Steelers Trade Holmes After Using Hot Tub Time Machine

Chad LakkisContributor IApril 12, 2010

I would have had this article up sooner but it took a little time to Photosh...errr track down the visual proof.

Many of us are already aware of the fact that the Pittsburgh Steelers organization traded away wide receiver and former first round pick Santonio Holmes to the New York Jets for a fifth round selection in this years NFL draft, but what eluded even the biggest NFL insiders was the team's reasoning and method for determining fair compensation for the Super Bowl XLIII MVP.

It appears that late Sunday night, coach Mike Tomlin, Kevin Colbert, Mr. Rooney, and a confused Ben Roethlisberger entered into a steamy hot tub sausage fest. Ben immediately asked "Where are the girls coach?" But before the coach could respond, the four men found themselves transported into the future, just days before the upcoming NFL season kicked off.

Colbert reached out for a TV remote and quickly navigated his way to the NFL Network. Tomlin asked "Why not ESPN?" to which Kevin responded "I saw your commercial coach. If we stop watching NFL Network, you'll stop coaching, and we've got enough problems to deal with."

Just then, a news flash scrolled across the screen reporting that the Steelers' Santonio Holmes had lost all of his limbs in a freak glass throwing competition sponsored by "Phillies Blunts" with special guest band "Prodigy" performing their 1997 hit "Smack My Bitch Up".

Armed with the knowledge at hand the organization knew they needed to get back to April 11th 2010 and get on the horn immediately. Several teams offered early round compensation but the Steelers couldn't bring themselves to take advantage of another organization. The Jets insisted on 2nd round compensation but after a heated debate their front office backed down and gave the Steelers the 5th round pick they demanded.

When asked if the organization would use the Hot Tub Time Machine again to determine Ben's fate so that they may react appropriately, Mike Tomlin stated: "No. We believe that the eventual replacement of all capable talent around him is punishment enough."


This just in. Some clarification on the Holmes to New Jersey Jets deal. It turns out the Steelers got more than a 5th round pick. The Jets threw in lifetime supply of condoms and three girls that promised to have sex with Ben without filing charges against the QB.