2010 FIFA World Cup: Capello Ready To Ring His Final 23
30 houses lay on edge as each and every one hopes that the grim reaper won't be bringing a short term death sentence on the international careers of England hopefuls.
Through the jittery legs and memories of longer fingernails, all 30 hopefuls are soon to find out if they are to head to South Africa for the tournament which begins on 11th June.
For those who receive the call a long summer of frustration and boredom is sure to emerge.
Maybe Fabio Capello could at least ring them in a manner that could bring a little sunshine to their moods.
The Green Machine, Brrring Brrrring.....
If Capello ever wanted to annoy a player to the point where they would actually welcome the news that their England hopes come to an Earth shattering halt, then look no further than this green machine.
Instead players can spend the summer visualizing the slow and painful destruction of the slippery slimeball to blame for the murder to their ears.
Surely a convincing alternative if ever there was one....
Whaaaaaaaaaazzup, Whazzzzzzzzup, Whazzzzzup
Or why not get high, start a three way calling session and have a laugh about it all.
Keep the hidden disappointment at bay just a little while longer whilst wearing extended face masks and screaming this immortalized welcome greeting over and over again.
The only downfall is that you have to face the come down from hell, as you ponder where it all went so achingly close and wildly wrong.
Yes, It Should Have Been Me
Lost dreams and restless nights will no doubt accompany constant renditions of, "It Should Have Been Me," as the players sit amongst the rest of us watching spectators.
So, why not give the players an early warning to what their pointless summer existence will involve by playing the Gladys Knight song full blast down the other end of the phone.
It is enough to spur any man on to greater things when the circus heads to Brazil four years later.
One To Avoid: The Kiss of Death
For the mean in everyone, why not reveal the news of lost cap opportunities with an eerie "seven days" whisper that will haunt the players until their impending demise at the bottom of a well one week later.
The players are then left to attempt an aversion of this dismal outcome and must prove themselves worthy of a further existence.
Consequential hallucinations and cleverly related videos are a definite must.