I've been watching Horror films as long as I've been watching Pro-Wrestling. So The thought popped into my brain, "What would happen is some of the greatest horror icons faced some of the best WWE Superstars?"
This novel idea was just begging to be made into a satirical slideshow.
I will be giving the play-by-play, alongside Michael Cole, at the first ever WWE PPV called Bloodbath, which will take place in the town of Haddonfield!
All the matches will take place under extreme rules and the only two ways to win are either by pin-fall or the opponent's death.
There will be only six matches on the card.
Enjoy the show!
"Welcome to the first ever edition Bloodbath I'm Jacob Waring and here with me is Michael Cole!"
"I don't think we should be doing this Jacob. They have barb wired steel fences to protect the fans in attendance and we've got nothing protecting us."
"Oh, quit being a wuss Cole. Your acting like Bryan Danielson is kicking your ass again."
"Whatever. In our first match of the night, the Boogeyman Man faces the Dream demon, Freddy Kruger!"
"The Boogeyman Man has a one night contract just for this PPV! Looks like it's time for the first match! Are you ready Cole?"
"NO! We are going to get chopped up into little tiny pieces!"
"That means he's ready folks!"
One, two, Freddy coming for you! Three, four, better lock your door.....
(A purplish red mist surrounds as Freddy rises out of the ground and Glides to the Ring and Properly kills Justin Roberts)
"OH MY GOD, JACOB. He just killed the Ring Announcer!"
"Well, I guess everyone will have to Google where our wrestlers are from tonight"
(The Boogeyman's theme I'm Coming to Getcha by Jim Johnston plays and crawls to and into the ring.)
Both walk around in a cycle, eying each other with curiosity. Freddy screams "Welcome to prime time B****!" and swings his clawed glove at The Boogeyman.
The Boogeyman nearly avoids the move and performs an inverted falling power-slam to Freddy.
Freddy stumbles as Boogeyman throws a right hook to his face, then a left hook.
Boogeyman Chokeslams Freddy to the mat and goes for the quick count.
"one...two..." the ref bellows and it's a close two count.
"That is Vintage Boogeyman and Freddy has no chance in hell!"
Freddy gets up from the mat and Glares at Jacob and Micheal. "Who said THAT!"
"ummmm The idiot called Micheal Cole who's sitting next to me...."
"Thanks for throwing me under the bus Jacob," whispers Micheal.
Freddy stabs the Boogeyman in the leg, making him collapse to the mat before walking menacingly to the announcing table.
Freddy Grabs Cole throat and is about to slice it!
"Any last words little man?" Freddy growls
"I'll see you in hell!" Cole spats.
"Tell 'em Freddy sent you!" laughs Freddy as he slices Cole Neck while blood spurts out.
"Now THAT'S Vintage Freddy." He laughs while leaping in the air and landing back into the ring.
"Well, looks like I'll be doing announcing on my own now."
Freddy Tackles Boogeyman up to his feet and performs a Bridging German suplex then a Moonsault.
Boogeyman tries to counter with a kick to the gut, but Freddy blocks it. Freddy gives Boogeyman a roundhouse kick to his head and then puts him in the sleeper-hold.
"The Boogeyman is struggling to get out of the hold. I believe he is losing his senses. And...he...is....knocked out!"
Freddy laughs as he fades into the air.
"I believe Kruger just disappeared. Hold on to your trousers folks, cause I CAN"T BELIEVE I'M SEEING THIS!"
The Boogeyman's limp body rises into the the air and every bone in his body breaks at the same time.
The Boogeyman cries in agony till he moves no more and is silent.
The ref rings for the bell!
"The winner,i believe, is Freddy Kruger!"
"That was a phenomenal match to what will surely be an phenomenal and bloody night folks! As you can see Batista is Back for one night only and is already in the ring."
The stadium goes black as the sound of a wolf howling engulfs the stadium! The light turns back on and on the entrance ramp The Wolfman stands tall and leaps into a sprint towards the ring. The ref calls for the bell!
"I guess Wolfman is either in a hurry to win the match or wants a bite out of Batista......I believe it the latter!"
The Wolfman leaps right at Batista and Batista in turn grabs The Wolfman and delivered the spinebuster to The Wolfman.
Batista stomps on the Wolfman head and hustles to it's ankle and applied the ankle lock.
"The Wolfman is howling in pain. He just kicked out of that lock and sent Batista into the ropes. I think Batista just pissed of the wrong wolf tonight."
The Wolfman gives Batista a Kneeling belly to belly piledriver and does a Gorilla press slam. He claws Batista chest to where the flesh and bone is shown.
"Batista miraculously kicks out folks. But can Batista survive much longer!"
Batista screams as he performs four Batista Bomb on the Wolfman temperately putting it in a daze. Batista reaches into his trunk to pull out a shiny object.
