NBA Draft Lottery: A Humorous Take on Each Team's Rep for the Night
The NBA Draft Lottery can be a tense time for the teams left at the bottom of the heap come playoff time. To make light of an event that could make or break the future for struggling teams, some have sent representatives to create a looser atmosphere.
In 2008, the New Jersey Nets sent minority owner Jay-Z to represent the team. Though the Nets didn't land the top pick, they did have the best rapper in the house.
What would happen if teams got over the business side of things and sent out the best representative their city/team had to offer? My guess is things could get a little out of hand and look a little something like this...
New Jersey Nets - Nicole Polizzi (Snookie)
The Nets tried sending "the Greatest Rapper Alive", Jay-Z to rep the team. Things didn't work out quite as well as they could have for a guy nicknamed "Lucky Lefty".
New Jersey wound up with the 10th pick in a draft with Derrick Rose as the grand prize. The Nets made the best of the pick and landed Brook Lopez, a player who has turned out to be an outstanding young center.
This year the team should look to Snookie from Jersey Shore to play the role of "lady luck." Even if the Nets don't wind up with the first pick, Snookie will lead the charge to partyland, fist-pumping all the way.
Minnesota Timberwolves - Prince Rogers Nelson
Better known as simply Prince, "the Purple One" might be donning some T-Wolves blue at the draft lottery. Though the eccentric pop-star may seem a little bit "out there" to some, he is an avid sports fan.
During the Vikings playoff run this season, Prince decided to pen a new anthem for his favorite gridiron gods. Though the gesture was heartfelt, the finished product left much to be desired.
Sacramento Kings - Zombie Lux Interior
Team officials were quite disappointed to find that Chris Webber is the third most famous onetime resident of Sac-town, behind Ronald Reagan and Rodney King. Since Reagan was, well, unavailable, and Rodney King is still Rodney King, the team looked to the Cramps' frontman Lux Interior.
Though the punk-rock vocalist passed away in 2009, Lux is surprisingly up for the task. In keeping up with the band's horror-themed brand of shock-rock, Interior will rise from the dead to help the Kings accomplish the same.
Golden State Warriors - Todd Shaw (Too Short)
The Warriors want a real street warrior to represent the tough side of Oakland. Who better than the notorious gangsta-rapper Too Short?
Short represents exactly what Golden State's season looked like this year. Not the biggest names and not championship material, but a guilty pleasure that never fails to entertain. Get ready to "Blow The Whistle".
Washington Wizards - Marion Barry
With all that could go wrong for the Wiz after the horrendous 2009-10 season, Washington may want to bring back the days of old. Thanks to Gilbert Arenas' gun scandal, the team likely won't be returning to the old Bullets name, but they can always rely on old faithful himself, former DC mayor Marion Barry.
Sure, he got caught smoking crack with a hooker in the 80s, but the city got over it and reelected their favorite political figure. Though he no longer represents the District as the mayor, he can rep the team in the lottery.
Philadelphia 76ers - Charlie Day
After the Allen Iverson drama, the failure of Elton Brand, and being unable to make a deal at the trade deadline, things are looking bleak for the Sixers. They should get Charlie Day to remind them that "It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia."
The misguided yet lovable Charlie from the hit TV show could have the right attitude for the Philly squad. No matter how ridiculous and out of hand the situation has gotten, always keep trying.
Detroit Pistons - James Osterberg
Detroit has seen glory days, but for the most part, the Pistons have taken their share of abuse in recent years. Same goes for rock and roll and Michigan native Iggy Pop.
If it's luck that the Pistons are looking for, Iggy is certainly lucky to be alive after a hard lived life. One thing is for sure, Iggy won't be dressing up for the occasion.
Los Angeles Clippers - Mike Dunleavy
There are two things you need to know about Mike Dunleavy, he's never "done" and he never "leaves." After a bit too long of a run in LA, Dunleavy was relieved of his coaching duties, but that was not the end of his road in Clipper land.
Dunleavy stayed on as GM of the team before getting fired later in the season. For his last hurrah, Dun will bring his bad vibes to the draft lottery, insuring the team remains cursed.
Utah Jazz - Isiah Thomas
Utah has a lottery pick thanks to former New York Knicks GM Isiah Thomas trading to acquire Stephon Marbury. Thomas assumed that with Marbury, the pick would be meaningless. Instead, the contending Utah Jazz have a lottery pick.
Always excited by the prospect of getting in front of a camera and defending his decisions, Thomas is absolutely available to represent any team if called upon. Utah stands the risk of Isiah's boneheadedness rubbing off on them.
Indiana Pacers - Bobby Plump
Indiana is basketball country, or is it Indiana basketball is country. Either way, the movie Hoosiers cemented the legacy of Indiana basketball.
A little known fact is that the Jimmy Chitwood character in the movie is based on real life high school star Bobby Plump. Known for hitting a lucky shot to win the championship for his team, Plump will try to hit the big one for the Pacers at the lottery.
New Orleans Hornets - Percy Miller (Master P)
Master P has made a career representing New Orleans, most notably through his music that embodies life in the NO, good or bad. If not for his bad knees, he may have been doing his representing on the basketball court for the Hornets, the Charlotte Hornets that is.
Miller was signed by the Hornets in 1998-99 and later by the Toronto Raptors the following year. It would only be right to let P get involved in the future of the New Orleans Hornets and maybe put in a good word for his son who plays for USC.
Memphis Grizzlies - Darnell Carlton (Crunchy Black)
The Grizzlies follow the rapper representative trend by bringing the lesser known part of the Memphis group Three 6 Mafia. It's said that Juicy J and DJ Paul run all tracks by Crunchy for approval before releasing them.
Memphis will look for the same sort of enigmatic representation from CB in the lottery. The Grizz organization hopes to come out of the lottery "popping their collars".
Toronto Raptors - Hedo Turkoglu
Toronto look to be the only team leaning on a player representative in the form of Hedo Turkoglu. After signing a huge deal last summer, Hedo hasn't delivered what the Raptors were looking for.
By having Turk rep the team at the lottery, they feel they can get the most out of him for all the money they have tied up in his deal. No matter what pick the Raps land, it will certainly be "ball".
Houston Rockets - William Shaw (Bushwick Bill)
Houston decides to throw one more rapper in the mix, calling on the smallest rapper around, 3'8" Bushwick Bill. After the Boston Red Sox enlisted a vertically challenged man as their unofficial representative and won a title in 2004, the Rockets hope to do the same.
Bushwick Bill is pretty much the most absurd human being on the planet today, so why not let him rep a basketball team that features a 7'6" Chinese player. You might think you mind is playing tricks on you before things become ever so clear.