The Wrath of Khan

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The Wrath of Khan

It’s being reported today that the owners of the St. Louis Rams have entered into a signed agreement to sell a majority share of the team.

Bare-lipped owner Chip Rosenbloom and his sister Lucia Rodriguez, who inherited the franchise from their late mother Georgia Frontiere, have a signed agreement to sell their 60 percent stake in the Rams to Shahid Khan.

And while you’ll see a number of interesting points smattered about in media coverage about the pending sale — he’s a lifelong Rams fan, owns an auto-parts manufacturer, is committed to keeping the team in St. Louis, pins flowers to his suits, etc. — what really matters is what this means to minorities in regards to ownership opportunities in the National Football League.

Indeed, there are not many minority owners. It’s an old white boys club — the Rooneys, Jerry Jones, Al Davis, Mike Brown, the Maras, Dan Snyder, Tom Benson, Ralph Wilson and the list goes own.

But now, along comes Khan to help bust open the mold.

Indeed, Khan is not just an American.  He is a Mustached American, and he joins Minnesota Vikings owner Zygi Wilf as the only Mustached American majority owners in professional football.

This means a great deal to our community of downtrodden people — people of Mustached American descent if you will — who have suffered at the hands of the clean-shaven aristocracy since the days of Presidents Teddy Roosevelt and William Howard Taft. The days where eating a Chinese panda steak was thought to be good and pure, when Colt 45 was part of your breakfast and not just a mid-day snack, and when people carried bayonets and stabbed Lutherans just for pleasure.

And even better, Khan joins minority owner Stan Kroenke (see BusinessWeek profile story on him), who as of now will retain his remaining 40 percent of the Rams, to form a Mustached American center of power. This all coming appropriately in the shadow of the world’s largest mustache — St. Louis’ Gateway Arch.

Let me just express my gratitude on behalf of all Mustached Americans and say thank you, Shahid Khan, for standing tall as a leader in the Mustached American community and proving that people of all races and creeds and do great things when they share the bond of lip sweatertude.

Carry on.


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