Greatest Live College Mascots

Let me first state that this will probably be a very controversial list, but one that will be most accurate, truthful and genuine. I’ve seen a lot of lists ranking the best live college mascots.

I am tired of seeing the same ones on every list. I’m taking it a step further. I am looking for uniqueness. So, I will be excluding some popular live animals to this list.

My intention is not to knock any traditions associated with the excluded mascots. I can’t knock tradition. This is just a method of rating some really cool live mascots I see on Saturdays. So, I’ll start with the exclusions.

I’m tired of seeing common canines make the list. I don’t need to see a Lassie knock-off or a bunch of old tired bulldogs. No mascot that I can readily see at a dog park needs to be on this list. It’s entirely too boring and common. Plus, if I want to see a cool dog, I can look next to me on the couch. Call me when Alex, the dog from the old Stroh’s beer commercials, becomes a mascot.

Birds of any kind are straight out. If I wanted to see a bird clinch onto someone’s forearm and fly around a venue, I’d go to Medieval Times. Now, I will say that if a real live Phoenix were to come into existence, I’d be into seeing that— with the fire and all.

No humans. Let’s get a little more original than college kids parading around in a collage of dollar store costume paraphernalia. No Daniel Boone, Indian Chief or any Trojan. Rebels, Mountaineers, Leprechauns and Raiders of any color are also out. I’d rather see a naked guy streak the field or a fat, topless guy dancing in the stands. Scratch that last part.

So, without further adieu…your top 10 Live College Mascots.

South Carolina

Sir Big Spur. I know. It’s a freaking chicken. There’s just something a little funny (and redneck-like and third world country-like) about having a rooster with "Sir" in it's name walk around. I certainly would not want to provoke it as it may have been a cock fight rescue. Did this rooster get knighted by the Queen?

Northeastern

King Husky. I did say no dogs. But, I think it’s more wolf-like. Wolves are just cool and they can pull sleds. Stare into its blue eyes!

Army

Three Mules. They aren’t intimidating, they can’t hold a gait and they have an "A" branded on their ass (Wait. Does an ass have an ass or is it a donkey bottom or mule rear? I'm confused.). But there are three of them and they have military history for their usage. You can’t beat it.

Northern Alabama

Leo and Ulna. Technically these lions aren’t even at the games, but still pretty cool mascots that get to hang out in a multi-million dollar habitat. They would probably eat the student mascot in Lion’s costume parading up and down the sideline.

Texas

Bevo. I know I’ll get some flack on this one. Yes, I could see it in a pasture. But, it’s big, horny and constantly chews its cud. It looks like it just doesn't give a hoot about anything. I like saying “Bevo.” I keep waiting to catch it speaking when it thinks no one is looking just like the Far Side cartoon.

Colorado

Ralphie the Buffalo. You can’t go wrong with running a live, wild buffalo over 100 yards with just a few kids holding onto it with some straps. Throw in some rodeo clowns doing some flips, shooting streamers in the air and we’ve got a party.

North Carolina and Colorado State

Rameses and Cam. They share a ram as a mascot. They have the curly horns and the weird eyes. You just don’t see them that often unless you happen to be in a river gorge. How do they get on the teeniest, tiniest of ledges a hundred feet in the air with hooves? Even more amazing may be the size of the testicles. I don’t know whether to clap or feel sorry for them.

LSU and Memphis

Mike the Tiger and Tom. This one could be construed as ordinary and mundane, but look at him! This is a picture and I just pooped my pants! I don’t know if there is anything more intimidating. The color, the stripes, the physique, the teeth and the eyes! When you make eye contact, you feel as though you could be dinner.

Arkansas

Tusk. They have to sedate it AND put in a cage. This giant hog is something you can’t see on a farm, because farmers have to shoot it to keep from wrecking havoc. Plus there is something cool about having a pig as a mascot other than for a barbecue restaurant. See North Carolina and Colorado State regarding testicles.

Baylor

Jane the Bear. If you saw it outside of her cage, you’d run the other way or play dead - I can't remember what the proper way to thwart a bear attack is. Maybe I should watch Semi-Pro again. This thing is big, beautiful and intimidating. Does it hibernate during football season or is that the football team? I guess a sleeping bear isn’t that intimidating.