Like a Prayer: Only 53 Days of the Offseason Left

Tonight, as I was flipping through the channels, I stopped to check out ESPN. At first I thought, perhaps, I was watching an episode of Inside Edition, but upon further review, it was just another episode of SportsCenter during the offseason.

So, apparently A-Rod is currently on the "Borderline" because he is allegedly dipping his Louisville Slugger into the material girl's "Lucky Star." Late-night visits, infidelity, public statements, Cynthia Rodriguez and Lenny Kravitz...stop me if you've heard this. I felt like I was sitting on the throne growing a tail reading my wife's US Weekly.

Much like passing a bad car accident, I couldn't stop watching. After the "unlike a virgin" segment, I was treated with a story on tight end Tony Gonzalez giving some Bolts fan the Heimlich Maneuver.

Tight end? Heimlich Maneuver? Insert joke here. They even interviewed Gonzo. The interview was fascinating...worthy of a Peabody, no doubt.

Unfortunately it doesn't stop there.

I actually obeyed Stuart Scott when he told me not to touch the dial because the "Top-10 Plays" segment was up next. Little did I know that the commercials that I choked down during the break were more entertaining than the top-10 plays. 

I'm not sure what the top-six plays were because I changed the channel after the birdman contest highlights, a shameless "extreme obstacle course" show called Wipeout (a knockoff of a Japanese game show) on ABC plug, an arena football highlight, and a AAA baseball highlight. I'm not making this up, people. YouTube it.

To add insult to injury, at some point during this "episode", a poll was cast. The poll asked voters which was the best championship event of 2008? Was it the Super Bowl, U.S. Open, NCAA Men's basketball, or Wimbledon?

I may be a nit-picking, biased, diehard LSU fan here, but wasn't the BCS National Championship Game played in 2008? Just sayin'.

I hate to admit this, but I think that I would rather watch Kirk Herbstreit underrate and discredit all of the SEC schools as he simultaneously fellates OSU than watch segments of our favorite Ed Hardy drenched Kabala pop star "Express Herself" regarding the divorce of Alex and Cynthia Rodriguez.

By the way, is it just me, or are Madonna's arms bigger than A-Rod's? Stay tuned, as this debate will probably be tackled on the next edition of SportsCenter.

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