Movie Bad Asses That Should Compete In MMA
With all the cross over athletes trying their hand at mixed martial arts, perhaps it is time that some of the legendary heroes of the silver screen give it a go.
With such the deep pool of bad muthus that have graced the performing arts with their presence, maybe showcasing their skills in the Octagon would do the sport of MMA some good.
It would give a whole new meaning to the industry's pep talk slogan of "break a leg."
With that in mind, join me wont you as we take a trip down memory lane and take a closer look at a series of bad asses that should have been mixed martial artists.
James Dalton, Bouncer, Ladies Man, Throat Removal Specialist
Who doesn't practice Tai Chi glistening in the sun in pajama pants?
Dalton does one thing and one thing only, he cleans up towns of any riff raff that think they know a thing or two about being bad guys.
And if you get too froggy, he will separate you from your esophagus.
With the help of his esteemed colleague and fellow move bad ass Wade Garret, Dalton has made a living putting so-called bad guys away.
Surely he would like to take a crack at cleaning up some of the bad boys of MMA.
Could a guy like Dalton cut it in one of the worlds most demanding sports?
"Does a hobby horse have a wooden @#$%?"
A Man Who Needs Only One Name: Blade
So maybe he will have to leave his sword cage side, but with his prowess for hand to hand combat, Blade would make a nice fit.
There’s no telling if the athletic commission would allow him to compete as blood testing may prove a challenge, but if they get too cute, the daywalker could just dismember them and go on as he pleased.
Seriously, who is going to tell Blade that he can’t compete?
That would be vampirial discrimination and the sport just cant handle that type of controversy right now.
Chong Li: If You Dont Know You Better Google Him
Chong Li, for those of you who don't know is probably the single most intimidating Chinese martial arts actor you will ever see.
Built like a Sherman tank, this guy is simply huge. He is THE bad guy in many early martial arts films up to and including Bruce Lee's Enter The Dragon, and the Frank Dux story Bloodsport.
Take a good look and tell me this guy wouldn’t make Brock Lesnar tinkle in his singlet.
JCVD: Any Movie Role Ever
Seriously, what's not to like about repeated angles of the same kick over, and over, and over, and over again, followed up by a slow motion, wide eyed, guttural Ki Ai battle cry?
Any man who can do the splits like this guy has got to have a high threshold for pain. How could he not do well in MMA?
Ivan Drago: I Must Break You
Take a good look at that hair cut, absolute perfection.
Ivan Drago may be a one dimensional fighter, and apparently on the same training regimen as Alistair Overeem, but this guy is downright scary.
His stare down rivals that of Wanderlei Silva, and he takes great pride in his motherland and would fight to the death for her.
This monstrosity could turn the heavyweight division on its ear.
Alien: Ellen Ripley
Listen up all you female mixed martial artists, if you don’t have razor sharp talons, or deadly acidic blood, or simply a nasty drool, you wouldn’t last a second in the cage with Ripley.
This tough cookie doesn’t muck around and will destroy anyone who dares to enter a cage fight with her.
And just in case you’re wondering, Christiane Santoss, she is an expert in dealing with Cyborgs/Androids, and to be quite honest doesn’t really like them all that much.
Captain James T. Kirk: Captain's Log Stardate Bad Ass
This little fella has been searching the galaxy for a worthy opponent and has yet to find it. Unless you count gorgeous green alien women, they prove quite a match for Captain Kirk.
Perhaps he can find his match in the Octagon, maybe there he will finally be challenged to his limits. Then again, probably not so much.
No Movie Role, Steven Seagal Is Actually That Bad In Real Life
As a fighter you have to realistically ask yourself, am I willing to lose a limb?
If the answer is no, steer clear of any match making that involves the man pictured here. For the the sake of your career and all that is holy, just smile and look away quickly.
DO NOT engage him in anything more than a polite gesture or you will suffer greatly.
You Knew This One Was Coming Right? Chuck Muthu@#%ing Norris
If you don’t know who this is, shame on you. There is a long history of Chuck Norris facts for you to get up to speed by studying. And for the record, they are facts not jokes.
Bottom line, bulging biceps, bushy beard, no upper lip, and pure testosterone equals the baddest man to ever live.
This guy has actually been banned for life from MMA due to the fact that he literally can never be beat, ever.
Chuckles, as he is known by his friends, has saved this world more times than they care to remember.
Just pay your respect and don’t even think of trash talking him, you will suffer if you do.
Consider yourself warned.
If an explanation is necessary, you simply don't belong here.
Suffice to say, Bruce is the only one to ever beat Chuck Norris, end of story.