The above photo says it all about what we will see Friday morning. You may not like the answer you'll receive.
In less than 24 hours, Tiger Woods will speak.
It's doubtful his words will come from the heart.
Flanked by handlers, close friends and a select group of "journalists," Woods will finally address the issues that resulted in the biggest fall from grace a professional athlete has ever endured.
Three months after Woods' world triple-bogeyed into a cesspool of lurid escapades involving a Murderer's Row of star-gazing women who compromised their principles in exchange for a back 9 that was more Cinamax at 2 am than Sunday at Augusta, he will speak, apologize to his fans and perhaps give some insight when Tiger Woods, billionaire adulterer will transform again into Tiger Woods, the world's best golfer.
Yet -- in much the same manner that he missed out on a major's title in 2009 -- Woods will again fall short of his mark.
The man we'll see speaking tomorrow will not answer questions, as the select group of journalists invited to see him read his well-scripted comments --- err, speak from the heart -- will be comprised of nothing more than sycophants willing to compromise their professional ethics in exchange for years of softball interviews and access to the man most responsible for their cushy assignments.
For all of Woods' endless wealth, one of the most puzzling aspects of his fiasco has been the shocking lack of sound public relations advice. Instead of having one-time only, man up and confront the media moment, tomorrow's press conference has the feel of a half-assed attempt to pacify the masses while dodging more difficult questions. In the end, Tiger's handlers must presume that this will stem the tide, that the expectant flood will be sandbagged by this tease of an event.
I don't think Woods owes us an explaination. What he did is an issue that only he, his wife and his family need know. The salacious tidbits that fuel junkotainment shows like Entertainment Tonight, Extra and Access Hollywood will receive a trip to the gas station of sleeze at a time where most of the sports world would rather move on and focus -- for once -- on the action on the field instead of the NC-17 movie that Woods' life has become.
If Woods is going to do a press conference, he should have simply taken his lumps, field questions and end the event by explaining that from here out, golf questions are the only thing on the interview menu.
At some point in time, Woods will have to dance with the media devil. Tomorrow would have been a good time to put his boogie shoes on.
Instead, it will be nothing more than a scripted two-step that will feel more like a Vince McMahon feel rather than the contrite words of a man who is in need of a major makeover.
Fore! Uh, no.
More like fore-get it.