Predictions Guaranteed to Go Wrong for the NFL, NBA, NHL, and MLB

In an attempt to steal a bit from the radio god that is Dan Patrick, these are my predictions for the next year that are guaranteed to go wrong.

I'll begin with the two sports whose seasons are about to come to a close.

First up is the NHL.

This one is easy. The Capitals will storm through the Eastern Conference en route to their first ever Stanley Cup Championship. On the way they'll sweep their rivals the Pittsburgh Penguins in the Eastern Conference Championship and then win the Cup in five games over the surprising and hot Phoenix Coyotes.

Next up is the NBA, and King James will finally hoist the NBA Championship trophy (I have no idea what it's called—does it have a name?) by defeating the San Antonio Spurs (that's right) in six games.

You may question the Spurs, but the Lakers are on the verge of imploding, and they will. Tim Duncan will lead the Spurs back to the Finals, but he'll lose, so it was all for nothing.

Now on to our national pastime. No, not the NFL—I'm referring to Major League Baseball. 

Since only eight teams total make it to the postseason, I'll gladly name them for you.

In the National League the Phillies will once again win the East (surprise there), the Cardinals will take the Central (another risky pick), and out West the Padres will edge out the Dodgers, with the Mets (yes, the Mets) taking the Wild Card.

In the AL, the Yanks will of course win the East (I mean, they paid enough for it), and the Twins will dominate the weak Central. I flipped a coin for the West, and it came up tails, so the Seattle Mariners are going back to the postseason! Also, a little team from Boston will edge out the Rays for the Wild Card.

For the World Series I have the Padres falling short to the Red Sox in five.

Now on to this nation's real national pastime, the NFL.

With a massive upgrade at quarterback and an offensive line that will be further fixed in the draft and the rest of free agency, your 2011 Super Bowl champions are the Washington Redskins!

It will be a tearful Lombardi Trophy presentation, as Terry Bradshaw or Al Michaels (I have no idea if NBC or Fox has the game this year) hands the trophy to Mike Shanahan with the Eagles cast-off Donovan McNabb standing next to him, and together they raise the trophy.

What was that? Who will the Skins beat? Um, ah, the Chargers. That's right—I'm predicting that San Diego (named by the Germans, of course) will fail twice to win a world championship in less than six months.

So there you have it: predictions guaranteed to go wrong for the next four championship games.

Bonus: Jimmie Johnson will win his fifth Sprint Cup—duh.