Hall of Fame first baseman, over $6 million for a younger but troubled third baseman, over $2 million for a one-time record-setting base stealer, over $2 million for a one-time World Series pitching hero, and $1.5 million for an overrated manager? The 1991-1993 Mets, aka the Worst Team Money Could Buy.
Eddie Murray was a sullen and ornery figure. Bobby Bonilla threatened reporters that he "would show them the Bronx." Vince Coleman and Bret Saberhagen spent more time throwing bleach and firecrackers at people than they did playing baseball. Manager Jeff Torborg could never find peace under the glare of the New York spotlight.
The Mets officially hit rockbottom in 1993 as they finished 7th in the National League East with a 59-103 record.
Even though this bloodsucker is shown in what seems like Jacob's wolf fur, the only thing worse than JaMarcus Russell's outfit in the photo was his performance on the football field.
When the Oakland Raiders released former 2007 #1 overall NFL draft pick JaMarcus Russell, team owner Al Davis pretty much admitted that the former LSU quarterback was a complete and total bust.
Don't feel bad Al, all of the scouts and draft gurus had this guy's stock very high as well. In fact, when Russell was drafted Mel Kiper Jr. was quoted as saying, "JaMarcus Russell is going to immediately energize that fanbase, that football team — on the practice field, in that locker room."
Great call Mel! Turns out that Russell did energize the fanbase and football team.......they all hated him with intense passion.
Although passed over for the role of the Twilight vampire Laurent to professional actor Edi Gathegy, Latrell Sprewell certainly is scary in his own right.
In 1995, Sprewell fought with teammate Jerome Kersey and then returned to practice wielding a two-by-four. In 1997, Golden State Warriors head coach PJ Carlesimo instructed Sprewell to "put a little mustard" on his passes to which Sprewell responded by using both of his hands to put a little donut around Carlesimo's throat.
On October 31, 2004, the Minnesota Timberwolves offered Sprewell a 3-year, $21 million contract extension but he was insulted at the thought of making such a paltry sum of millions, crying publicly, "I have a family to feed."
With the blood, sweat, and money he's sucked out of three NBA franchises, the Sprewells should be well-fed for many years to come.
Yet another victim of Edi Gathegy's acting prowess (or perhaps not realizing that vampires don't wear white robes), Adam "Pac Man" Jones also lost out on the role of the vampire Laurent and has fallen well short of his potential during his NFL career largely due to his extremely poor conduct and personal problems.
Jones's NFL laundry list rap sheet includes but is not limited to: assault and felony vandalism, marijuana possession, disorderly conduct and public intoxication, misdemeanor assault, sucker-punching a stripper at a strip club, assaulting his own personal bodyguards, and helping to "make it rain" dollar bills at a strip club only to then threaten bodily harm to strippers who tried to collect the "raindrops."
Hey Laurent, bet you can't make it rain, can you?
Although the 1990's represented an extremely dark decade for the New Jersey Nets, Derrick Coleman still managed to suck what little life was left out of the beleaguered NBA franchise.
Coleman and then-Nets head coach Butch Beard never saw eye-to-eye, with Beard often criticizing Coleman for his lazy work ethic and ignorance of team rules and conduct. In fact, during one training camp Beard advised his players to adhere to a dress code or be fined. Coleman's response? He simply handed Beard a blank check to cover all of his future fines.
Coleman spent his later years playing for the Sixers, Hornets, and Pistons but it was always a case of different team, same lazy Coleman. Can't argue with a Sports Illustrated cover, can you?
Well it's halfway through our list and although there's no "I" in team there's definitely an "I" in intermission and that's exactly what is needed in order to work a gratuitous Bella Swan shot into the slideshow.
So now that your vampiric thirst for Bella has been fed, let's get back to the countdown of the Top 10 Athletes Who Sucked The Life Out of Franchises....
What would a Twilight list be if it didn't include brooding bloodsuckers whose shirts expose just the right amount of fleshy chest to please the ladies? Given the photo and his pension for violence on and off the court, Ron Artest is a "safe" inclusion to our list.