"Folks I believe Batista is pulling something out of his trunks. I believe that shiny object is a silver stake folks. Batista may be on THE VERGE TO WIN THIS MATCH!"
The Wolfman swiftly and successfully takes a small bite out of Batista right knee. Enraged Batista stabs The Wolfman in the face and chest over and over again.
The ref calls for the bell knowing that the Wolfman is now no more.
"Batista is the winner but will have to remain retired for life as those kind of wounds will keep him out of the ring for life!"
"The third match of the night is Chucky facing our lovable leprechaun and they are both all ready in the ring"
The ref singles for the Bell!
"Hi, I'm Chucky. Wanna play?"
"AAAAHHHHHHHHhhhh," Hornswoggle screams.
Chucky laughing madly does a Running clothesline on Hornswoggle and does a spear once Hornswoggle gets up again. Chucky quickly does a Elevated single leg Boston crab on Hornswoggle.
"I think Hornswoggle is done folks as the little guy has ran under the ring to hide from this killer doll."
Chucky laughs and runs after Hornswoggle and slides under the ring. All goes eerily silent. Then out of the blue this horrifying scream that sounded like a wounded animal.
Chucky voice is heard among the screams.
"I've got you now Hornswoggle, and you know what I'm gonna do to you? I'm gonna cut off your legs too!" Chucky laughs
Then everything goes silent and Chucky walks out from under the ring laughing and blood soaked.
The Crowd is silent.
"Folks, I think we can all agree that this is the worse Idea that Vince and his Creative time have come up with since the Katie Vick incident!"
"Well the bad news folks is that everyone in the stadium is locked in but the Good news is their is only three matches left. In the ring is Carrie and her only move is her telekinetic powers."
("Not Enough For Me" by Jim Johnston plays as Team Lay-Cool comes out)
"This looks like it going to be a handicap match! Knowing Team Lay-Cool habit of teasing opponents and Carrie past history with being teased this match will be a recipe for disaster."
Team Lay-Cool enters the ring with t-shirts on that says "Carrie is FAT!"
"Layla this is one UGLY. I dont know what to call her girl?"
"Michelle that is called a pig and that is an ugly one as well"
They both laugh and continue to hurtle insults at Carrie and in the meantime Carrie body starts jerking and she starts to hover above the ground.
"Ummmmm folks I'm going to hide behind my announcing table like a scared little girl as I do not want to see Carrie retaliation as it could go very VERY WRONG."
The lights flicker and Lay-Cool falls silent as they watch in fear as Carrie starts to hover above them.
Carrie eyes go red and starts bleeding blood and she screams a shrill sound that is indescribable.
Right after that scream Lay-Cool starts to become bloated and they combust into the air as blood rain onto the crowd!
Carrie is the winner of the match by spontaneous combustion!
"Well, on the bright side folks we don't have to hear their pathetic insults anymore since they were Spontaneous combusted by Carrie who seems to gone back to the locker rooms. Let's hope she stays!'
"Haddonfield resident serial killer is already in the ring to face The Undertaker! This will be the Undertakers toughest match as Micheal Myers can't be killed as evil never dies. So I wonder if evil never gets pin as well?"
Micheal Myers stands in the middle of the ring with a steak knife in hand standing as still as a statue.
("Graveyard Symphony" by Jim Johnston plays as the Undertaker slowly walks towards the ring with Paul Bearer pulling a casket along the way)
"Folks Paul Bearer is back from his cement grave and this match seems to have become a casket match."
The undertaker enters the ring and walk in front of Myers leering into his eyes!
"The Undertaker means business folks and from the looks of it he is determined to win this match!'
The bell rings.
Michael Myers takes his knife and brutally jams the knife into the undertakers shoulder. The undertaker does not flinch and pulls the knife out and stabs his opponent square in the chess!
The Undertaker punches Myers with left and right hooks and gives him the big boot to top it off. The Undertaker grabs Myers by the neck and Chokeslams him. The Undertaker applies the Hell's Gate to Myers!
"This might be a very short match as The Undertaker is DOMINATING THIS MATCH. Wait a second, folks. I can't believe my eyes. Myers just muscled his way out of that deadly submission hold!
Myers muscles his way and and powerbombs The Undertaker. Myers pulls the knife out of his chest and proceeded to stab the Undertaker.
"This may be the end of the legend called The Undertaker folks!"
Suddenly Paul Bearer tackles Myers to the ground saving The Undertaker. Myers turns his attention to Bearer and stabs him in every place imaginable. Bearer falls to the ground twitching while he breaths his last breath.
The undertaker enraged by Bearer death punches Myers like a madman into the corner and performs Old School. The undertaker gives Myers The Last Ride over and over again.
"I can't believe The Undertaker has given The Last Ride to Micheal Myers seven times already. How many more is needed to neutralize Micheal Myers!'
The undertaker once again execute the The Last Ride on Myers and the eighth time snaps myers neck killing him.
