The rumors are flying that former NFL DB coach Teryl Austin will accept the Gators open defensive coordinator position.
The position was vacated by George "Who the hell is that?" Edwards after one month to join Chan Gailey's dream team at the perennial NFL powerhouse Buffalo Bills.
Uh, wait. The Bills aren't a powerhouse?
Then maybe it was Gailey's charming personality.
I've just been informed that there's no way Gailey is charming as he has no personality.
Ok, the position was vacated by known insano, George Edwards, who likes building snowmen or something.
Anyway, back to Teryl.
There's nothing official yet. The rumors out of Arizona say he's set to sign, but the Gators' camp says that is premature. Regardless, I'll get you up to date on who this potential new guy is.
First, his name is Teryl Austin. I assume you pronounce that like you would Terrell in Terrell Owens' name and not Terrell as in Terrell Davis.
As far as I can tell, defenses got better when he was there. I suppose that's a good thing; however, this will potentially be his first potential defensive coordinator role.
Austin coached DBs for the Super Bowl losing Seattle Seahawks and for the Super Bowl losing Arizona Cardinals. That's a good thing, I think.
I'd be a lot happier if he was the Super Bowl winning coach and if both teams hadn't lost thanks to passing plays (Randel El to Ward in '06, Roethlisberger to Holmes in '09).
Also, I'd be happier if he wasn't a DBs coach.
The Gators already have a co-coordinator/DBs coach in Chuck Heater.
What they need is a linebackers coach.
If he's going to stay as a corners coach, then I suppose the Gators could scrap the front seven all together and just field DBs. There's probably 11 starting DBs to be found in the last four recruiting classes.
It's time for the true answer to the spread, the 0-0-11 (This is a really crappy, really sarcastic idea, don't listen to me)!
The move isn't a potential disaster though.
His defenses have a knack for intercepting almost everything and for returning most of those interceptions. With the Gators' athletic secondary, that should equal a lot of points that John Brantley doesn't need to create.
As far as the defensive scheme, I don't have a clue.
I'd imagine Austin would try to get as many playmakers on the field as possible, so the 3–3–5 would fit his high turnover rate.
That said, the Cards are a 3–4 defense, so he might bring that to Gainesville (you know, if he's coming).
I'll keep this updated while the search continues, but for now, Teryl Austin is the most visible candidate.
On second thought:
These are the kinds of things I think about when I know nothing about a candidate for a high profile position.
That has to be the most unimpressive picture I've ever seen. A gray background? Really!? I don't think I like this Austin guy very much.
You know what is impressive? Those KFC spicy wings commercials. Where's the chili peppers? Where's the Tiger, Teryl. I don't feel very spicy when I see you standing there in picture purgatory.
Plus, your eyebrows are way too thick, and your posture is slouching ever so slightly. You know who notices these types of things? Impressionable 18–22 year olds.
You're going to have all of the Gators' defenders slumping to the right. The Peyton Mannings of the world would have a field day throwing out routes.
Thank God we don't play Peyton Mannings. We play against Greg McElroys and those guys don't notice anything.
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