Summarizing The Historical Ramifications Of The WNBA Fight

BY BOBBY METZINGER

Detroit -

When push comes to shove, literally speaking, the WNBA doesn't hold a scented candle to their male counterparts over at the Association (the NBA). This includes all aspects of the game, even the unwritten rules of engagement, i.e. if one of your boys goes after an opponent, you got his back, even if he just took your spot as the best sixth man in the league. These Hammurabian hardwood codes date back to the days of Naismith and Phog, and are not to be taken lightly. But what happened in Detroit on Tuesday night put the WNBA on DEATHCOM 1 alert status as a league.

First of all, the WNBA, and I will bestow some mad props to the basketball version of Tupperware parties, has survived for twelve mind boggling seasons. That is amazing. The WNBA even has a collective bargaining agreement in place, so if you ever hear John Anderson blare out on Sports Center the following "Sue Bird a no-show to training camp. Yeah, she's holding out for more money. She's got kids, you know," you won't be dreaming. I'm not sure about the kids part, but they do have a CBA, which is cool. The Houston Comets back in 2000, were the first WNBA team to be hosted at the Rose Garden by President Clinton, and why not, I mean the guy loves dribbling.

The historic Girl Fight to end all Girl Fights in Detroit signaled the beginning of the end for the WNBA. First of all, the WNBA might see a boost in ticket sales due to 18-25 year-old men scooping up court-side seats in anticipation of another brawl and possible lesbian actions. This will send younger girls and their overprotective mothers back to the turnstiles and out the door. It's not good when your basic target audience (girls) won't buy your product. Second, the WNBA will become a sideshow once the sport-bra-wearing-Springer-guest fights subside probably sometime tomorrow afternoon. "Why aren't these 6 ft. tall women fighting?" little Johnny will ask before not buying a New York Liberty t-shirt, sending league merchandise sales tumbling to new depths.

The fight on Tuesday night was the WNBA reaching the (Pat) Summit of women's professional sporting leagues in America. The descent has begun. The Everestian quest for respect has brought the league a television contract with ESPN/ABC/Disney/Hallmark/Lifetime/Oxygen/Versus/Spice and the WNBA logo of Jerry West's wife penetrating to the hole for two has become a staple of a world-wide marketing and merchandising campaign which has generated tens of dollars. But alas, the party must come to an end. We've all been waiting for a girl-on-girl-on-basketball-court dream sequence, and now that it's happened and the dust has settled and our collective bargaining loads have been blown on the double-breasted suit of Rick Mahorn, we can now go back to our summer of baseball, Tiger-less golf and beating the crap out of the Commies in China.

Good day.

You're currently logged into Facebook

Do you want to share your Bleacher Report activity on Facebook?