FOX’s coverage of the 2008 MLB All-Star Game began with a parade.
And then proceeded to amble along like one.
In a pregame ceremony that seemingly had everything sans Ted Williams’ frozen head, FOX and MLB trotted out an overblown, ‘roided-out version of pregame fun that could have lasted into the next millennium, had cooler heads not prevailed.
“I was actually getting tired of announcing every player to lace up a pair of cleats in the 20th Century,” Joe Buck quipped as he popped the top of his favorite chilled beverage.
“It was like a marathon, only Joe had to run his mouth for hours on end,” a depleted Tim McCarver mused.
With things working like, um, sundial-work, Sheryl Crow began her campfiry version of the "Star-Spangled Banner" at approximately 8:30.
In the morning.
Wednesday, July 16.
“I guess we got a little carried away. George Mitchell was so good at getting most of his investigation written off that we were flush with a little extra cash. The only thing I regret is that we couldn’t have made it even longer. Although we did manage to dig up Hank Steinbrenner’s daddy to throw out the first pitch…” a wistful Bud Selig said.
Texas Ranger slugger Josh Hamilton found it difficult to keep loose.
“I was already a little sore after smacking 28 homers in one round of the Home Run Derby, only to still lose to a guy who hit fewer homers than I did overall. But that pregame ceremony...holy cow, as Phil Rizzuto used to say. I stretched at 7:45 p.m., 11 p.m., 2:30 a.m. and for the last time at 4 a.m. Then I went to sleep. They were just then getting around to the highlights from the 1955 World Series. I didn’t need to see that.”
Cincinnati Reds ace Edinson Volquez was waiting in the wings as a potential last-hour starter, as NL starter Ben Sheets had already thrown three simulated games prior to his first pitch.
Volquez spoke to the press, but with no one there to translate, let’s just say it was difficult to get a good quote.
Here’s a sampling of just how long the pregame went on:
Yogi Berra managed to string together two fairly coherent sentences.
AL Manager Terry Francona shaved his head. Twice.
Tim McCarver applied Just for Men to his hair. Twice.
Kevin Youkilis trimmed his goatee. Twice.
Ken Griffey Jr. announced his retirement from baseball, recanted his desire to retire, retired again, came back to baseball again—stating he had an “itch” to play baseball—asked for his unconditional release from the Cincinnati Reds, demanded a trade and finally decided he’d like to stay in Cincinnati—but only if he could start in right.
The author’s eight-month old son, though barely crawling at the beginning of the festivities, learned to walk and made Daddy a milkshake three minutes before Cliff Lee’s 147th pitch of the night—the first official pitch of the game.
Justin Goar managed to tear himself away from NCAA 09 long enough to write a college football article.
Yankee Stadium went from smelling like one big public toilet to about 30.
And finally, A-Rod left Madonna for Cher and eventually Patti LaBelle.
Now if you don’t mind, I’m going to start some bacon and eggs and enjoy the rest of the game. Go National League!
Which is quickly becoming the Senior Citizen Circuit, by the way.
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2 months ago
Funny stuff, Greg! I ate dinner during the ceremonies, and I love to eat long dinners! =]
from 2 months ago
YOU ATE A SEVEN-COURSE MEAL?!?!?!
Glad you like it Ben. Actually, the game's been fun to watch and has moved pretty quickly. And the NL's up 2-0, so you gotta like that.
from 2 months ago
Yeah, I'm liking the score right about now. Pujols is 2-3, too, so that's good to see.
2 months ago
I refused to turn on the television until the seventh inning. It's still on, but I'm not really watching.
from 2 months ago
I had to do SOMETHING after Seinfeld ended! It was just white noise while I dinked around on B/R all night. Put the kids down early. Come to think of it, maybe the pregame did!
from 2 months ago
It's been a truly amazing game man!
from 2 months ago
No doubt. I have to get up at 5 a.m. but I can't stop watching it. It's like an eclipse...or a Chris Farley movie...
from 2 months ago
15th now. This is crazy. While I do not support the fact that home field advantage hinges on this game it is still very fun to watch these great players face great pitchers.
from 2 months ago
The homefield advantage thing still irks me. I was afraid they were going to have to call on Steve Carlton or Rollie Fingers if it had kept on going.
from 2 months ago
Or have Bud Selig come out and pitch the 18th.
2 months ago
FOX just showed Bud Selig--he looks like he'd like to call it a tie.
And we're only in the 13th. Of course it really is Wednesday morning EDT.
