Kevin Costner to Make Another Baseball Movie (Humor)

Elisabeth Galina

Columnist Written on July 25, 2008

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Albert Pujols/Prince Albert: Tracy Morgan (He used to do this character on SNL called “Dominican Lou.”)

Superpower: Power Hitting

Chase Utley/Chutley: Zac Efron (I’m not really sure who that is but my daughter loves him).

Superpower: Fielding

Chipper Jones/Chip: Matt Damon (Ran into him at Starbucks the other day. Nice kid).

Superpower: Switch hitting.

Jason Giambi’s Mustache/Big Stache: Tom Selleck’s mustache

Superpower: Designated Hitting

Ichiro Suzuki/Itchy: Ichiro Suzuki (He played himself on a Japanese crime drama. Very convincing performance).

Superpower: Breaking Mariners club records

Ryan Braun /The Hebrew Hammer: Shia LaBoeuf (He comes highly recommended from Harry Ford who worked with him in Transformers or Indiana Jones 4. I’m not sure which one. If they’re not about baseball, I don’t watch ‘em).

Superpower: Pull Hitting

Josh Hamilton/Crackhead Jesus: Josh Hamilton (There’s an actor named Josh Hamilton! What a great marketing tool!)

Superpower: Slugging

Russell Martin/Speed Limit: Seth Rogen (If you squint they look alike. And we need someone to provide comic relief).

Superpower: Catching and Stealing

Jonathan Papelbon /The Delivery Man: Leonardo DiCaprio (Huge talent. Reminds me of me).

Superpower: Closing

Madonna: Susan Sarandon (Wouldn’t it be nice to get the ol’ gang back together?)

Evil power: Pretending to be British.

Alex Rodriguez/A-Rod: Robert Downey Jr. (He’s a treat to watch, a real character driven actor).

Superpower: A-Bombs

Get back to me ASAP so we can start production.

Kevin

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written on July 25, 2008 Humor

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