Behind Enemy Lines: ESPN, Are You Listening?

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Behind Enemy Lines: ESPN, Are You Listening?

As a Philadelphia sports fan, I have a natural affinity for sh*t. Talkin it, getting it-faced before games, watching the Sixers play like it. One of my few God-given talents is starting it, and all my life I have struggled to find a way to make it a marketable skill.

Until now.

ESPN, your future is now. Are you listening? Because your next great show is on it's way, straight from my brain.

The premise is simple: I, as our charming, handsome, and most likely wasted host, will travel to the biggest rivalry games in the nation, spanning all sports and locations. I will don the most boisterous, gaudy, and ridiculous disguise I can, as a supporter of whichever team is currently visiting.

Followed by cameras both regular and hidden, I will meander my way through the tailgate. I will interview fans, I will show the world the spectacle that takes place before the first whistle blows, but most importantly, I will get hated on.

Who has the most ruthless fans? Which rivalries inspire the most hatred? Just how far will people go to let it be known that my presence is unwanted? Just how many people can a single man possibly piss off in the span of a few hours?

Whether it's openly questioning Tim Tebow's sexuality in Gainesville while dressed as the nations Number 1 Gator Hater, or proposing my theory that Johnny Damon is actually the second coming of our Savior in a Beantown bar, these questions will be answered.

So come on, ESPN, take a chance on me. What do you have to lose, besides your dignity? (I lost mine a long time ago, and I'm doin' just fine)

 

 

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