As the title suggests, this is a very angry review of a card that could have been the greatest ever wrestlemania, which again as the title suggests I thought was awful. Bearing in mind I am only 18, this is the worst wrestlemania I have ever seen. And quite frankly WWE booking is the only place to point your finger.
The hour before the event began I could not contain my excitement. The potential of this card was ridiculous. We had Edge vs Jericho, two of the most talented guys in the world in a main event match. We had Punk vs Mysterio in what promised to be a fast paced classic. And of course there was the Streak vs the Career. I was convinced there was no way things could go wrong here. Oh how wrong I was.
1. ShoMiz defeat Morrison and R-Truth
Right, I dont think anyone expected to see Morrison and R-Truth walk out with the titles. That wasnt the problem, this match had two guys who we are led to believe are the future of the company, who could have put on, with help from Morrison, a decent tag match. Instead we got a five minute squash match that helped nobody. It was good while it lasted though.
2. Randy Orton defeats Dibiase and Rhodes
Right, anyone who has seen my comments on B/R knows I am not a fan of any of these guys. Frankly I was expecting the usual from these guys. Stomp Stomp Stomp. Clothesline. More Stomping. More Clotheslines. Unfortunately I was right. If, as Cole just kept on letting us know, these guys are the future of the company, we are in trouble. But hey, I liked hearing Rhodes' good old entrance theme.
3. Jack Swagger wins MITB!!!
Hey, as much as this wasnt a great match, I loved seeing Swagger unhook the briefcase. This guy should be the next main event player. Not that waste of space Drew McIntyre. Not Sheamus. Or the boring Rhodes and DiBiase. Swagger is the new Kurt Angle. Heck seeing him in that robe and new costume gave me goosebumps. The match itself had some nice spots. Bourne SSP off the ladder was cool. Swagger ladder sandwich was fun. A couple of other spots made this decent I guess. Here is hoping Swagger does cash in a win the WWE Championship. Hopefully on Cena, those two work decent matches.
4. Triple H defeats Sheamus
Another match I wasnt expecting much from. First off, I am ecstatic that they let Triple H beat Sheamus. Nothing Sheamus does will win me over. I have seen his work before the WWE, in FCW and nearly all his ECW and Raw matches. He has not impressed me in the slightest. After five minutes he had to start repeating moves. Thats how bad he is. Even Cena can go 10 minutes without starting the typical cycle. Hopefully this will start Sheamus' burial. He needs to be fired. The match itself was awful. Like I said, it was Sheamus trying the same old three moves over and over.
5. Rey Mysterio defeats CM Punk
The biggest travesty of the night. Not the wrestling, the amount of time given. These guys should have had at least 15 minutes. Punk is without a doubt one of the top three wrestlers on the planet. Rey is also very good. The fact that in 7 minutes they put on the third best match of the night shows how good they are. Rey's weird DDT backflip thing was awesome. The rest of the match was quick and fun. Should have had at least another 8 minutes.
6. Bret Hart defeats McMahon
Urgh! I dont know what to say. Somehow they find time for McMahon and Bret to cut another boring promo and they have no time for Punk. Why on earth was this match even on the card? It was, dare I say it, this wrestlemania's Kid Rock moment. The crowd was literally dead. The only moments where they would come to life were when Bret would tease a sharpshooter, only to be let down. This is the worst feud the WWE has ran in years. Why? Because it was supposed to mean something. Why could they not have scrapped this garbage, and made Bret accompany Cena, and McMahon Batista? Then in the end they could have got Bret to lock in a Sharpshooter on Vince. Then they could have spared us the countless boring promos on Raw and let the likes of Bourne and Swagger actually wrestle. The sooner I forget this disaster the better.
7. Chris Jericho defeats Edge
Read the Mysterio-Punk review. Not only was this given 13 minutes. It was stuck in between the Hart Match and the divas. Oh God. I actually really pity these two guys. The crowd was actually dead. There was more noise in my living room between three guys than the 70,000 we are told were in the stadium. Why? Because the crap beforehand bored them to death.
Then, when they crowd actually started to get into the match and the two guys started rolling, Jericho wins? Now I badly wanted Jericho to win, but wtf? Seriously, this should have been the main event. Sorry guys, but srew HBK/Taker. This should have been a five star match. No excuses WWE. This was all your fault. Again though, the match was good while it lasted.
8. The cheerleaders beat the girls next door
Lets just move on shall we?
0/10, yea thats right, I preferred the McMahon match
9. John Cena beats Batista
I was kinda luke warm about this one. I thought the build-up to the match was great. But obviously these two arent that great. They got 15 minutes which is what they should have got. And they put on what we expected. No complaints, but that isnt saying much. I guess its true that if you aim low you will never be disappointed.
10. The Undertaker beats HBK, who then retires
Right, time for me to get some heat. Last years mania match was a tad bit overrated. It was a great match. Possibly five stars. But to slow for my liking, and was mostly good because of the storytelling, not any outstanding wrestling ability.
Now, this match. The other guy who reviewed this gave it a 10. Dont know what he is on quite frankly. This was basicly a carbon-copy of last years match, with more finishers and no super-awesome suicide dive. Sorry, but half the kick-outs were predictable. The match still had some amazing spots. HBK's moonsault into the table was great. The last ride facebuster thing was also good. Best part was the finish. Flair got the 'I love you' superkick as a send-off, HBK got that brilliant throat-slit slap. Wow. As much as I hated WM this year. That is going to be my favourite Mania moment ever. Not to mention HBK saying goodbye. Something died in me during that send-off. I even shed a tear I think.
9/10 Well I never said it was a bad match you know ;)
Seriously though. I will never forgive the WWE for tonight. This wrestlemania was quite frankly awful. It had one great match, four decent matches, and five disasters. Not even average matches, absolute shambles. The WWE's crap product has nothing to do with it being PG, all to do with the bookers. This is an honest question. Is Hogan secretly booking things? Tell me what think below. Come on, it has to be him, because I have not seen anything as bad as this since the WCW in 1999/2000.
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