Did you know that May 4 is officially Star Wars Day? Well, I'm not exactly sure how official it really is, but I'm not one to shy away from celebrating fabricated holidays.
Festivus for the Rest of Us, I say!
The holiday derives from the movies' popular phrase "May the Force be with you" which sounds similar to "May the 4th be with you."
What better way for a Hawkeye Nerd to celebrate this tribute holiday than by comparing several popular Iowa Hawkeyes to characters from one of the greatest movies of all time.
Do you think you're ready for this ridiculousness?
R2-D2 is a name of an energetic droid in the Star Wars movies. He would often come through in the clutch to save the rest of the crew from complete and utter disaster.
That sounds like a Wegher Bomb if I've ever heard one.
As a true freshman at Iowa, Brandon Wegher was known for flinging his body into the endzone. He often came through in the clutch for the Hawkeyes, even while injured.
Thankfully he doesn't make beeping noises like the real R2-D2.
"Beep, Beep, Beep."
Chewbacca is the hairy creature from Star Wars who acts as protector of the crew, similar to Riley Reiff and the rest of the Iowa offensive line and their protection of Ricky Stanzi.
Aside from that similarity, they also kinda look alike.
Last year, it was common to hear Hawkeye fans pray, "Help us Norm Parker...you're our only hope!"
Because of his health, Iowa's Defensive Coordinator would have to coach from the press box. In doing so, he acted like Obi Wan to his players and guided them through use of The Force.
"If you strike me down, I shall become more powerful than you could possibly imagine."
Just when you think Han Solo is going to take the money bolt on his friends, leaving them to battle the Empire by themselves, in flies Han Solo to save the day.
Just like Han, Adrian Clayborn passed up a high draft pick to come back and guide the Hawkeyes to a Big Ten Championship. Clayborn might be a bit tougher than Solo, but you get the point.
Another similarity between the two is that they both swoon the ladies; not to mention both have overcome run-ins with authority figures to go on to greatness.
"Uh, we had a slight weapons malfunction, but uh... everything's perfectly all right now. We're fine. We're all fine here now, thank you. How are you?"
Tyler Sash hunts the ball down like Boba Fett hunts down bounties.
Sash has 11 career interceptions for a school record 350 return yards, and he is on pace to break Nile Kinnick's career interception total, should he not decide to leave school early for greener fields in the NFL.
I hate to cast Sash as a bad guy, but let's suspend disbelief on this one.
C-3PO and Iowa's Offensive Coordinator Ken O'Keefe are practically identical twins. Not only do they look alike, but often times O'Keefe's play-calling has resembled what would appear to be C-3PO running from danger on a star destroyer.
"Oh, my. Space travel sounds rather perilous. I can assure you, they will never get me onto one of those dreadful starships."
Watching the Star Wars movies, you really start to wonder if Luke Skywalker is really the savior of the universe. He makes a lot of mistakes and doesn't always see the obvious danger in situations.
Many Hawkeye fans felt the same way watching Ricky Stanzi throw six interceptions for touchdowns last year. But somehow, just like Luke, Stanzi always finds a way to pull it out at the end of the day.
"I am taking Captain Solo and his friends. You can either profit from this or be destroyed. It's your choice, but I warn you not to underestimate my power."
Kirk Ferentz commands his Hawkeye team like Yoda commands the force.
Like Yoda, most people didn't expect much from Ferentz at first glance. Now, they realize he harnesses his knowledge of football for good at Iowa.
"Ready are you? What know you of ready? For eight hundred years have I trained Jedi. My own counsel will I keep on who is to be trained! A Jedi must have the deepest commitment, the most serious mind. This one a long time have I watched. All his life has he looked away... to the future, to the horizon. Never his mind on where he was. Hmm? What he was doing. Hmph. Adventure. Heh. Excitement. Heh. A Jedi craves not these things."
Yeah, I couldn't resist this temptation.
Gary Barta is the University of Iowa's Athletic Director. It seemed fitting to compare him to the main antagonist of the Star Wars movies—Darth Vader.
Wait, does that mean Barta is Stanzi's dad? NO!
“I find your lack of faith disturbing.”