Ten Reasons the Mitchell Report Was Good Afterall

Now that Brett Favre has captivated the sports media long enough for us to forget about steroids for the time being, I thought it would be a great idea to re-introduce it to sports fans.  You can thank me later.  I regress...

10. Sylvester Stallone, straight out of Rambo, will be participating in the San Francisco Giants' spring training games. Hey, San Diego Padre fans have to have someone to throw syringes at.

9. Barry Bonds who? Jose Canseco who? Now we’ve got 300+ players knocking on BALCO’s door, sky rocketing tourism in the San Francisco Bay Area.

8. No one is talking about Sammy Sosa and his litany of corked bats anymore. In fact, Sosa is rumored to be starting a winery in the Kansas City, Seattle, and Baltimore areas. Hmm...I wonder why.

7. HGH, oh, excuse me, an injury recovery substance, is all it took for Andy Pettitte to be back in the good graces of New York fans. Evidentially, not enough for him to discuss his slightly illegal new regiment with his best friend and workout buddy.

6. Rusty Hardin has been given a platform to showcase his legal expertise to the world. Following in the steps of good ol’ Johnny Cochrane, and his glove zinger, Hardin opened up with, “He needs to stop smoking his own dope,” referring to Brian McNamee. I bet he would make an entertaining reality show.

5. Marion Jones doesn’t feel so bad about caving into the pressures of performing at unbelievable levels anymore. Wonder if Tim Montgomery ‘just got sucked into the wrong crowd too.’

4. The makers of B12 and lidocaine supplements have seen a considerable jump in stock and have been featured in Edward Jones’ financial report. Chuck Schwab, too.

3. Well, this one isn’t so good: Production of A Game of Shadows has come to a halt. Why read 348 pages about juicing when you can just talk to the nearest teenage clubhouse attendant?

2. I won $10.00 in an office pool because Roger Clemens was caught lying after week two of his investigation.

1. Brian McNamee has opened his own bank. I don’t think anyone is questioning his saving ability after he held on to bloody gauze and used syringes for nearly seven years.