I wanted to be a baseball or hockey announcer when I "grew up."
I got accepted into a program after high school, but foolishy followed my friends to a different school and different program.
What a mistake.
But bigger mistakes have been made. For example, the people that gave the following fifteen men their first shot in the broadcast booth or behind a sports desk.
Keep in mind, I'm Canadian, live in Canada, so there is a considerable amount of Canadian content amongst this list.
As well, they are in no particular order. I hate them all equally.
Shannon Sharpe doing a highlight package:
"Ok here we go, bah duh, bah buh, dur, bah, BOOM, first down, uh, bugh loo, buh.. 14-10 Steelers at the half."
Loved him as a player (he was unreal in Madden games), can't understand anything he tries to tell me on television. In an ironic way, that makes him pretty damn entertaining.
Unlike Shannon Sharpe, I hated Dennis Eckersley as a player.
Seeing him give up that game-tying homerun to Roberto Alomar in Game 5 of the 1992 ALCS is one of my all time favourite sports moments.
Jays fans will remember how he huffed and puffed at the Jays dugout just an inning earlier.
As a part time colour guy on NESN's Red Sox, he is the quintesential homer. He snickers and degrades opponents without giving fair and balanced analysis. Its too bad because he is the only bad part of an otherwise great NESN broadcast team.
Let's continue picking on NESN.
There is nothing I hate more than a homer. And look that term up in the dictionary, and you will find this guy's turd-eating grin. (Not really, but if I wrote a dictionary, then you could count on it).
Oh, the reasons to hate this guy. I'll provide you with these tasty treats:
Compares a Bruins playoff win over Montreal to the Revolutionary War:
Laughs like a lunatic reacting the crowd in Philly (this one is particularly professional):
I would have loved to hear his call after the Bruins collapse earlier this month.
Look, I understand that Beantowners probably think this guy is a legend. I just can't look past the homerism and unprofessional diatribe.
I had no idea one could make a living screaming at the top of their lungs, but this guy has proven it true.
Fact: His actual middle name is Overreacting.
Who can forget his call of Brandon Stokley's tip drill catch last year that won the Broncos a game?
I certainly can't, because it was on the Sportscentre Top 10 for like 84 days in a row.
He also does UFC work, which I could care less about.
Another fact: Always assumed he was white. Stunned when I actually Googled him.
Just look at him. Is that seriously not enough?
Well if its not, how about his stupid, early 90's schtick of adding unoriginal nicknames to players while doing highlights?
Even that wouldn't be so bad, if he had more than one trick up his sleeve. Instead, all he does is this:
"Here's Jason Spezza, coming down the wing, The Spezz-onian One..."
"Deep fly ball here by Adam Lind, the Lind-onain One..."
Oh, it's the same, and not funny after the first time? Someone should have told Don Taylor that in, say, 1994.
Epic mustache aside, this guy is just awful at what he does.
Perhaps it's the fact that the company that owns the team he works for actually signs his pay cheques too, but you will never hear Rance utter one negative word about anything to do with the Toronto Blue Jays.
As a Jays fan, he tries to pull the wool over your eyes, and nothing is more insulting to your intelligence.
Aaron Hill has been showing signs of coming out of his slump since the beginning of the season.
Dana Eveland is just a victim of bad luck.
That oil spill in the Gulf is constantly progressing.
Again, just look at that face. How is he not hosting Cash Cab or something like that?
Instead, Campbell got to live his dream of calling Jays games on Sportsnet for the past several years, before the suits there finally came to their senses and replaced him with Buck Martinez.
Buck is no Vin Scully, but frankly, the chair I'm sitting on right now is an improvement over Campbell.
Turn to a Jays game on Sportsnet over the past six seasons, and you no doubt reach for your remote again because you think you've accidentally hit the mute button. But no, its just another 20 seconds of customary silence that dominated broadcasts for way too long.
OH MYYYYY! Good riddance.
Chip is lucky that his Grandfather is one of the most beloved names in baseball history, otherwise, he would be driving the cable truck parked outside the stadium.
He was put out of his misery by TBS after an embarrassing attempt at calling playoff games last year.
I had to put up with this guy calling Cubs games on WGN after his Grandfather Harry passed away, and now he has moved on to infuriate Atlanta Braves faithful (where his Dad also called games before he died in 2008).
Hysterically could be played by Jim Carrey if a movie ever gets made about his Grandfather.
Yep, thats a REAL photo.
Like I said, he is to FOX what Gus Johnson is to CBS. The guy seems to call everything, but is mainly known for his awful attempts at calling games in the majors and the NFL.
Handsome devil, though.
Panthers fans will defend this guy to the end, but then again, they're Panthers fans for a reason.
He only does radio, despite being a bit more handsome than Kenny Albert.
His signature? Screaming lines from Will Ferrell movies after the Panthers score.
Just listening to this clip makes me angry:
I don't see what any of that crap has to do with hockey. And whats worse, you just know this guy sits there before a game going through Will Ferrell's character's quotes on IMDB and saying "Ok, I can use that after the first goal."
Thank goodness the Panthers can only score once a game.
Its called trying to hard Randy. You're doing it.
I almost didn't include good ol' Pierre.
He's just too easy a target at this point.
Find one person that likes him, you'll find ten that hate him. I'm one of the latter.
Anyone reading this (from Canada, anyway), doesn't need me to list the lines he screams and yells or awkwardly says at inopportune times.
Plus, can this guy look like more people?
Terry Francona? Check.
Heinrich Himmler? Check
Dana Carvey in that turtle movie? Check.
This guy has the most ridiculous job in all of sports broadcasting.
He reads Tweets. He throws up softballs to Scott Morrison. That is it.
If thats not bad enough, when he does actually SAY something, he has to make sure it includes some kind of rare sports lingo.
Score is 3-0? Nope, its "three - cobb", sorry.
He is the kind of guy who would tell you how many times he's seen Slapshot and Bull Durham.
Should have stuck to wrestling.
I'll take some flack for this, but I have been hating on Cabbie for a while now.
He has his moments.
My problem is that he just comes off as kind of a pathetic jock sniffer. Its okay in a way, because he isn't shy to make fun of himself, which is an important quality in television.
I used to be a fan, but now its just the same schtick with Cabbie, no matter what he is covering.
Maybe I've grown out of him. He tends to cater to a younger crowd. I don't care about Ice Girls or Lakers Girls anymore.
Give me Gerry Dee over Cabbie any day.
This guy was gold when he was a correspondent. His work covering the World Junior Championships over the years was great.
Then someone had the bright idea to bring him to SportsCentre and stick him behind the desk. The results have been vomit inducing.
I can't watch when he is anchoring anymore. The dude just tries WAY too hard, and thats a quality I can't stomach.
Mind you, he has to live up to the likes of Jay Onrait and Dan O'Toole and quite frankly, thats impossible.
Just to show you I'm not biased.
Errey may or may not be drunk every single game.
And thats all I have to say about him. Phoning in this last slide. Deal with it.