Oh, what bliss the digital generation has bestowed upon us: Facebook, Twitter, MySpace, YouTube—all fine social networking tools that enable people from all over the world to communicate with one another instantaneously.
Prior to their arrival, some of life's most unforgettable moments regrettably came with an expiration date. Unless captured on amateur video or film, these moments resided in nothing more than the deepest recesses of our memories.
As does life, so too does college football provide us with a seemingly infinite number of emotions. From pain and anguish to sheer joy and overwhelming fulfillment, the game strikes a chord within all us in a multitude of ways.
But, what about humor? Seldom are college football fans subdued enough on Saturdays to get a really good laugh out of some of the lighter-hearted things that take place off the field.
Thanks to the wonder that is YouTube, here are 10 of the best that I could scrounge up.
All images provided by Getty Images
Pay no attention to the photo. Instead, I would appreciate if you would scroll to the bottom to take in the enthusiasm that defines what it means to be a male supporter of Texas Tech football.
I wholeheartedly salute this young man for his passion, which is evident by the gleam in his eye and the ear-to-ear grin, both of which indicate that he may or may not own a windowless van insulated with shag carpet and adorned with black lights and stars that glow in the dark.
But here's my main concern: At what point does this fellow cross over from innocent second-hand Tech mascot to an all-too-creepy version of Weird Al Yankovic?
My guess is around the third or fourth stroke. I must say, this wouldn't be nearly as funny if he didn't have long hair.
On a show that is wildly popular among the seldom offended 18-to-45 male demographic, I assume there's little pressure to be politically correct.
In the case of Lee Corso, not even the occasional eighth-grade sexual euphemism is taboo.
An esteemed veteran of ESPN's "College Gameday," Corso, who doubles as a former college football head coach, is as knowledgeable as anyone. But the older he becomes, the more questionable his tactics to convey that knowledge tend to be.
So, perhaps it should have come as little to no surprise that Corso used a rather peculiar metaphor to accurately describe the Arkansas Razorbacks' second-half collapse at top-ranked Florida last October.
The following week, as the CG crew was running over its weekly picks, Corso let fly, claiming Arkansas "shot their wad" in The Swamp and was thus due for another letdown that day at Ole Miss.
To Corso's credit, the Razorbacks did fall to the Rebels. However, they did so without releasing any type of bodily fluids.
Far be it from former Texas Tech head coach Mike Leach to be anything but subtle, but Christ.
Moments after his team allowed 559 yards in a lopsided 22-point loss at home to Texas A&M last season, Leach, like any good leader, placed the onus on himself, as well as his coaching staff.
But he wasn't done. In the same breath, Leach lamented that the motivational methods of he and his staff were not up to snuff with those of his players' "fat little girlfriends."
According to Leach, the pudgy apples of his players' eyes are much more effective at flipping that "on" switch, but only because they are willing to tell his players exactly what they want to hear.
Or it could just be the whole Vagina Factor and possibility of sex. Just a hunch.
It's been nearly five years since Jenn Sterger was introduced to the salivating male population.
On Sept. 5, 2005, representing one-third of the since-disbanded FSU Cowgirl brigade, Sterger was siting in the front row of Doak Campbell Stadium when an ABC camera opportunistically beamed us all a glimpse of those beautiful eyes, that bright smile, and the under-appreciated work of her cosmetic surgeon.
But the sight of Jenn alone was not enough, for what ultimately sealed the deal was a one-liner from broadcaster Brent Musburger, who exclaimed that the sight of Sterger in her Seminole-inspired bikini top and mini skirt caused an immediate uptick in Florida State's male enrollment.
"Fifteen hundred red-blooded Americans just decided to apply to Florida State," Musburger said.
Notice Musburger said "Americans," which indicates the possibility that Sterger's ABC debut may have persuaded a considerable amount of hardcore lesbians and sexually diverse teenage women to become Seminoles.
FSN sideline reporter Jim Knox is as good as they get. He's energetic, above no assignment, and possesses a kindred relationship with each and every student body he encounters.
But "Knoxie" as we know him nearly ceased to exist one fall afternoon in 2007 when, while doing a special report prior to a matchup between the Kansas State Wildcats and Missouri Tigers from Manhattan, the loquacious and exuberant Knox descended a good five feet and onto a brittle fraternity-style couch supported by the willing limbs of a number of KSU fans.
As Knox flawlessly delivered a tease to take the audience into commercial minutes before kickoff, the couch began to sway backward, and before anyone could react, its human support system gave way, sending Knox head over heels and his spine to meet the unforgiving ground below.
Laughter ensued, as evidenced by some fans actually toasting a drink to Knox's misfortune. But, in the end, the reporter survived with only minor injuries to show for his tumble.