Known for his feisty nature and flagrant fouls, Artest is best remembered for his central role in the infamous "Malice at the Palace" brawl between the Indiana Pacers, Detroit Pistons, and basketball fans back on November 19, 2004 (which for you Twihards was exactly 5 years and 2 days before the theatrical release of the series' second film, "The Twilight Saga: New Moon").
Six years and one Twilight movie later, Artest has found redemption in Los Angeles as an NBA World Champion thanks to Phil Jackson, Kobe Bryant, and....his psychiatrist.
As Artest stated, "She really helped me relax a lot. Thank you so much. It’s so difficult to play … There’s so much emotion going on in the playoffs, and she helped me relax. I thank her so much.”
So do fans and civilians everywhere.
Unfortunately for viewers of a recent Seattle Mariners-Texas Rangers game, Mariners' outfielder Milton Bradley wasn't pointing to the score but rather showing Rangers' fans the finger that the majority of his ex-teammates (and most likely current ones) usually point towards him.
There's a reason why Milton Bradley has played on 8 different teams over the span of 10 seasons- nobody can stand him. Whether it's his managers, teammates, umpires, or baseball fans, Bradley has managed to alienate them all through various tirades, temper tantrums, fight instigations, and having an overall "me-first" attitude.
One question remains, why is a guy like this still in the big leagues?
Stephon Marbury looks about as exhausted as NBA fans and ex-teammates were by his presence. No matter what team he played for or what city he played in, "Starbury" always managed to wear out his welcome through selfish play and a consistent demand for the basketball.
Perhaps Marbury's time with the New York Knicks was the most tumultuous of his NBA career, as public feuds with coaches Larry Brown, Isiah Thomas, and Mike D'Antoni escalated to the point where Knicks' management felt it was better for the team to just pay him his $21 million salary to stay at home...away from the team.
In January, 2010, China (apparently steadfast in its quest to accumulate all things negative relating to U.S debt) offered Marbury a contract with the Shanxi Zhongyu Brave Dragons of the Chinese Basketball Association.
Zaijian Stephon, zaijian.
Anytime you're a guy who needs a police escort to and from the dugout, you know you're a guy who's worthy of a spot on the list of the Top 10 Athletes Who Sucked The Life Out of Franchises. Former Atlanta Braves' closer John Rocker is that guy.
In a January, 2010 Sports Illustrated article, Rocker responded to the question of whether he would ever consider playing in New York for either the Mets or Yankees:
"I'd retire first. It's the most hectic, nerve-racking city. Imagine having to take the 7 Train to the ballpark looking like you're riding through Beirut next to some kid with purple hair, next to some queer with AIDS, right next to some dude who just got out of jail for the fourth time, right next to some 20-year-old mom with four kids. It's depressing... The biggest thing I don't like about New York are the foreigners. You can walk an entire block in Times Square and not hear anybody speaking English. Asians and Koreans and Vietnamese and Indians and Russians and Spanish people and everything up there. How the hell did they get in this country?"
This country wonders the same about Rocker.
A brooding bloodsucker. A melodramatic figure who's starved for the attention and affection of others. A seemingly charming character with a burning anger coming from within. No, we aren't talking about Edward Cullen, Bella Swan, or Jacob Black but rather the guy who has all of the aforementioned qualities and then some....the guy who stands far apart from the rest of the life-suckers on the list....none other than NFL wide receiver Terrell Owens.
As productive as he has been throughout his NFL career, Owens has been equally controversial, creating problems for almost every team he has played for and headaches for every quarterback he has played with. In fact, Owens is so egocentrical that on December 14, 2007, he filed a trademark protection for his infamous post-game quote "I love me some me."
America may not love it some T.O. but it sure loves it some vampires. So with "The Twilight Saga: Eclipse" now in theatres, what are you waiting for?
In the words of Terrell Owens, get your popcorn ready!