Yogi Berra is synonymous with hilarious, sometimes head scratching, quotes, and he was among the most quotable athletes of all-time.
Today, we have colorful White Sox manager Ozzie Guillen to turn to if we want an entertaining tirade, or an inappropriate slur of some sort.
He may be rude, and certainly doesn't have a filter of any sort, but he always speaks his mind, and that has left us with quite an array of hilarious quotes.
What follows are my 10 favorites, and I encourage you to suggest any I may have missed.
Quote: "I'm not in a pennant race, but at least I have some pride and at least I have something to fight for and at least I have something to show up to this ballpark and play [for]. And when you go out there and you turn your TV on and watch stupid [bleep] football, when those [bleeping] football players don't give a [bleep] about you, that's embarrassing."
If nothing else, you can take comfort in the fact that, unlike those spoiled football players, Ozzie and the White Sox care about you.
Quote: "Tell that Triple-A [bleep] to shut the [bleep] up. Tell him to start throwing some strikes or he's going to get Dusty [Baker] fired."
Following the memorable Michael Barrett-A.J. Pierzynski fight, Hill was asked his take on the situation, he called Pierzynski's actions "gutless" and "pathetic" and when Guillen got wind of those comments he was none too pleased.
While the quote itself is not all that funny or original for Guillen, the fact that Hill was sent down to AAA the following day made his comments all the more appropriate and hilarious.
Quote: "I'm not a quitter. When I want to quit, I'll do a lot of stupid things and make sure they fire me and get paid."
Let's hope for the sake of entertainment that he is not joking here, because if he were to ever start trying to get fired, it would be one heck of an entertaining couple of days.
I guess at least there is the fact that Guillen is not a quitter, so he is dedicated to the team. That is until he starts doing crazy things and trying to get fired.
Quote: "That kid should be in the circus and I have to walk him to face someone else. He should be riding some horses and I have to walk that kid. It’s very weird when you walk a guy who is 4-foot-11."
This is the very definition of a backhanded compliment, and a pretty hilarious one at that. Pedroia has been proving doubters wrong for years and he convinced one more doubter in Guillen here.
This is the equivalent of any other manager saying that Pedroia is a dangerous hitter, and they respect his bat enough that they preferred to pitch around him.
Quote: "Because our fans are not stupid like Cubs fans. They know we're [bleep]."
As if the Crosstown Classic was not already enough of a rivalry, and the city were not already split enough over their two teams, Guillen just fed the flames with this comment.
This was in response to a question about how Cubs fans were the superior fans because the White Sox had a meager 22,000 fans the game before the Cubs series started, and a packed house when the Cubs came to town.
Quote: “But one thing about Wrigley Field, I puke every time I go there. That’s just to be honest. And if Cub fans don’t like the way I talk about Wrigley Field, it’s just Wrigley Field. I don’t say anything about the fans or anything now."
Clearly, Guillen is not a fan of Wrigley, but to say he pukes every time he goes there is taking that dislike to another level.
And for him to think that Cubs fans would not take any offense by him knocking their beloved stadium is wishful thinking to say the least.
Nonetheless, he couldn't make it any clearer that he does not want to spend time on the North Side.
Quote: "You are going to take batting practice and the rats look bigger than a pig out there. You want to take a look? I think the rats out there are lifting weights."
According to Guillen, the batting cages in right field are home to some larger-than-life rodents.
This is just one of many gems Guillen has unleashed at the expense of the Friendly Confines, as he is unimpressed with the tradition and atmosphere of the place to say the least.
Quote: "[Showalter] never even smelled a jock in the big leagues. Mr. Baseball never even got a hit in Triple-A. I was a better player than him, I have more money than him, and I'm better looking than him."
This was but the best excerpt from what was roughly a 15-minute rant that Guillen let loose following some controversy after a game with the Rangers.
With their normal third base coach serving a suspension, the Rangers used AAA coach John Wetteland in his place.
He is in fact allowed to, since it is September, and Showalter's post-game comments seem to infer that Guillen should do a better job learning the rules.
Clearly that sort of thing will not go unrebutted by Guillen.
Quote: “I hope I die on the field. I hope when I walk to change the pitcher, I drop dead and that’s it. I know my family would be so happy that it happened on the field. They wouldn’t feel bad because that’s what I’ve always wanted to do."
Say what you will about Guillen, the man absolutely loves baseball and there is little doubt in my mind that when his time comes there is nowhere he would rather be than on a baseball field.
Quote: "He's a piece of [bleep]. He's a fag."
While many of the quotes on this list were met with hearty laughter from those that heard them, this one set off quite a controversy, as the slur was not received well by gay rights groups.
The issue started when rookie pitcher Sean Tracey failed to hit the Rangers Hank Blalock in retaliation for an earlier beaning.
Guillen immediately came out to the mound, yelled at Tracey, and pulled him. He then continued to yell at him in the dugout, bringing the rookie to tears.
On "Around the Horn" the next day, Mariotti called Guillen out, saying his actions were "senseless and immature" and sparking Guillen to respond in usual ignorant fashion with the slur.
Guillen was fined and apologized for using the slur, but not to Mariotti, and the controversy was over.