Peyton Manning's Knee Surgery: 10 Things Bound To Happen

Senior Writer Written on July 15, 2008

If you’re in Ohio, fear not. That sound to the west of you is merely the state of Indiana. Hyperventilating.

They’re doing so because three seemingly unrelated pieces of information have converged to create a variety of strange possibilities.

Here's what we know: Peyton Manning had surgery to remove an infected bursa sac from his left knee. The Colts have said it was a routine procedure and that Manning should be back in four to six weeks.

We also know that Marvin Harrison had a bursa sac issue that effectively ended his season last year. The injuries are different, but the Colts are saying the same things they did a year ago. Which should make Colts and Pats fans piddle themselves. Colts fans out of fear, Pats fans out of sheer jubilation.

Oh...and Jim Sorgi is the Colts' backup QB.

With that in mind, I now present 10 things that will happen as a result of Peyton's knee surgery.

10. The State of Indiana will run out of paper sacks...you know, due to all the hyperventilating.

9. Hoosiers (including this one) will quickly learn how to read a calendar and count to either four and/or six.

8. Church attendance in the state will likely increase by at least 75 percent over the next month or so.

7. Brett Favre will now have 11 potential destinations (seriously, folks, are there really 10 to begin with?).

6. An unnamed B/R humor writer will likely overreact to the situation and write an article about it.

5. It should get a whole lot easier to find out what's in "Manning's Mind."

4. MasterCard's stock will plummet—however, the general public will be glad to know that "Peyton's Moments" ads will be pulled.

3. The Double Stuf Racing League will, unfortunately, fold.

2. Colts' owner Jim Irsay, new stadium sponsor Lucas Oil, and the city of Indianapolis will all swallow one giant mozza ball.

1. Tony Dungy will pen the inspirational bestseller: My Bursa, My Friend.

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written on July 15, 2008 Humor