For this Memorial Day, I've prepared a special treat for my readers—a piece that will make the sun warmer, cheeseburgers tastier, and getting paid on a holiday that much better.
If some ungodly beast of a boss has required you to come in today, return the favor by using some company Internet to thoroughly "read" through this article (don't worry, it's SFW—safe for work): a personal homage to the sexiest ambassador mixed martial arts has to offer.
Are you prepared to take a leap of faith into this euphoric utopia that's been created? Trust me, the Mad Hatter of MMA, and take the plunge down this rabbit hole. It won't hurt a bit—a trust fall amongst men.
Hold that thought. Like, I have to twist your arm and sell the idea of looking at 10 gorgeous pictures of UFC ring girl sensation Arianny Celeste—click away! I won't be offended if you run down your mouse by clicking the orange arrows repeatedly, absorbing only a few words of narrative.
This is the greatest Memorial Day cookout on the Internet, grilling up 10 of the finest pictures I could muster up during my extensive "research." It's hard being so dedicated sometimes....
Have a good holiday, and enjoy!
In this hyper-anorexic world Hollywood portrays and promotes, it's refreshing to see a woman enjoy food, eloquently stuffing her face like nobody is watching.
For the two women braving through this article, don't be afraid to eat every meal like it was a piece of cheesecake. There are guys out there that prefer curves and women that don't eat like rabbits on dates.
The only thing that could make this pic sexier is if Arianny had some guacamole plastered on the corners of her mouth like a kid that just got kicked out of fat camp.
“For every beauty there is an eye somewhere to see it. For every truth there is an ear somewhere to hear it. For every love there is a heart somewhere to receive it.”—Ivan Panin
I think I'm seeing stars or phosphenes, randomly firing cells in my brain causing unprovoked visuals in my retina.
Of course, it could be those "half-panties" with polka dots that are getting chewed up like a piece of bubble gum.
Ms. Celeste's sheepish grin says it all in this picture: "Oh shoots, clumsy me forgetting to put on a shirt."
That is one black diamond slope that any inexperienced skier would put their neck on the line to jump down.
“Love of beauty is Taste. The creation of beauty is Art.”—Ralph Waldo Emerson
This is a pristine full-body shot that would resurrect Michelangelo from his grave.
Had the Italian artist gotten a glance of this living artwork back in the 1500s, David's famous junk would have been chiseled down and breasts added—the transformation from man to woman completed with a set of heels.
Another historical alteration would have taken place at the Sistine Chapel. Its middle section would have been chipped away, replaced by God and Arianny touching fingers.
Who got to take this "casual" picture that appears to be at someone's house? Is she out on the balcony getting some fresh air after a busy day of house choirs, dusting away what film enthusiasts call the fourth wall?
Also, does that bikini top not have straps? I can only conclude that magic is keeping that top on. She's probably a victim of crappy craftsmanship, accidental I'm sure. I just hope she kept her receipt.
So many questions...
“Pretty is something you're born with. But beautiful, that's an equal opportunity adjective.”—Anonymous
Urban scribe Bubba Sparxxx said it best: "I found you, Ms. New Booty." The booty is indeed rockin' everywhere in this picture.
When Mom told me to look for a girl with good posture, is that what she meant? Come to think of it, Dad must have blessed me with those words of wisdom.
Unfortunately for the common man, taking a girl like this to the beach would require a black belt in ass-kickin' and an array of weapons.
“We live only to discover beauty. All else is a form of waiting.”—Khalil Gibran
The facial beauty of this picture exceeds the Mona Lisa—to be fair, Mona didn't pose half naked under running water.
If you're an aspiring "hottie" looking to hang up your waitress apron and break into the modeling world, you must embrace tropical habitats.
It's an essential career move because seeing a beautiful woman frolicking in water before her skin prunes up is like watching a sunset paint the sky a spectrum of warm colors.
This is the wet shot of the slideshow, the little mermaid for adults.
“She's beautiful, and therefore to be woo'd. She is a woman, therefore to be won”—William Shakespeare
We're only on No. 5!? I'll have to dig deep to find the inner strength to soldier on after such a stupidly hot picture like this one.
The mind-numbing properties induced from this shot are immense, worse (or better depending on your lifestyle) than any recreational drug on the market.
Conventional wisdom says not to mix Red Bull and booze, but I'd like to tweak this modern-day warning: DO NOT stare deeply into this slide while drinking a Red Bull.
If you do, your heart might explode after the pic's hotness lights up your neurons, making them fire off like the fourth of July.
Oh to be a professional photographer. Instead, I get tunnel vision and bloodshot eyes spending most of my free time typing away like I was peeling potatoes in the Navy.
“Beauty is truth's smile when she beholds her own face in a perfect mirror.”—Rabindranath Tagore
Men and women alike can appreciate the stylistic creativity that went into the construction of that bra. Victoria has left very few secrets for the imagination in this design.
How funny would it be if she was wearing frumpy, ill-fitting, but comfortable man sweatpants while posing for this shot? The humorous contrast would not be safe for public consumption.
On that note, I'll let your mind wander as you guess what absurd combination I'm rockin' on my Bleacher Report profile pic. I guarantee it doesn't match!
“Beauty is unbearable, drives us to despair, offering us for a minute the glimpse of an eternity that we should like to stretch out over the whole of time.”—Albert Camus
Out of the professional photos altered to enhance Arianny's natural beauty, this tops the list. Her face, hair, and body are a terrestrial trinity of artistry—light in an often dark world of suffering.
The healing properties of this picture go beyond modern medicine. It makes a blind man see and a crippled person run marathons.
Could we petition the UN to dump millions of leaflets of this picture on Third World countries, along with pounds of free food, creating the illusion of heaven opening its floodgates on the unfortunate?
Not only is this one of her most aesthetically astonishing portraits, it possesses an artistic angle as well—a modern interpretation of Auguste Rodin's The Thinker.
“Beauty is not caused. It is.”—Emily Dickinson
Everything on TV, in movies, and in magazines more often than not misrepresents women's natural beauty. I'll go out on a limb and even call it false advertising, an inflation of expectations.
With the right team of makeup artists, lighting, and airbrushing, something as putrid as staph infection could look enticing. Clearly a stretch, but the point remains: Everyday beauty is the ultimate humanizing truth to any person's worth.
Luckily in this technologically advanced world we live in, we're not restricted to just manufactured examples of beauty. Through social Internet outlets like Facebook, people are able to get glimpses of brave celebrities in their more natural forms.
“People are like stained-glass windows. They sparkle and shine when the sun is out, but when the darkness sets in, their true beauty is revealed only if there is a light from within.”—Elisabeth Kubler-Ross
Despite being grainy and professionally inferior to most of the pictures in this article, this is the closest thing we can get to a candid look into the real Arianny Celeste.
This cell phone-quality photo captures more in two megapixels than all of the others combined, a still moment of serenity. There is enough natural allure here to beg the question: Does her internal beauty parallel her external beauty?
Granted, she is wearing lip gloss and mascara, but those are only minor self-applied additives to the masterpiece lying in bed, convincing all beholders of vision that her morning breath pleasantly reeks of lavender and jasmine.
Remember ladies, us men are simple creatures; quit trying to impress each other by overdoing it. There are guys out there that appreciate the inner beauties of a woman, the intricacies of her true self.
Personally, there's nothing more attractive than a sense of humor, the vessel of a beautiful smile—the ability to laugh at yourself.
Despite all the manufactured sexuality that is force-fed down our throats, you'd be surprised how many guys there are out in the real world that have real expectations.
“The true beauty of a woman is her inherent ability to make better a man in every way.”—Don Williams, Jr.