The Undertaker drags the dead Micheal Myers and throws him into the casket and goes back to throw Paul Bearer in as well!
The Undertaker sets the casket on fire and pushes the casket onto the entrance ramp and into the locker rooms.
"The Undertake has won this match in a decisive manner that has left the crowd silent. Well, the crowd is silent due to the threat that anyone of these Horror Icon could turn on the spectators!'
"Folks this is the final match and I'm glad it's the last match considering the fact that Michael Cole corpse is starting to make me sick from its decaying smell.
"Jason Voorhees heading towards the ring with his Machete.....WHAT THE.....John Cena just tackled Jason into the steel steps and threw him into the ring.....folks...THE CHAMP IS HERE!"
Jason gets back to his feet and stood there looking at Cena.
Cena does his "You can't see me wave" and does a Running one–handed bulldog on Jason and stomps him into the mat.
Jason gets up and shrugs off the attack.
Cena execute the Thesz press followed by multiple punches and does a Twisting belly to belly suplex. Cena ended that beat down with a Spinebuster!
Cena gave a battle cry and tackled Jason into the ring post and gave him a Attitude Adjustment three times and gave him the STF.
"IF John Cena can't defeat Jason Voorhees, then Cena will lose as Jason is toying with Cena by letting him beat the crap out of him. The sad part is that I believe Cena know this too."
Jason suddenly powers out of the STF and stood up and swiftly punch Cena right in the mouth shattering his teeth which echoed into the silent crowd.
Cena tries to retaliate by throwing a punch back but Jason grabs his hand and snaps it back bringing Cena to his knees.
The raw bone sticking out to where his hand once was.
Cena tries to stand but falls to the ground after a violent kick to both legs sent them bent backwards awkwardly with the bone sticking out from the kneecaps.
Cena cries of agony are silenced with a swift slice to his neck by Jason Voorhees's Machete!
"I can't believe it John Cena is....no more.....I can't comprehend the emotion and total sadness the crowd is emitting...and...."
Scream are heard near the entrance of the Titantron set. The upper half of the The undertaker torso was thrown into the crowd by a half transformed werewolf Batista.
Carrie Hovers out onto the ramp and vaporises the barb wired steel fences. A now transformed werewolf Batista starts tearing into the crowd massacring many.
Freddy Kruger leaps into the crowd laughing with glee with every person he kills. Carrie and Chucky go to the other corner of the stadium to progress the killing of innocents.
Michael Myers burst out of his casket and heads towards the people trying to escape through the Titantron set. Jason is killing the referee, the camera men and other WWE officials.
"Well Jason Voorhees will no doubt brutally tear me to pieces once he's done with the referee....well...errr.....I DON"T WANT TO DIE.....OH WHY DIDN'T I LISTEN TO THAT IDIOT MICHEAL COLE?....WHY...OH WH.....
("No Chance in Hell" by Jim Johnston plays into the crowd)
The killings stop and everyone whose still alive watch as Vince McMahon struts to the center of the ramp with a old thick book in hand.
"I don't know if it's the fear talking or the thought of Jason being just one feet away but....I notice that Vince always walks like he got a broom stick stuck up his ass...."
"What I have in my hand is the Necronomicon and as Chairman and CEO of World Wrestling Entertainment I declared all Horror Icons to be future endeavorer from World Wrestling Entertainment. so in other words....YOU'RE FFFFIRRRRRRRREDDD!!" Yelled Vince
"On a personal note...all of your horror films you have stared in sucked and the Teletubbies are more scarier then the lot of you!" says Vince McMahon
"Necronomicon will also bring everybody back to life and make everyone....including me forget that any of this took place and you'll all think that this is the Fatal four way PPV" Declares Vince
(Vince chants pages of the Necronomicon)
The horror Icons faded away and those who died are brought back to life and Batista is transformed back to normal and the wrestlers brought back to life. All the wrestlers fade onto the ring and Vince stops chanting and fades into nothing.
"uhhhh...okay....I don't recall anything.....oh right the PPV......Well folks that the conclusion of the Fatal 4-Way PPV I'm Jacob Waring have a good evening!"
"Ahhhh...I'm alive.....ALIVE...."Cole exclaims
"Cole...your scaring the kids who are watching man...."I told him nervously
"Jacob...Freddy Kruger killed me...and I'm back to life....and I..." stuttered Cole
"Cole...this is a PG show...we cant speak of a Wes Craven flick...by the way what ever you are on...get off of it as the wellness policy is in effect for announcers too ya know!" I say
"But....but...but...oh whatever...."Cole says weakly
"Again folks that concludes tonights programing!"I announce
This is probably how it would turn out in a horror film or in a storyline setting of the WWE!
I hope you enjoyed this unique slideshow to say the least, and also enjoy the interesting perspective of blending the worlds of horror film and the WWE together!