Officials monitoring an out of control Gatorade spill in the Chicago Cubs dugout report that the gushing thirst quencher is not likely to be capped soon.
The spill, determined to be caused by “human intervention,” occurred last Friday when Cubs pitcher Carlos Zambrano went, according to eyewitnesses, “nutzoid” after surrendering four runs in the first inning against the crosstown rival White Sox.
Reports claim that Zambrano struck a Gatorade cooler that unfortunately was connected to a Gatorade "pipeline" servicing the Cubs dugout.
At present, the gushing Gatorade is pumping tens of gallons per hour of the beverage onto the dugout floor, where it is being feverishly mopped by Zambrano and the local area bat boy. Fears that Wrigley may soon be flooded are mounting.
At present, there are no estimates of the environmental impact of the uncapped Gatorade spill, but President Barack Obama, a former Chicago resident, plans to fly over Wrigley Field this week in a helicopter to survey the damage.