The Cubs have been good before, but the bandwagon has never come this quickly and this early, which is sort of unexplainable. That is, until you actually start thinking like a wishy-washing, flip-flopping fan.
They all saw what happened in Boston four years ago, and they tried to jump on the train, but it was already way over capacity. They all saw something special happening and wanted to be a part of the triumph over adversity (down 3-0) and over the 86-year-old curse of the Bambino.
But they couldn’t because their astute friends called them out on their bullshit by reminding them that just six month before, they were sporting a Yankees hat.
So they went and sulked in the corner and waited. Waited for a team who has been even MORE historically awful than the Red Sox, and an even cooler curse stopping them from winning it all (nothing is cooler than a gypsy-goat curse).
And they’re going to jump on the opportunity early and start sporting a Cubbies hat, maybe even get some photographic evidence, so they can remind their friends that they have been wearing one all year long.
How can you stop this from happening?
Well, friends of sports jerks unite. Be aware if your friend has bandwagon tendencies. If they liked the Bulls in the '80s and early '90s, and then started randomly liking the Lakers in 2000, then watch out.
They’ll probably be wearing a Cubs hat by the end of August. It is you solemn duty as a sports fans to remind your friends of their allegiances and ridicule them if they change due to championship seasons.
Don’t pull punches. Go after their mothers, wives, children, and especially their manhood. Do what it takes to teach them the lesson of team allegiance. Stand by your team in the thick AND the thin of things. That’s what real sports fans do.
And I just want to make this clear.
I am NOT making a Cubs World Series prediction. In fact, WHEN they lose in the NLDS or maybe the NLCS, I will be laughing. I will be laughing like I do every year, but this time will be a little different. I’ll laugh a little softer at the real Cubs fans out there, and I will laugh hysterically at all the bandwagon fans who will no doubt be making a beeline to buy a Tampa Bay Rays hat in anticipation for the 2009 season.
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