Juiceboxing 101: The Temporary Return of Everybody's Favorite MMA Column

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Juiceboxing 101: The Temporary Return of Everybody's Favorite MMA Column
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Hello, loyal juicers.

It's been a while since I've been able to write for Bleacher Report. After taking the MMA Internet community by storm late last year, I was forced to take a brief hiatus from my writing.

I've returned to find myself dropped at least 30 places in rankings, and the site has obviously suffered from my absence.

I've decided that too much time has gone by in the year, and too many newsworthy events have gone down for me to keep quiet on them. Who better to address the juiciest issues of 2010?

I'm going to take a quick glance over the bigger stories and events of 2010 thus far and inject you all with that straight shot of juice you've been craving.

 

UFC 108

This was the PPV many feared wouldn't deliver the goods. Although we all felt a little better the following day, looking back on it a few months later, not much happened.

Junior Dos Santos knocked out someone we figured he'd knock out. The lightweights shuffled up the middle of their rankings. Rashad Evans out-pointed Thiago Silva in a somewhat bizarre non-title main event.

I remember the only thing that really surprised me was Dustin Hazelett receiving the dramatic "lights-out" entrance prior to his fight. Everything returned to normal minutes later, when Paul Daley knocked his lights out for real-real, not for play-play.

 

UFC Fight Night: Maynard/Diaz

Again, not too exciting of a card in retrospect. The entire MMA world crumbles when I'm not near.

Anyway, Gray Maynard beat Nate Diaz, but he's still boring, and it wasn't enough to get him a title shot against BJ Penn. Tom Lawlor was back to his silly pre-fight antics, which were enough to create a larger buzz for the fighter, even in defeat to Aaron Simpson.

Seriously, Simpson, win all you want, but until you dress like Hulk Hogan, no one's going to give a damn. It's a shame, but that's national television for you.

 

UFC 109

I tried hyping this PPV up to my friends on Facebook. I posted something along the lines of "I hear they're going to lock two old men in a cage and have them fight for money." I got back a reply that it sounded like an old WCW PPV.

It was a fitting statement. UFC 109 provided a lot of nostalgia with fighters such as Randy Couture, Mark Coleman, Frank Trigg, and Matt Serra, but the real story came from the guys we didn't expect big performances from.

Chael Sonnen (who turns out to be a really funny guy) won an all-out war over the favored Nate Marquardt, and had he not received a nasty cut down his face, he'd very likely be taking on middleweight champion Anderson Silva in Abu Yabba Dabba Doo.

Instead, Demian Maia outboxed (?) fellow BJJ ace Dan Miller, and it was enough to get him the title shot against Silva. At least, that's what Dana White is going to be falling all over himself to convince you of in the coming months.

Oh yeah, and that ugly-as-sin Paulo Thiago guy absolutely mauled Mike Swick. It's time we stop taking Swick as a serious contender in any division.

 

UFC 110

Ah, UFC 110! I will remember you fondly.

I was more pumped for this PPV than I have been in a long time. My favorite fighter of all time, Wanderlei Silva, took on my least favorite fighter of all time, Michael Bisping, in my favorite country, Australia.

Wandy was even nice enough to change his entire face for the Aussies.

While we all would've liked a serious beatdown, we did get to see Wandy explode in the final minute of each round and put a hurting on the Brit. I'm still pretty sure Bisping was unconscious at the end of the second round, but no matter. Wandy hangs on and is looking to take on Sexyama soon.

And we all know how Wandy does against Japanese fighters.

Cain Velasquez bullied Antonio Rodrigo Nogueira like nobody's business, and struck a sense of fear and urgency in the heavyweight division. The new school is definitely taking over, and this fight, more than any in recent memory, underlined that notion.

And it did it in the first round.

Ryan Bader threw 1,000 left hooks at Keith Jardine until catching him with one. I like Bader and he looked great in this fight, but I have a feeling a more sophisticated fighter would figure out what he's doing.

 

Elsewhere

Nick Diaz continues to impose his realness on his opponents in Strikeforce, as he recently knocked out the heavily hyped Marius Zaromskis to become the first-ever Strikeforce welterweight champion.

James Toney signed a multi-fight deal with the UFC. I know this is old news already, but OH MY GOD! What could possibly come of this?

It really depends on who he's booked against. If they give him someone that's going to try their hand at boxing with him, it's going to give MMA a bad name when Toney mauls said fighter. But it's crazy to think someone like Randy or Brock Lesnar couldn't lay on him for 15 minutes.

But what if they can't? This is easily going to be one of the most intriguing stories to unfold as the year marches on.

Fedor is fighting Fabricio Werdum, which we kind of figured would happen, but that doesn't mean we were any less disappointed in hearing it finalized.

I don't want to touch on the whole "Brett Rogers got KTFO'd but still gets a title shot" issue, as I know people are flipping out over it. Let me just say that if getting knocked out by Fedor gets you a title shot, the competition for the Strikeforce heavyweight title is staggering.

Bring on Zulu!

 

That's it for now. Again, I want to write more and promise I will one day. It's just been extremely difficult to do lately. I actually drove to a library and sat next to this weirdo that keeps looking at my screen (YEAH, KID! YOU!) for an hour to get this thing written.

Keep it juicy, people.

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