2 months ago
Great article. But yikes, this thing just keeps on going. Can you believe there are empty seats out there in Yankee Stadium? Who would leave this thing!?
from 2 months ago
I know! Whoever is leaving this obviously didn't deserve to be there in the first place!! Ugh, I'm jealous!
from 2 months ago
I "left" in the top of the 14th. It would have been nice to have that extra 6 hours or so...
2 months ago
Dare I say we could see a position player pitching before this one is over?
from 2 months ago
Where's Jose Canseco when you REALLY need him...
2 months ago
"...“I was already a little sore after smacking 28 homers in one round of the Home Run Derby, only to still lose to a guy who hit fewer homers than I did overall. But that pregame ceremony...holy cow, as Phil Rizzuto used to say. I stretched at 7:45 p.m., 11 p.m., 2:30 a.m. and for the last time at 4 a.m. Then I went to sleep. They were just then getting around to the highlights from the 1955 World Series. I didn’t need to see that...”
Greg, I think a more veracious depiction of Josh's comments, would've went something like this, "I stretched at 7:45 p.m., then lit up, stretched at 11 p.m., then lit up, didn't stretch at 2:30 a.m. but still lit up, and then lit up for the last time at 4 a.m., after which I put my stash of black-tar away, then I went to sleep."
hahahaha
I should've known that someone on this site would find a way to give credit to this *Caucasoid pipe smoker* even if not a full-blown article. Too bad he's not a black player, then after hitting 28 homers AND LOSING THE HOME-RUN DERBY, all we'd here is how he is still a drug-abusing thug.
nice hypocrisy-job Greg...
Etched in stone, of course, by your mockery of Ken Griffey Jr., a man who just passed a galactic milestone in hitting 600 homeruns ---despite going through injury phases--- that would've sent the avg. non-pitcher, Caucasoid into retirement, long ago. It's good to see you found a way to celebrate the challenges he's had to overcome, so far, on his way to passing up Bonds eventually/hopefully. Oh wait! Thats right! You didn't find a way to honor Griff-Jr. You simply, chose to keep your *peculiar-posting-pattern* very consistent with the 'xenophobic' culture here at bleacherreport.com
from 2 months ago
Hey buddy, I'm a Reds fan and a Jr. fan...that's not a knock on Jr.--I was poking fun at the whole Brett Favre "retirement" situation. It's a total parody. Simmer down.
As for Hamilton, I'm not going to take jabs at a guy who's gone through treatment for a drug addiction. Treatment's tough and he was on some seriously hard stuff. Nonetheless, I don't care what color you are, 28 bombs in one round is simply an awesome feat. I've actually counseled drug addicts (not just white folks, mind you) and they have a tough road. Even moreso when they lead a public life.
That said, if a guy likes to toke, I'll probably make a joke. But hard drugs--they ruin your life.
Listen, I write humor. I'm not here to be venoumous. I just try to get a few laughs. If you want super mean, you'll have to write it yourself.
2 months ago
Was I the only one who heard a FOX broadcaster say this during the homerun derby as Hamilton was hitting em out "Who needs steroids?"
wow
from 2 months ago
FOX or ESPN...whatever the case, I didn't hear it but if it was said, you're right...wow...
from 2 months ago
I heard that statement uttered during the Derby yes, it was not just you, and it was ESPN.
from 2 months ago
Well it's good to know that the on-air talent at ESPN is sensitive to the issue...
2 months ago
great stuff greg!! loved it
2 months ago
"Who needs Steroids" wasn't even the best quote of the Home Run Derby. My favorite was Chris Berman saying this.
"Just like the Christians and the lions, the Yankees have continued to take care of the Rays, until this year!!"
WHAT!! WOW! I actually had to rewind it like 3 or 4 times just to make sure that is what he said.
PS. I was so glad that I had DVR'd the game last night. I started watching the game late and was able to fast forward the whole pregame crap.
from 2 months ago
DVR...DOH! Sometimes I forget I have it. Good call, BigReg.
2 months ago
yeah what was i thinking, it was espn that had the derby, sorry guys
from 2 months ago
No problem, Kyle. No apology necessary. You picked out the right quote!
2 months ago
kyle,
In Josh Hamilton case, I agree...who needs steroids ----when you've got heroin/smoking aparatus/and a lighter!
from 2 months ago
Wow, you've de-railed.
2 months ago
J. Michael,
Is that a subliminal why of saying, "I did not tell a lie?"
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