He is coming back this season. That is a given. He will string it out a little bit longer, of course. Soak up some sun down south, hunt, do a little light cardio, the usual.
And then, either three days after or three days before the second preseason game, he'll tell Chilly to go to the airport and pick him up. And to get something from Jamba Juice for Deanna. Something with mango.
So it is written, so shall it be.
Look a little further into the abyss though: will this upcoming season be Brett Favre's last?
That question has been asked for nearly a decade now, but the answer is as difficult as ever. After the individual and team success he had last year, it is hard to say he couldn't play for two more years. And yet, after the beating he took in that New Orleans game and the beating he took after for that one stinking pass, this could just as easily be his last year. The offseason surgeries and blitzing linebackers have to be taking their toll. Why would he want to come back, what more does he have to prove?
So, let us consider the ten reasons Favre would come back for the 2011 season (if there even is a 2011 season).
When choosing his first agent, Randy Moss said, "My agent's got the man." The man in question? Brett Favre.
Brett's rift with the Packers and Ted Thompson began with the refusal to trade a fourth-round pick for Moss, only to see Moss set the NFL receiving touchdown record the next season.
Moss has previously publicly entertained thoughts of coming back to end his career in Minnesota and has stated that this is probably his last season in New England.
In 2011, it is possible to see them both in Minnesota, if only for one season. This is a far-fetched scenario, but so was Brett Favre in purple.
Have you been around those things? Unless you're an unrelated teenage boy, they're the worst. The worst.
Twilight. Twitter. Texting. Self-esteem issues. Body issues. LOL. MySpace. Facebook. That popular girl Tori was mean to her the other day at lunch. Justin Bieber.
Can you blame him for avoiding that scene for just a couple more seasons?
In fact, all fathers: just leave during your daughter's puberty and come back when she's 18 and is paying her own cell phone bill.
Even the most ardent Favre-supporter acknowledges he loves his records, especially the consecutive games played. If he could run away and elope with the consecutive games record and live on some beach in South America, he would have. Don't think he hasn't thought about it.
But Brett sees Peyton Manning over there, and Peyton's numbers getting closer and closer to Brett's. Two more seasons - heck, maybe three - is the only way to keep Peyton from overtaking the touchdowns, the passing yards, and the consecutive games record.
The interception record is probably Brett's for life, though. Which is the way it should be.
Maybe Favre is targeting George Blanda's "oldest player to play a game" record. Don't think he hasn't thought about it.
And he's probably aware that he has the same amount of Super Bowls wins as Trent Dilfer and Brad Johnson.
She is only good at saying "No news today." She's perfect for the Favre "story."
Brett Favre knows the value of a dollar, the value of Brett Favre, and the precarious situation of the U.S. economy.
He knows that sweet, sweet Wranglers gig is going to vanish when he retires, and he would be left hocking Nutrisystem like Aikman or Marino. Sears, Hyundai, and the rest will also disappear if he retires.
On top of the supplemental income, Favre knows there is not another job like NFL quarterback that will net him $12 million/year and allow him to do his cherished fart jokes. He watches CNBC religiously and knows he has to keep earning and hoarding money as the lagging U.S. dollar is lapsed by yet another currency.
The man is a modern-day Adam Smith, if Adam Smith could make Visanthe Shiancoe look like a pro bowler.
This is reading into Brett's mind a little too much for my liking, but I think it's a safe assumption: Favre hates Ted Thompson. He doesn't hate the Packers, the players, the fans, the city, gouda, etc. I believe he has nothing but good will for everything and everybody that has anything to do with the Green Bay Packers.
But he hates Ted Thompson.
Thompson is the GM for the Packers who didn't want to wait around for Favre's offseason melodrama anymore, and essentially strong-armed Brett into a retirement press conference which Thompson thought would end the "Is Brett coming back?" talk. That was a little over two years ago.
It is hard to argue against Thompson's thinking: We have a young, first-round quarterback and we need to see what he can do before his contract is up. Brett won't be here forever and we need to move on at some point.
But, it is hard to argue against Favre's thinking: #&!% Ted Thompson. I just led this team to a 13-3 record and the NFC Championship game. I need to leave?
It has worked out pretty well for both parties, but one could understand if Favre wants to continue to remind Thompson that he still has it, that Thompson forced out the franchise's most beloved player since Bart Starr, maybe the most beloved player ever.
The naysayers, the nitpickers, the doubters, the Ted Thompson apologists, the internet creatures, radio show callers, Packer fans who forgot about the time between Bart Starr and Brett Favre, Bears fans, commentators, analysts, and people who used the word "schism."
He hates you all so, so much.
Last offseason he read story after story about how his presence would ruin the Vikings and that he was washed up, and he wanted to make sure every single one of you ate crow. Favre creates this melodrama every offseason solely to agitate you all. Favre keeps playing just so play-by-play guys can talk about how much he loves the game as your heads explode one-by-one.
He hates you.
The Vikings fans, the Favre fans, the AARP, the Packer fans who stopped being Packer fans when he left, the Packer fans who stayed Packer fans but don't boo Favre. He loves your love. He craves your love and knows playing football is the way to your heart.
Yes, perhaps he is just an attention whore.
And he might love the haters most of all; he did give you that one stinking pass, after all. He always gives you that one stinking pass; how have his last two NFC championship games ended, again? Or he is giving fodder for you to rip him; "He's telling the Southern Miss baseball team WHAT?! THAT JERK!"
Adrian Peterson, Jared Allen, Kevin Williams, Sidney Rice, Chad Greenway, Percy Harvin, Phil Loadholt, Ray Edwards, and Jeff Dugan. That is a Super Bowl nucleus of young, impressive and improving talent. And Favre is the final piece as long as his arm has life in it.
(P.S: Have you seen their schedule this year? It is rough.)
Why stop now?