These tepid NBA playoffs have produced all the excitement of a garden hose with a leak.
Some viewers might prefer three hours of a light drizzle in the backyard to the three hours of dreck so common in this heralded postseason.
Maybe, just maybe, after an astonishing number of sweeps and non-competitive matches, the L.A. Lakers and Boston Celtics will give pro hoops fans a battle worth the hype.
The vaunted Cleveland Cavaliers-Celtics series—a supposed pairing of defensive titans hungrier than ever to secure the gold trophy—yielded more walkovers than a rug in a Beverly Hills hotel.
The Orlando Magic dropped the first three games of the Eastern Conference Finals before waking up enough to win a game.
Outside of the Dallas Mavericks-San Antonio Spurs Texas tussle in the opening round and a few other nail-biter contests, the playoffs have been a bust.
It is understandable, then, that talk of the superstars who will populate the free agent market this summer has often usurped coverage of the teams still in the hunt for a title.
For at least a few weeks, columnists and casual fans will focus on the NBA Finals instead of potential destinations for LeBron James.
Breaking news: James could trade Cavs' wine and gold for another team's jersey. Other squads can make pitches to him beginning July 1.
If ESPN, Yahoo! Sports, and other national outlets were more in tune with current events, they would talk about LeBron's future once or twice.
Is it too much to ask for a few paragraphs of speculation? Why can't Stuart Scott ask the ABC studio crew about the reigning MVP's future?
Would it kill the New York Knicks or anyone else to show some interest through back channels?
Leave it to me to dish out the NBA's well-guarded secrets.
If my sarcasm hasn't assaulted or insulted you yet, continue reading to see how the playoffs will affect the proceedings this summer.
You can bet they will.
Here are five ways.