Sports, ostensibly the large-scale organization of games, are still ruled by iron-fisted despots holding jewel-encrusted scepters and tottering around berm-concealed mansions in air-cushioned bedroom slippers.
Unfortunately, these tyrants shun publicity, and if their names garner notice, they are 'removed' by the other members of the cabal. Of course, I could just be making that up.
The point is, however, that I really don't know who the most powerful people in sports are. They are powerful, I know that. They are mostly executives and agents, who wisely keep their name out of the spotlight, as they slap backs and rake huge piles of cash with platinum shovels.
But I can tell you who I think the most powerful well-known sports figures are.
My criteria for selecting these was to envision them all in a room together. I then ranked them by forcing them each to say "Hey, I want an iced latte." The one who could get the most people to get him or her an iced latte was ranked the highest.
So here are the rankings.
1) ESPN
Going only by his initials, this shadowy figure controls sports broadcasting and discourse world wide. In fact, his motto, "the Worldwide Leader" speaks to his ruthless ambition to control everything, everywhere.
And by slowly building his empire from one that showed reruns of Football Follies to one that single-handedly buried the sport of ice hockey by refusing to renew the contract.
Sure, an occasional voice cries out in the wilderness, decrying ESPN's stranglehold on sports, but these are quickly eliminated and their heads placed on a platter for Mrs. ESPN.
2) Tiger Woods
When he turned around and said, "I believe I want an iced latte and a magical fusion machine that makes foie gras" the entire room emptied in an stampede to comply. When Tim Finchem came back with the latte and a pop-up toaster with "Mr Fusion" written with Sharpie on the side, the whole room felt his pain.
The World's Greatest Golfer means so much to sports (yes, indefinite plural referring to the totality of sports) that he gets what he wants, when he wants it.
3) Phil Knight
The man who came the closest to fulfilling Tiger's wish; bringing a latte and eight scientists from Los Alamos, he is extremely powerful. Nike's swoosh is omnipresent on football uniforms, shoes, and little Thai children's foreheads.
Chances are, if humans make contact with races from other planets, Nike has their apparel contract. He controls half of the NBA, NCAA basketball, and the Oregon football program. His company's reach is far, and Knight is the man who brought them there.
4) Roger Goodell
Adam Jones brought him his latte, but then in a misguided attempt at reconciliation, tried to "make it rain" coffee.
Though this backfired, remember that Goodell is the man who single-handedly faced down the NFL's gang culture, and on the same day demanded Chile as payment for TV rights.
Though he can be viewed as a slightly more powerful Judge Harry Stone and better dress sense, he is not a man to be trifled with.
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3 months ago
Phil Knight had the foresight to offer Michael Jordan $2.5 million to endorse Nike before MJ set foot on an NBA court. This has to be the smartest business move of the last 30 years. Check out my open mic article for a little more on that subject.
Good article though, I really enjoyed it.
3 months ago
Good article man. I think it's funny that you considered ESPN a person, but they definitely are powerful in sports!
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