It’s time for Smack Down! Let’s go Friday nights!
Teddy Long and Vickie Guerro open the show. In the next two weeks they will decide who will compete in the money in the bank ladder match—8 SD stars will go for the Money in the Bank! Vickie says Mr. McMahon is out… McIntyre this week trying to talk down to Teddy. Teddy says that due to the absence of McMahon, this show will be run how he deems appropriate (first, reinstating Matt Hardy), and they’ll be competing tonight! YAY! TEDDY TELLS MCINTYRE TO GET OUT AND VICKIE BACKS HIM (probably because she thinks it’ll get her his job, but whatever)!
Swagger v. Big Show
Show comes out to a very nice pop, and loves on the kids. He could run for office right now. *lol* Why they’re giving Swagger mic time baffles me (and always does). He’s filed a protest against the WWE. He is protesting that he had to fight against a giant and with Kane stepping in. He was cheated. BOO HOO. Muahahah. He’s invoking his rematch clause at the MItB PPV. Daddy again… *yawn* “Until then I’m going to make everyone else suffer!” (By cutting promos?)
Now he says he’s going to make Show suffer. Bell rings… two rights from Show, knee from Show, slap to the chest from Show… someone’s started strong, and it’s not the big baby. Show pushes a stretch against the ropes to a full four count. Headbutt to Swagger. Grabs Swagger by the face, Swager yanks him down to thrust his throat against the rope. Big show gets up on the ring ropes, and give Swagger a super-plex!!! Holy hell! Show still in total control. Crazy arm twist-choke-slam. The 22 5E boot on Swagger’s chest. Lots of right from Show. Show stands on Swagger’s left arm. “Let’s go Big Show!” from the crowd. Big Show throws Swagger across the ring, smashes him in the corner and gives the crowd a good yell. Swagger takes Show down by attacking his legs. More attacks on Show’s left leg (especially the knee). Show kicks Swagger off. Boot to Show’s chest. Swagger takes him down again, 2 count, and a kickout by Show. Swagger-bomb….twice… the second time he lands in Show’s choke hold and Show’s choke was countered, and he has Show in an ankle lock. Show has the rope! Swagger won’t release the hold! Show wins by DQ! Show seems unable to get up. Show’s finally up on his left leg, but the right knocks him down again. Big Show is really sellin’ the pain… Swagger’s trying to look tough… and all I can think about is how stupid he sounds every time he opens his mouth.
Christian, MVP, and Kofi v. Dolfph, Vance Archer and Curt Hawkins (The Gate Crashers)
Okay, the Gate Crashers are another one of those “I don’t get it’ douchey dorks. Let’s see how this goes. It better go my way. :D I still don’t get MVP, he’s a nice enough guy, but I hate the ‘ballin’ crap. It’s like someone using the ‘golf swing’. Huh. I wonder why the dork squad jumped out of the ring when Kofi appeared? Rather… just his music! Start with MVP v. one of the gate crashers… I don’t really care which one…. They are now OOTGC. MVP covers, two count, kickout…. Christian’s in, doubleteam, hurrying the movement along, covers OOTGC. Kickout. MVP is back in…Dolph sends OOTGC into the corner and a clusterf*ck happens, so everyone on team 2 is out of the ring! MVP big right to Ziggler. Kofi tagged, rolls Dolph, who rolls out. Kofi jumps all over Zigler, kicks him as he goes for it again, two count landed on Ziggler. Wrist hold on Kofi who rolls out of it…. Getting pumped up! Kofi beats on both of the Gate Crashers, Ziggler gets Kofi into a pin. Kickout on two. OOTGC using a headlock on Kofi. Kofi down for two. One count by the OOTGC on Kofi. Submission hold by OOTGC on Kofi… Kofi kicks him off. Ziggler tagged, shoulder to Kofi, cover, one count. Elbow to Kofi’s neck. Body slam by Ziggler. Flipover by Kofi, goes for the tag, gets Christian! Christian’s slamming Ziggler all over… uses the ropes to his advantage. OOTGC gets nailed by a right hand by Christian. Christian pins, two-count. Springboard, sunset flip, Ziggler two count kickout. Missle drop kick right in the right spot, OOTGC stops the pin, everyone’s in the ring! Ziggler and Christian legal, and are now the only two in the match…. Christian nails thekill switch, and Ziggles bounces off the mat. Very nice! And marks like me like to see the good guys getting along.
No update on McMahon. New manager says these actions will be met with the appropriate response. KANE GOING NUTS ON A CASKET! “I will eviscerate CM Punk!” “I will decapitate the head of the Straight Edge Society!”
