As the clock ticks down to the beginning of the show at Radio City Music Hall, many among us are wondering why we are even going through the farce of a red carpet and a primetime show for the NFL Draft.
After all, there's only one question that the nation needs answered: What is Tim Tebow doing right now?
The Gators quarterback has decided to stay home with his family and friends in Jacksonville to watch the draft.
The NFL Network has the right idea. They're putting a camera on him throughout the day. Someone will get smart soon enough and start a Tebow Voyeurs' website. Full-on paparazzi treatment and 24/7 access to all things Tebow for just $24.95 per month.
We jest. The truth is there are a myriad of questions that will finally be answered over the next 24 to 48 hours about the future of everybody's favorite squeaky clean All-American arm.
Let's try to get some answers to those pressing concerns.
Could you imagine if Tebow's name was called and he actually was in the building?
This could be like Brittney and Madonna at the MTV Music Awards meets Wrestlemania.
The lights go dim, the pyrotechnics kick in all around the stage and a big neon "TEBOW!" drops down from the ceiling as Tebow emerges from behind the curtain.
Hey, they are rolling out a red carpet tonight with Jillian Michaels and some other C-list celebrities. It could happen.
If it does, Tebow will come out in the classic double-breasted gray with pinstripes like you see here. Trust me, I mulled this over for hours. I want to see him in the vest get-up to show off the gun show. This is more corporate.
Word has it that Brooks Brothers, Gucci and the Men's Wearhouse "You're gonna like the way you look...I guarantee it" guy were all bidding to provide the suit.
In the end, Tebow weaved his own suit.
Yes, he will.
There's just too much talent and marketing upside NOT to give him a chance.
Injuries happen. Plus, look at what he was able to do with his delivery in four weeks? All joking aside about the hype, there is no denying that this guy is a hard worker.
It may even happen this year if he gets drafted by a bad team or a good team whose season breaks bad.
It's shocking that there's not more prop bets on this. If we're willing to bet on how many times Archie Manning is shown during the Super Bowl, surely we'd go here.
My over-under is at 14. One huge thing that we tend to forgive Tebow for is that he talks in one long five-minute run-on sentence (because, of course, Tim Tebow never runs out of air).
Unless he's undergone the same kind of media training that he undertook for his ball delivery, you can take this to the bank.
My favorite story from the months of Tebow hype was from the combine.
Tebow tried to get his fellow combine players to bow their heads in prayer after a meeting when a player yelled out, "Shut the f*** up!"
The holy roller thing worked for Kurt Warner, but we didn't hear a ton of it until he was an established star. Then again, with Big Ben's last few months, it might be a welcome change of pace.
And I don't believe that Tebow doesn't have a wild side. There's been too many shots of Timmy with the ladies on the Web to think he's totally squeaky clean. And if there's one thing that NFL players can bond over, it's a shapely shortly.
The riots would start in Gainesville and spread nationwide.
The pro-life pundits would immediately pop up on CNN, MSNBC and FOX saying that there's been a conspiracy in play ever since his Super Bowl ad.
Strip away all the hype and the hardcore scouts will tell you that Tebow is still a third-round talent. Todd McShay never got bludgeoned for sticking to that concept for weeks. He finally gave in to prolong his life.
The networks would love this. It keeps their biggest story in play—and ratings intact—through Friday night. The team that gets him with that pick would be saving a boatload of money and getting an angry Tebow.
And if we learned anything from "The Pledge," it's that you don't want an angry Tebow.
The NFL has kicked in money for other national natural catastrophes. Surely, they'd throw $5 million to Gainesville and other towns for the post-riot cleanup.
Yes. The entire family will. Nigh, his entire entourage will.
You can never pass up an opportunity to spread the word, my friends.
Tebow comes from a well-off family. His parents are smart (if you excuse Bob Tebow's assertion that Timmy Terrific would be a top 15 pick).
Something tells me they gobbled up a factory that produces these plastic eye strips during one of those Third World missionary trips. Now they're making millions off the trend that their boy started.
There's a rumor (mostly started by me) that Jacksonville hospitals are lining up babies for the chance for this golden photo op.
Seriously, the guy has performed circumcisions. He did it first during a 2008 missionary trip.
If I'm a linebacker with a clean shot, I'm thinking twice before I lay out a guy with that steady of a hand with a surgeon's knife.
Tebow fans, be happy with the hardware you have already.
I strongly believe Tim Tebow will be in the NFL for the next 10 years. I think he'll be a better NFL quarterback than Colt McCoy. But that's where the love ends.
Tebow could be in Canton as the greatest college football athlete of all time. But when we're talking pros, he'll have to buy a ticket to get in to that wing.
Unlikely, unless Florida governor Charlie Crist gets his way (he's pictured with Tebow here).
Wayne Weaver appears to be going out of his way NOT to sell tickets in Jacksonville. It would make too much sense and he wouldn't get to move to L.A. The marketing dollars and the throngs of followers flocking to Jacksonville to see Tebow's first snap would be a cash cow. Not to mention that he would be a great insurance policy for David Garrard.
As for Miami, the need isn't there in the first four rounds. Fins QB coach David Lee saw Tebow up close and personal coaching him at the Senior Bowl. And Tebow does share an agent with Dolphins head coach Tony Sparano. Still, I don't see Bill Parcells jumping into this fray.
This is why fantasy owners rarely get hired as NFL GMs.
We've all been sucked in to the run—the numb skull in the room takes the Ravens defense in the late first round and soon enough, you're throwing aside logic and getting sucked into the team defense run.
We all seem to think that this Tim Tebow hype is going to lead to that run of GMs with their finger on the trigger. It won't.
Tim Tebow will be taken at pick No. 47 by the New England Patriots. There's too much talent in this draft to be dragged into this vortex.