Growing up, everyone dreams of playing sports for a living, and being a superstar. Being a star would be great. The fame, money, and glory would be all yours.
However, there are overlooked sports positions that would be almost as great, and arguably more fun, as being LeBron James or Tom Brady. Don't believe me? Check out the list.
Very few fans know who you are, you probably have to wear some goofy logo of some random company on your shirt, and virtually everyone openly roots against you if you are in contention on Sunday against the likes of Phil, Sergio, or Tiger (yes, even now).
Who cares? You play golf for a living, damnit!
You spend the majority of your days in great weather on the best courses in the world. Plus, even the ugliest tour pros have scorching hot wives. Life is good.
Of course, there are downsides. The pressure to make cuts is immense for you, because your sponsorships hinge on performance, and aren't enough to thrive off of alone. Also, loads of practice is needed. Even for a middling tour pro, they are damn good at golf.
Still, playing a sport for a living that "normies" like me spend loads of money on? Sounds sweet to me.
Your job is to be a human missile, and hit someone as hard as you can after a 60-yard sprint. If you are great at what you do, you will be lauded with praise. If your not, you still get to earn checks in sweet anonymity (Don't completely suck though, or you'll be watching the games on TV with the rest of us losers). If you are truly great, you can even become a quasi-star (See: Tasker, Steve).
Obviously your body is going to take some punishment when you earn your keep as a living, breathing bowling ball, but it's always better to give then to receive.
You mess with star players on the other team and pick fights the whole time you're on the ice. Your home fans love you, and the fans of the other teams hate you, which is also fun.
Enforcers (or "goons" for the holier-than-thou types who want fighting to be taken out of hockey) are some of the most popular players in the sport. I know this because as a fan of the Minnesota Wild, I have watched it happen first-hand with Derek Boogaard. Boogaard has little discernable hockey skill, but he checks hard and punches harder, and has become one of the most popular - Wilders? Wildmen? Whatever - because of it.
The one major downfall is you could easily get your face caved in at some point. Regardless, if you're big, ugly, and can kind of skate, enforcer is where it's at.
If towel waving, high-fives, dancing at parades, and being irregularly tall are major parts of your skill set, then this is the position for you! Made famous by Mark Madsen and Club Trillion, the 12th Man is an integral part of any NBA team. Sure, they virtually never play, but someone has to be there to jump of the bench and celebrate violently after every big play.
Aside from being paid to watch games from the front row, there is one other major perk of being a 12th Man. The NBA is notorious for jersey chasing strumpets casing the locker rooms after every game, trying to get their bills paid. They can't all hook up with the star player, so some eventually slide down the bench to the scrubs. Naturally they won't be the pick of the litter, but easy tail is hard to come by! Just don't get lax on defense with one of them, if you catch my drift.
Ahh yes, the greatest position in sports. Think about it. You spend the first few innings goofing off in the dugout, giving hot foots, and chewing all the tobacco you please. Once the game enters the middle innings, you retreat to the bullpen with your fellow relievers, to continue screwing off down there.
Every third day or so, you might be called upon to actually pitch in a game. No problem, just toss the ball a little to loosen up the old noodle and you're good to go.
Of course, it's not all sunflower seeds and shaving cream pies. It's very possible that, through no fault of your own, you will get tossed into a high stress, two on, no out jam that you have to try to weasel your way out of. The other downside is no sweet entrance music like the closers get.
At the end of the day though, middle relief is where it's at. Mop-up duty and Major League highjinks sounds like the life to me.