MLB: Five Great Things about Opening Day

With only three days until the first pitch, the 135th Opening Day in Major League Baseball history is almost here. It's only fitting to examine what is so special about this annual American rite of passage.

Just say the words "Opening Day," and all American sports fans know exactly what you are talking about. No need to even mention the sport.

Baseball's Opening Day stands alone.

It seems as though something unique happens every season on that day. Sometimes it's iconic, like Jackie Robinson breaking the color barrier in 1947.

Sometimes it's awe-inspiring, like when Bob Feller pitched the first Opening Day no-no in 1940.

However, there are some things about Opening Day that make it great no matter what happens.

No. 5: Ditching School or Work.

"How can I possibly be expected to handle school on a day like this?"

~Ferris Bueller

Have truer words ever been spoken in cinematic history?

This is the day when fathers across this great land sit their sons down and say, "Son, school is important. That is why it's wrong for you to ditch unless there is a really good game on."

There are 52,325 seats in the new Yankee Stadium, and there just aren't that many stay-at-home dads in the world.

Start thinking up your excuses now. Try to remember not to use the same one you used last year.

Most importantly, don't feel guilty. Enjoy yourself. You can work anytime. Opening Day comes once a year.

For baseball fans, this unofficial holiday is more important than most of the ones that are official paid days off.

No. 4: Hope springs eternal.

I would like to take a moment to congratulate the Kansas City Royals fans.

Your team is undefeated.

All 10 of you have a reason to feel good about your chances on Opening Day. The Royals are tied with the New York Yankees for the best record in baseball.

Enjoy your 30-way tie for first Royals fans. You deserve it.

This is the time when Royals fans can say, "Hey! We have the reigning Cy Young Award winner. All we have to do is let him pitch the next 162 games, and victory is ours!"

Every fan, no matter how lame their team's ownership is, has a right to dream of winning it all on Opening Day.

No. 3: People Watching.

This is where Dad can turn to his son and give him a preview of how is life would turn out if he ditched school more than just on Opening Day.

Idiotic hats. Idiotic signs. People with their shirts off that should never take their shirts off (even when they are in the shower).

People yelling out off-color jokes and thinking they are the first person in the world to be that clever—even though you have heard that stale, plagiarized joke at every game you have ever attended.

The slow pace of baseball gives you time to really observe your fellow man, open-toed sandals with blisters on their stinky feet and all.

At least you get to see the occasional great looking woman in a bikini top as the summer heats up. Unfortunately, she is usually sitting next to the 300-pounder with his shirt off and a huge letter painted on his chest.

Gross, but nevertheless entertaining.

Do you really want to wish me a Happy St. Patrick's Day that badly?

No. 2: The First Pitch and Other Pre-Game Festivities.

There is nothing better than the annual public humiliation ritual of handing someone a baseball that has no business holding one. Let alone attempting to throw it on target from 60-feet, 6-inches away.

Nothing can top the inevitable airmailing or bouncing of said pitch and the bellowing sound of the 50,000 boos that follow.

Carl Lewis takes the cake with this effort at Safeco Field. You throw almost as well as you sing, Carl. Are there any other pregame activities this guy can screw up? Maybe he can skydive in and land on a baby.

Oh ya, and F-18 flyovers are cool, too.

No. 1: Buy Me Some Peanuts and Cracker Jack.

I don't know that I have ever eaten Cracker Jack outside of a sporting event, but when I am at one, I can't get enough. Whoever came up with the idea of putting a toy in the package is the greatest marketing genius of all time.

It was such a happy memory for me as a child, that I still open the prize (just out of curiosity of course) to see what I got. With any luck, it's those lick-on tattoos, the best Cracker Jack prize ever!

I almost never eat hotdogs. Not a big fan. However, at a ballgame they suddenly taste like filet mignon.

The ballgame creates this extrasensory overload that somehow makes everything better. The fresh-cut grass smells like flowers, the leather from your glove smells sweeter and the sun feels more comforting.

Even the beer tastes like Cristal. If it didn't, you wouldn't be willing to pay $10 for one.

And it all tastes even better on Opening Day. Perhaps because it's like seeing an old familiar friend again that helps you to remember all the good times.

What's your favorite Opening Day memory?

Play ball!