Drew McIntyre v. Matt Hardy
Damn that’s a catchy tune… too bad it’s tied to a jerk. McIntyre looks like he might cry because he might have to actually win a wrestling match. Hardy—A HUGE POP…. Wouldn’t have thought it three months ago!!! WOOOH! Fists changing, though Drew missed the first. Drew into the announce table with a kick by Hardy. Hardy nails sort of a spear/shoulder block through the ropes as he throws Drew over the stairs. Yum… hurt asshole on the burner. Drew attacks Matt’s belly. Matt laying down… Drew knelt in the center of the ring yelling ‘count faster’. LOL Matt gets in on 9. Boots to the chest of Matt Hardy. “USA” being chanted. McIntyre goes for the cover, fails. Shoulder lock, Matt punches out, boot to Drew’s head… oh yeah! Hardy on the top rope. Headbutts by Drew. McIntyre does a modified-driver from the top rope. Matt Hardy kicks out on two! Punches by Drew. Matt’s down on the mat. Kick to Drew’s gut. Punch across his ‘pretty’ cheek. Two count against Hardy who kicks out. Hardy kicks Drew in the head to get out of a shoulder-hold. Punches from McIntyre. Matt slammed into the top turnbuckle. He’s sitting on the top rope, McIntyre goes for the top rope, pulls Hardy down again. McIntyre covers for the win, Hardy goes for the rope! Hardy’s still got some fight in him! Another shoulder hold by McIntyre. Matt’s standing in the corner… punch to the jaw and neck. Clothesline, stomp on Hardy, Matt kicks out. Matt knocks Drew with a left. Hardy covering. Drew kicksout on two. Hardy does a side-effect, two count. Boot to Matt’s head, kickout. I wish Striker would shut up… he’s there to be a commentator, not a cheerleader. The little bitch. Hardy throws Drew out of the ring when he tries to go for the his aftershock-ddt. Matt gets nailed, spine first into the stairs by Drew. Matt pulls Drew’s feet out from under him just as he was about to get his skull crushed on the stairs. Pin by Hardy, kickout at 2! Another pin! Out at 2! Kick to Drew’s stomach, twist of fate! HARDY WINS! Teddy on screen. Teddy was doing some research and it looks like Drew’s VISA IS EXPIRED. LOL Security, send Mr. McIntyre back to Scotland. *ROFL* “MR MCMAHON! WAH!” Na na na na, na na na na, Hey HEY HEY, GOODBYE!
Cody Rhodes and Husky Harris come out… why is my 8 year old holding Rhdes and Dibiase action figures together and making them kiss? My family has gay friends! It’s not weird to them! So why does he react this way!? Blah, blah, blah… Cody thinks he’s the most handsome… the Diva’s voted. He wins at 35% over RANDY ORTON at 15%!? *ROFL* “It’s not genetics: Have you seen my father? Have you seen my brother (Goldust if you didn’t know)!?” Cody’s mic skills are coming along and his lisp is barely noticeable! Pretty good… he’s still a douche. Now he’s just going to hang out in the corner of the ring. He’s HILARIOUSLY COCKY RIGHT NOW. It’s like The Miz’s promo except about how hot he is rather than how awesome he is. ROFL “Dashing Cody Rhodes”. I’m going to die… his mugging is killing me. The audience is silent, but I’m laughing my ass off.
Dolph Ziggler tells Vickie that he wants and ICT match. Or she and him? He just doesn’t know. I DO! He’ll come out like every other douche she’s dated on this show saying how –awful- it is to be with her.
Kelly Kelly v. Rosa Mendez
Oh god. Poor Kaval. Laycool has shown up. Rosa is jump roping… to get in shape if she wanted to be part of LayCool. Kick by Kelly to the chest. Rosa gets nailed in what.. six seconds? LayCool goes after Kelly Kelly and Tiffany. LayCool thinks twice. Okay, I don’t mean to be talking about my kids, but my 8 year old just said to team LayCool is “jealous!” He would also like to marry the Bella Twins… BOTH of them. Egads, I fear my future.
Alberto Del Rio…. Uh…. I felt like I was watching one of those Dos Equis commercials.
Kane v. CM Punk—NO DQ Match!
Punk watching behind him as he approaches the ring. OMG. He seems speechless. He finally claims his innocence. Punk nailing on Kane until Kane throws him out of the ring. Kane throws Punk into the wall, over and over and over. No DQ’s, so let’s go! WOO! Big right by Kane! Kane throws him back against the apron. On the floor. GALLOWS! Kane bashes Gallows’ head into the stairs! Punk comes running into a clothesline. Last member of the SES runs in, gets HIS beating! Punk and Gallows and the masked SES Member are beating on Kane. Punk throws Kane into the wall twice (second with the help of Luke Gallows). Kane scoops up punk and throws him over the barricade. Gallows into the pole. Kane’s got CM Punk back! He bashes the left then right arm into the steel steps! Big right from Kane! Kane throws Punk, spine-first, into the steel steps. And again! Announce table being cleared by Kane. Kane chokeslams the unknown-masked SES member. Gallows saves Punk! Kane bashes Gallows into the apron, then a chokeslam through the announce table!!!! Kane chasing Punk! He’s plodding along like Michael Myers in Halloween… he should do another (better) horror movie. Kane’s beating CM Punk on the merchandise table! And now through it! ANOTHER table! LOL Even though I think the storyline will say Kane did what happened to the Undertaker, this great! Now it’s outside!!! Punk’s running down the road! Took off running in his wrestling panties from Kane. Ahhh, that was nice.
See you Monday!!!