Milwaukee Brewers fans are blessed by the opportunity to turn the radio on and hear commentary from one of major league baseball's all time great personalities, Bob Uecker.
The silver fox's play-by-play is both informative and entertaining, providing statistical analysis and insight into the spirit of America's pastime.
The Brewers also have a guy named Telly Hughes.
The Brewers introduced a Ron Dayne impersonator named Telly Hughes to the broadcast team at the beginning of the 2009 season.
The former Illinois State Redbird pitcher's new duties included on-the-field analysis and interviews.
He brought with him quite a reputation from former jobs with radio and television stations in St. Louis and a one-year stint with the Minnesota Twins.
By reputation, I mean that there was already a Facebook group called, "Fire Telly Hughes he's a dumbass."
Telly repeatedly compromised his journalistic integrity as a sports anchor for a St. Louis TV station, KPLR.
Videos such the one below, in which he provides one half of a call and response rap about St. Louis sports completely devoid of rhythm and wit, helped prepare him for the shame he now faces during live television appearances.
Nice gold teeth, Telly.
His resume at KPLR is made even more impressive by the work he did outside of the sports realm.
This pointless, mind-numbing video of Hughes in a "hug off" below may or may not have been crucial to the Brewers' decision to bring him to the broadcast team.
It is somewhat worth noting that only two people liked Telly enough to hug him within the 15 minute time frame. It is definitely worth noting that while his counterpart was named "Cuddle Bunny," Telly took on the moniker of a bear.
Similarly worthless videos can be found on KPLR's YouTube page. The "Prank Wars," and "Top Gun," series are particularly entertaining, as the bear actually attempts to act.
The 2008 Twins went 88-75 and were just one game back from winning the AL Central and earning a postseason appearance.
Joe Mauer lead the American League in batting average(.328), was a Gold Glove and Silver Slugger winner, and was named to the All-Star team along with teammates Joe Nathan and Justin Morneau.
Amidst all the success, one man could be counted on to fail consistently.
Telly Hughes mumbled his way through segment after segment and insufferable interview after interview. In a clip that has become one of his most famous embarrassments, Telly teamed up with Twins center-fielder Carlos Gomez to defeat the English language.
While most of the words that make up the "sentences" here won't register to the majority of ears that rest on semi-educated heads, Hughes does manage to repeatedly ask Gomez how he feels.
This has become a staple in his interviews, as he usually just describes things that players did and then says, "that must have felt good." Point microphone at subject and stare into space.
The Wisconsin branch of FSN North brought Telly over just before the 2009 season, and he made an early impression in an interview with Eric Arnett, the Brewers' No. 1 draft pick that year.
Hughes' microphone cut out halfway through the segment, followed by some nervous shuffling until the broadcast finally cut away to something else.
It was probably something more interesting, like a sausage commercial or that FSN show where a couple guys go fishing, or anything else at all.
After they fixed the technical difficulty and came back to the interview, Telly wished Arnett the best of luck with his career and said he hopes it will go better than the first half of their interview.
As of June 13, 2010, Arnett is two years into his minor league career and has a 0-11 record and 5.93 ERA. So yeah, his career is going better.
Now Telly can be seen bothering players before, during, and after Brewers games.
He is often visibly nervous while talking to the athletes, and many of them either hold back laughter and/or just laugh at him as he struggles through his own questions.
As one message board member, Irongland, put it on the site Canis Hoopus(whatever the hell that is), "I thought (Davey) Nelson might have been the worst Brewers analyst that I've heard and then Telly Hughes came along. Jesus H those two are awful."
The video below pretty much sums it all up.
Be sure to tune into FSN North for more Telly highlights.
Also, follow me on Twitter at @NotTellyHughes as I continue my slight obsession with this goofy bastard through a fake account. You'll get witty game day commentary, rough and most likely innaccurte Brewers analysis, made up interviews and all the stupid junk I can find to post about Telly.