If you’re in Ohio, fear not. That sound to the west of you is merely the state of Indiana. Hyperventilating.
They’re doing so because three seemingly unrelated pieces of information have converged to create a variety of strange possibilities.
Here's what we know: Peyton Manning had surgery to remove an infected bursa sac from his left knee. The Colts have said it was a routine procedure and that Manning should be back in four to six weeks.
We also know that Marvin Harrison had a bursa sac issue that effectively ended his season last year. The injuries are different, but the Colts are saying the same things they did a year ago. Which should make Colts and Pats fans piddle themselves. Colts fans out of fear, Pats fans out of sheer jubilation.
Oh...and Jim Sorgi is the Colts' backup QB.
With that in mind, I now present 10 things that will happen as a result of Peyton's knee surgery.
10. The State of Indiana will run out of paper sacks...you know, due to all the hyperventilating.
9. Hoosiers (including this one) will quickly learn how to read a calendar and count to either four and/or six.
8. Church attendance in the state will likely increase by at least 75 percent over the next month or so.
7. Brett Favre will now have 11 potential destinations (seriously, folks, are there really 10 to begin with?).
6. An unnamed B/R humor writer will likely overreact to the situation and write an article about it.
5. It should get a whole lot easier to find out what's in "Manning's Mind."
4. MasterCard's stock will plummet—however, the general public will be glad to know that "Peyton's Moments" ads will be pulled.
3. The Double Stuf Racing League will, unfortunately, fold.
2. Colts' owner Jim Irsay, new stadium sponsor Lucas Oil, and the city of Indianapolis will all swallow one giant mozza ball.
1. Tony Dungy will pen the inspirational bestseller: My Bursa, My Friend.
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2 months ago
Ok, he's not missing any regular season games and that's what is important. A guy of Manning's status doesn't need training camp.
Marvin Harrison being out last year really isn't a good point because the Colt's offense didn't miss a beat last year without him. Wayne, Gonzalez, and Clark are a great trio.
The list was good though. I liked it.
from 2 months ago
Thanks Michael. Glad you liked it. Just trying to squeeze a humor piece out of routine surgery.
2 months ago
You should have said that the DSRL will crumble, you know, like a cookie.
from 2 months ago
Slam dunk, Joe! Dunk...hmm...milk...
from 2 months ago
That joke was filling...like the filling in an OREO...now I'm stretching it.
from 2 months ago
I'm still needing some milk. I'm a dunker...
2 months ago
Hilarious! Loved number eight and nine.
Excellent work!
from 2 months ago
Thanks Andrew. Just for the record, No. 9 was my fave.
2 months ago
11) Eli will become the Manning of record.
from 2 months ago
Eli will be heartbroken by the DSRL's collapse.
2 months ago
Good work! No. 9 resonates with me!
from 2 months ago
I'm up to three. Stuck on three...
2 months ago
If #3 refers to the cookies, then I will worry about that. Cute article, and as an RN I know a lot of folks don't find surgery funny.
from 2 months ago
I had a total ACL reconstruction...not fun at all. Rehab was awful.
By the way I was referring to No. 9 and that I was finally counting to three.
Wow, I've totally de-railed.
2 months ago
Greg, great list. It is good to see you writing on a more consistant basis again. I thought for sure that a MMA fighter had gotten to you.
from 2 months ago
I still live in fear BigReg. I still live in fear...
2 months ago
good list, you know, if you're into reading about 6'5" 230 pound quarterbacks with a rocket laser arm.
from 2 months ago
I signed a loaf of bread for him but he made me make it out to Eli. It was weird...
2 months ago
Good read and very funny. I think Manning will be fine though.
from 2 months ago
In all likelihood, you're right, Tyler.
2 months ago
I took Manning's surgeon in the 43rd round of my fantasy football draft. Just in case.
(Great piece. Another Adams classic.)
from 2 months ago
Great, you end up with Manning's surgeon, I end up with a guy who's being investigated by the state medical board for "holding on too long after the cough" during physicals.
2 months ago
See what a six hour re-charge does to a "funny generator". Vroom-Vroom with the holding on too long comment.
2 months ago
I was about to flag the loaf of bread comment as offensive.
from 2 months ago
That would have been the greatest flag ever!
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