Time to face the music.
The San Jose Sharks have been mediocre at best since well before the Olympic Break and downright dismal through most of 10 games since, leading to their worst skid since 1997.
Theories abound as to what their major malfunction seems to be, but the fact of the matter is, answers remain elusive.
Time for drastic measures!
Where neither practice, nor speeches, nor days off, nor rationalizing has worked yet, here are three purely superstitious steps the San Jose Sharks can take to shake their slump before it gets too late:
There are many traditions in the great game of hockey involving hair.
The most obvious is the tradition of growing playoff beards. Every spring, players and fans alike stop shaving their faces in the hopes that it will bring their team luck in the Stanley Cup Playoffs.
Other teams have tried additional tactics as well, such as bleaching their hair blond, or in the case of the 2008 Calgary Flames, getting mohawks in the first round of the playoffs. But the “hairy” superstitions of hockey don’t stop there, at least, not for the Sharks.
Earlier this year, before a home game against the Edmonton Oilers, Sharks forward Devin Setoguchi was mired in a frustrating scoring slump.
Before the game, he tried a tactic he had once used in junior hockey: shaving his head. The technique worked, as Seto scored two goals that night, prompting Sharks TV play-by-play announcer Randy Hahn to quip “If you shave it, you will score.”
So what does that say? Well the Sharks entire roster and coaching staff could try shaving their heads, but that is not very likely to happen (or appealing to look at). There are, however, two very notable, very bald members of the Sharks organization who might consider makeovers.
If Sharks TV color commentator Drew Remenda and SJ Sharkie don wigs, it could be just the thing to bust the slump!
All season, fans have watched the Sharks enter the ice at HP Pavilion through the smoking shark head to the tune of Metallica’s “Seek and Destory.”
This entrance song was likely chosen to compliment the Sharks’ stated goal of being a more gritty, physical, and punishing team this season.
However, having fallen to fourth in the Western Conference, and looking terrible against teams at the bottom of the league, this hardly seems appropriate anymore.
The only thing the Sharks are seeking is the edge they lost months ago, and the only thing they are destroying is their credibility throughout and league and the hopes of a frustrated fan base.
It seems like a good time to skate in to a different tune, but which one? They could go with something obvious like Frank Sinatra’s “Luck be a Lady,” but that seems a little too soft.
Given the way the Sharks have consistently driven coaches, fans, and analysts up the wall with their inconsistent play, some might argue for Prince’s “Let’s Go Crazy!” But again, this rings too much of pop to cut it at a hockey game.
Seeing as the play of the Sharks in recent days must be causing more than a few people associated with the team to lose some sleep, my vote goes to Dio’s “Dream Evil.”
No wish on a rising star will help break this slump, the Sharks need to open the door . . .
The time has officially come to get rid of that obnoxious “Western Conference Regular Season Champions–2008-2009” banner in the rafters.
I have no idea whose idea it was to put it up there, and to be honest I really do not care. All I know is that it stands as a commemoration of last year’s playoff disappointment.
Had the Sharks won the Stanley Cup last year, I would bet everything I own that the hideous rag would not be up there. So why is it up there now?
Clearly it brings the Sharks no mojo or even motivation to avenge that embarrassment.
I say have Sharkie burn it at center ice before the start of the Stars game. Cleanse HP Pavilion of this scourge so the team can heal and move on.
Will these techniques delivery San Jose the Cup? Who knows, but they couldn’t hurt.