It's one of those moments that will live forever, if only for those fans who got an fantastic memory out of the Big 12's otherwise crappy television contract with FSN.
But the best part of this video is how awesome it was that Knox, as his head, spinal cord, and pelvis were losing a war against gravity, still had the presence of mind to tell us that the game we were about to watch was being broadcast in high definition.
The moment has been well-documented: Former Florida quarterback Tim Tebow and Gators head coach Urban Meyer performing some sort of knockoff Eskimo kiss in the waning moments of a victory at LSU last October.
From what I can gather, Tebow did all the talking. Meanwhile, Meyer, who apparently turned to three-fourths putty in the hands of his quarterback, could do nothing more than attempt to stick his entire head in-between the bars of Tebow's facemask.
The result: A special nuzzle between one of history's best college athletes and currently one of the best coaches in the game.
Not to mention YouTube infamy for life.
There's your healthy dose of fandom. And then there's this guy, who stands alone for his unbridled passion, which includes the intricacies of body painting, the perils of rubbing Bulldog Nation the wrong way, and, of course, denouncing the use of a visor as a hip fashion statement.
A couple things to note regarding this video. One, the combination of this kid's red hair and glasses, both of which mesh awesomely with his choice of body art, is crucial. Without it, this video is just more face time for some douche in the front row.
Two, his use of metaphor could use some work. Or maybe some premeditation. To say that "a white base coat" compares to the tackling ability of your team's best linebacker will get you your ass kicked in most parts of the country.
Lastly, you can't help but love the fact he suddenly changes his speaking tone, going from his familiar mixture of Satan and Macho Man Randy Savage to a polite gentleman as soon as the reporter wraps up the interview.
Well done, my friend.
You knew it was coming. It was only a matter of time.
Without further ado, here's "I'm a Man, I'm 40!" in its glorious entirety.
If you take his physical stature at face value, he'll destroy you. And if you happen to be the Houston Cougar, well, he'll make sure your family pays just as much.
He (or perhaps she) is the Oregon Duck, a woodland creature that is harmless only in appearance. Take the following masterpiece as Exhibit A.
Said Houston Cougar mocks an Oregon touchdown celebration, which triggers what will forever be the best showdown between two mascots in the history of sports.
Caught on camera by the Associated Press, the fracas starts off with some light slapping, but it soon escalates to include the Duck giving the Cougar an seemingly unwarranted kick to the gut during the celebration of a Houston score — at which time the Duck unloads with a Hulk Hogan-like elbow drop before fleeing.
But the climax occurs at the same spot where the incident originated: on the sideline. Clearly in a state of rage at this point, the Duck decides to unleash his full arsenal upon the helpless Cougar, beginning with a series of hard rights.
Next comes the taunting. With the Cougar defeated, the Duck flashes the international gesture for "What's up now?" several times before ending his assault with an obligatory DX "Suck It" crotch-to-the-face maneuver.
For good measure, he exits while "brushing" off his shoulder to the thunderous applause of the appreciative Autzen Stadium crowd.
Less than a week later, the Oregon student was suspended for one game, a sentence well worth the memory he so generously provided all of us.
Having spent some time on a live television broadcast crew, I am well aware of the antics that can take place while the audience is taking in Viagra advertisements or taking a bathroom break.
So, it is with that in mind that I thank ESPN for giving us the prime example of what the viewing audience doesn't get a chance to see on a regular basis. And it all takes place at the expense of some poor Clemson fan.
It's the second week of the 2009 college football season, and Clemson has narrowly missed pulling off an epic comeback win on the road at Georgia Tech, losing 30-27 on a field goal in the final minute.
It's around that time that I presume the Clemson sadness set in and the ESPN cameras began seeking out the pain and suffering.
But the cameraman was not working alone. As soon as he composed a great shot of one particularly distraught Tiger fan to give the people at home a bit of entertainment upon returning from commercial, broadcasters Chris Fowler, Jesse Palmer, and Craig James joined in.
With the broadcast still in a commercial break, the trio capitalized on its freedom of speech and proceeded to make a comedy of the man's obvious obsession with Clemson football, with Fowler even predicting that a YouTube sensation was forthcoming.
And when the men weren't affixed on said fan, they were acknowledging his buddy, who seemed more interested in texting, or "Twittering," as Palmer suggests.
But the best part happens around the 2:05 mark. As the seconds tick down before the broadcast resumes, Fowler and Palmer debate making fun of the fan, whose meltdown has since been recorded for America to behold.
With the broadcast now live, the mood suddenly takes a turn from humor to mourning, as Fowler breaks out the 'ol "college football means so much" line but then can hardly contain his smile while the other two break down Clemson's epic fail.