WWE: How It Would Be Run If Captain Charisma Was in Charge
As you may well know, I am a Peep and if you do not know what that is, I sure don't mean the marshmallows, folks.
A Peep is a fan of the greatest wrestler alive today. He is known by various monikers from the most famous of "Captain Charisma" and "The Instant Classic" to lesser known ones such as "Pontiff of the Peepulation," the "Livewire," and just for Andrea Claire..."Sweet Daddy Freak Out." No matter what he is called, he remains the best in the world at what he does.
Although Chris Jericho, a great in his own right, uses that phrase, it is for Christian that it truly applies to...you all know it's true and if you don't know...now you know.
Now, I'm not just any Peep...no, no, no...I am THE Peep. The biggest one you will find and the biggest one there will be. I was a Peep before the phrase existed but enough about moi...
This slideshow will illustrate how awesome WWE would be if I was in charge and rest assured to all the members of the PEEPULATION, you will truly rejoice at my decisions.
So enjoy folks, and remember, if you ain't a Peep... you ain't right in the head.
Anyone that was against Christian would be fired on the spot. Period.
If there were any Edgeheads in the backroom staff, they would be taken to a high-security facility in parts unknown and cured of their disease. They would come out as better people in that they have renounced Edge and accepted Christian as the true savior.
They would then be rehired into the WWE, showing how caring and compassionate the new owner of the WWE is.
The PPV Roster
There will be major changes in the Pay-Per-View roster. Here are few of the PPV's you can expect and I have to say it is a big improvement from previous years.
*Royal Peep—Instead of the winner of the Royal Rumble getting a chance to main event Wrestlemania, they will get a much bigger prize, the chance to have dinner with Christian.
*Peepulation Chamber—Six men will enter the hideous structure and risk their very careers, but only one will emerge and have the chance of a lifetime, being able to bask in the glory of Christian by becoming his servant. Many people will try, but there will be only one lucky person left to capture this elusive prize.
*Charismania—The biggest show of the year, the culmination of a year-long oddessy for the WWE Superstars and the chance to be etched into the hallow halls of the WWE.
Feuds will end, but throughout the night homage will be paid to the greatest of all; the victor of each match will, at the end of the night, be part of the illustrious group that will hoist up the undisputed champion of champions, Christian, on their shoulders and give him a lap of honor he duly deserves.
*Christian Rules—A night where each superstar will come out and perform in honor of Christian, who himself will be perched on a golden throne. At the end of the night, the whole WWE roster will line-up like a hallway and Captain Charisma will walk through them, step in the ring and salute his ever-growing number of Peeps.
Some others that are in the pipeline are Night of Christian, TIC: The Instant Classic and SweetSummerFreakOut.
Name Changes to WWE Shows
Monday Night Raw will now be known as "Monday Night Peep Show."
WWE NXT will be known as "WWE TIC" with TIC an acronym for The Instant Classic.
WWE Smackdown will be changed to "WWE SweetDaddyFreakOut" in homage of the high school name of Christian back when he was young.
WWE Afterburn and Bottomline will highlight the weekly events of Christian in the WWE and show the thoughts of other superstars on Christian.
WWE Vintage Collection will showcase Christian matches and Christian matches only.
Vince McMahon Apologizes to the Peeps
Before Vince McMahon leaves the WWE forever, he has one final task.
On the inaugural edition, the Monday Night Peep Show, McMahon will open the show by coming out dressed in a Captain Charisma superhero suit.
He will then apologize for all his mistreatment of Christian throughout the years, announce that he was wrong to let him go, and that Christian is like the son-in-law he wished he had. At that point, Triple H will come out dressed as a Peep (you know the marshmallow) and proceed to rap the classic raps of Christian.
Christian will then come out to the loudest ovation ever, so loud that people from Australia would be woken up from their sleep and proceed to have their daily breakfast of beer.
Stone Cold Steve Austin and Sandman will also be joining in with the beerfest. He will then kick McMahon and Triple H out of the WWE declaring, "I care more about my doormat than I do about you Vince" and then saying to HHH...
"Don't hit your nose on the way out."
The fans rejoice and chant the name of their Pontiff.
Christian Becomes Champion of Champions
In the main event of the inaugural edition of the Monday Night Peep Show, Christian will face the all champions bar, the Women Champions, in a winner take-all gauntlet match.
In an epic effort by Captain Charisma, he defeats all champions in mere seconds with them all falling to the most devastating finisher in all of WWE in the Killswitch apart from SuperCena, which required underhand tactics by the part of Christian through the use of Kryponite.
A thunderous ovation rings through the stadium as Christian is declared the Unified Tag Team Intercontinental United States WWE and World Heavyweight Champion of the world.
Edge and Christian Reunite
As an emotional Christian is saluting his Peeps, out comes Edge to celebrate with his lifelong friend and brother.
They embrace in the ring with a manly hug and Edge gets the microphone and says, "I always knew that you were better than me Christian and now you have proven it. I was honoured to have the honour of being in your shadow for all these years but now your shadow is too much of a prize for me to taint it with my undeserving presence.
"People, here is the true greatest wrestler of all time. You all know it apart from one person. To that one person I have this to say, 'Stop sending me mail after mail, photo after photo and underwear after underwear and accept Christian as your true savior. I have...now is the time to let go...Ms. Claire.'"
As a token of his thanks, Christian gives Edge one half of the Unified Tag Team Championship and at that point, Edge breaks down in tears. He has finally achieved the dream to become the lackey of Christian once more.
The Age of Charisma Is Upon Us
The WWE was ushered into a new era that surpassed the popularity and profitability of the Attitude Era.
This era was known as the Age of Charisma.
Christian became the face of WWE and due to his ever-growing number of Peeps, became the President of the United States.
His first order of business was to rename the country to the United States of Peeps and to appoint yours truly, Captain Charisma, as Vice President.
The world was brought forth into a new age of prosperity, with the beacon of charisma known as Christian leading the way.
As you may well have guessed, this was all tongue in cheek but honestly...
How much better would everything be if this indeed became the case?