Tiger Woods Cordially Invites You... (Humor)

Andrew O'BrienContributor IFebruary 17, 2010

MELBOURNE, AUSTRALIA - JANUARY 21:  Spectators hold up a poster of Tiger Woods during the first round doubles match between Marinko Matosevic and Bernard Tomic of Australia and Martin Damm of the Czech Republic and Filip Polasek of Slovakia during day four of the 2010 Australian Open at Melbourne Park on January 21, 2010 in Melbourne, Australia.  (Photo by Lucas Dawson/Getty Images)
Lucas Dawson/Getty Images

This article originally appeared on PhillyFanComplex.com.

Tiger and Elin (Nordegren? Woods? Woods-Nordegren?)

along with Tiger's lawyers, people, handlers, advisers, entourage, hangers-on, and Steve Williams

Invite you to take part in announcing a once-in-a-lifetime event

The Tiger Woods "I Play for Keeps" Tour

When: Friday, Feb. 19, 2010 at 11 am

Where: Your nearest television;

or, if you are a handpicked member of the media, in your assigned seat.

What to Bring: Nothing. The written statement in its entirety will be distributed to those in attendance.

Leave your questions, bias, judgment, criticism, and journalistic integrity at the door.

Rick Reilly, you are not invited. You have betrayed Tiger's trust and are forever damned.

Same goes for you, Buzz Bissinger.

Fer shizzle.

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