Pro Wrestling's Worst Entertainers
Appearing in front of a crowd is an honor which only the most dedicated performers, the most talented wrestlers, and the most random of absolute nobodies ever gets to achieve.
The rise of people such as the Giant Gonzalez seems completely inexplicable, while WCW making David Arquette their World Heavyweight Champion still defies belief today.
Indeed, many big pushes only make sense if you imagine a big cliff placed conveniently nearby.
In fairness to Mr. Courtney Cox Arquette, he never believed the move to be a good idea, perhaps proving the fans sometimes do know better than the owners.
So, kicking off the worst of the last ten years is...
5. John Heidenreich
Sporting a look that vaguely hinted at Dolph Lundgren's retarded younger sibling, Heidenreich is perhaps best remembered for sexually assaulting Michael Cole.
Usually any act of violence against WWE's least popular commentator would ensure fan favorite status for years to come. Sadly, Heidenreich was hampered by one minor drawback.
A crippling inability to wrestle.
Heidenreich's most high profile feud was against the Undertaker, an opponent he lost to at the 2003 Survivor Series.
Amazingly, he stayed under contract until 2006, a period which saw him throw a massive number of punches, but never actually perform any convincing wrestling maneuvers.
Heidenreich didn't completely waste his time, as he did make a friend in...
4. Gene Snitsky
...Probably the world's ugliest baby.
Snitsky suffered from a rare condition whereby his face grew disproportionately to his head, leading to probably the tiniest face in Wrestling.
Snitsky had a brief romantic interlude with Heidenreich (he liked John's poetry, John liked his approach to childcare), and, as a lumbering big man, inevitably had a major feud with Kane.
Snitsky remained under contract with WWE until December 2008.
Nobody knows why.
Easier on the (tiny, tiny) eye is...
3. Lacey Von Erich
Yes, she has that long neck, long legs, and two impressive lady lumps, but so does a camel.
Neither should be allowed inside a wrestling ring.
That said, if TNA didn't sign a camel, I'm fairly sure Lacey would miss with the clothesline. And speaking of camels, she's definitely closer to perfecting the toe than the clutch.
Possibly the most incompetent Women's wrestler there's ever been.
2. Chris Masters
Chris Masters impressive finisher is called the "Masterlock," a move in which his opponent is forced unconscious due to the overwhelming level of boredom created in the match.
At one point in late 2005, Masters looked like he was heading to the Main Event, which seemed to prove the old adage true: S**t floats.
Chris Masters is, incredibly, still employed by WWE.
1. Nathan Jones
When Nathan Jones sees the words "wrestling ability," he doesn't see those words as they are now, but sees them as they were several million years ago.
It takes the light from the words "wrestling ability" millions upon millions of years to reach Nathan Jones simply because Nathan Jones is so very far away from any ability to wrestle.
The absolute worst I've ever seen.
There simply was nothing Nathan Jones could do in the ring without looking atrocious, and putting him under the wing of guys like Kurt Angle and the Undertaker only seemed to expose him more.
After a forgettable tag team partnership with Matt Morgan, Nathan Jones—to his credit—realized his shortcomings and quit the WWE. He later went on to be beheaded by Brad Pitt in "Troy."
One final point: As awful as all these "wrestlers" are, they are guilty only of taking a chance any wrestling fan would jump at—the real guilt lies with the morons who decided to push them.
Thanks for reading, all comments welcome...