Mike Leach: Where Will the Pirate Ship Land?

Yar.

A vast, ye matey.

While the Pirate Ship of Cap'n Mike Leach sails the treacherous shoals of the Legal Seas in Leach vs. Texas Tech, it appears that our captain will not be on board as a head coach in the 2010 season at any other program.

Me thinks, however, that once the scallywags of the judicial process have rendered their verdict, then the ol’ Buccaneer will be headin’ up some other program in the 2011 or 2012 season.

So where might he be landin’?

I’ve taken a look at 10 programs that might utilize the freebooter's services next year, taking into consideration that they all have a current coach who is walkin’ a short plank….

And I’m not including the NFL. Leach needs to run his own show his way, and the uptight, buttoned down, corporate weenie world of the No Fun League ain't a good fit for a swashbuckler such as he.

The NFL is, after all, the fun-loving jokers who tried to sue people for using the phrase "who dat," so freedom of speech is not a concept that they appear to be "down with." And Leach has a hard time keeping his pie hole shut.

The NFL is also a bunch of people who consider Jerry Jones and Al Davis to be fine, upstanding citizens rather than the reptilian life forms that the rest of humanity categorizes them as (with sincere apologies to all the snakes, lizards, and horned toads out there). I doubt if Leach would keep his mouth shut about them for long if he was in the league.

Given that, I'm thinkin' that Mike Leach fits in with the NFL about as much as a drunk fits in at a Baptist wedding.

So here are my picks are some of the places we might see Leach pop up in the next year or so…

No. 10 SYRACUSE ORANGEMEN

Syracuse is a great example of how a coach can take a well-respected program and quickly change perceptions of it...for the worse.

People routinely refer to the Orangemen as "not a football school." Yet, before Gregg Robinson took over the program in 2004 and promptly ran it into the ground, the school had been to 14 bowls (including four majors) in the two previous coaching regimes of Dick McPherson and Paul Pasqauloni. The school has a long and proud history of achievement in football at the highest level, and an alumni base that wants to see them get back to winning...NOW.

New Coach Doug Marrone, hired in 2009, promptly went 4-8, and may be on a short leash. If he does not turn it around quick, he could be gone.

Why would Syracuse be a good fit for Leach?

As a private school, they will give him free reign. Passionate alumni base and good facilities. They play in the Carrier Dome, so his air-related attack will not be affected by the weather. It is a BCS school and, as demonstrated by McPherson and Pasqualoni, the talent base is there to produce winners.

Plus, upstate New York puts up with denizens of New York City coming up to their vacation homes all summer long. So let’s just say they are use to a level of verbal interaction that is, ahem, enthusiastic. The verbal gaffes that got Leach on the hot seat out in Lubbock probably won’t even be noticed back East.

No. 9 UTEP MINERS

Coach Mike Price has been there a couple of years and is coming off a 4-8 season. It has been a long time since the Miners have had a consistent winning program. If he does not produce in 2010, there might be a slot opening up in El Paso.

While this is a step down from a BCS program, UTEP does have some attractive qualities that might draw Leach.

The school has rabid fan support and good facilities. Leach is certainly familiar with the territory, as it is just a couple of hours down the road from Lubbock, and thus he will know how to recruit there. He’ll have the support of the administration, who are eager to increase the visibility of the school's athletic programs.

And UTEP schedules Tech quite often...which would be a little added incentive for Leach.

If the BCS schools snub Leach due to the situation at Tech, he might be a good fit at a program like this that is looking for a winner and some star power from their coach.

No. 8 INDIANA HOOSIERS

There has been talk of firing Coach Bill Lynch since at least 2008, and last year’s 4-8 (1-7 Big Ten) didn't stop the talk. If you don't see at least a 6-6 bowl eligible team here in 2010, expect an opening for 2011.

The Hoosiers' season included a 47-7 spanking at the hands of a putrid Virginia team, and a 19-13 squeaker of a win over 1-AA Eastern Kentucky. Not too impressive.

As a Big Ten school, they have the facilities, money, BCS ties, and alumni support. The recruiting territory is good. And they put up with Bobby Knight there for years and years, so have a history of dealing with "characters."

Leach might find, however, that the weather conditions in the Big Ten, with the rain and mud, might not be as suited to his aerial attack as the sun shine of the West Texas plains. But, then again, plenty of good passing arms have come out of the area. So he might be a compelling hire.

No. 7 DUKE BLUE DEVILS

David Cutliff has been there since 2008 and has not had a winning season. Given that he had previous success at Ol’ Miss, and the lousy state of the program that he took over, the administration may give him a few more years.

On the other hand, although he reportedly spurned overtures for the opening at Tennessee, Cutliff himself may decide to move on if he does not feel the program is moving in the right direction.

Duke, as a private institution, would give Leach the power and autonomy he desires. As a BCS school with a very wealthy alumni base, they are resource rich and reside in a talent-rich area.

Their high academic standards should also not be a hindrance to Leach, as the Tech Red Raiders always had one of the highest graduation rates in the country under him.

While it may be a long shot, given Cutliff’s short tenure, one never knows. And Leach would make a nice presence during the winter at those Duke Hoop games.

No. 6 VANDERBILT COMMODORES

People say that Vandy is in a no-win situation, as a small private school in the talent stocked SEC.

I actually wonder the opposite...why can’t they leverage their advantages to build a winning football program?

After all, city schools with small enrollments and good academics have proven to be able to build competitive programs. Boston College in the ACC is a perennial bowl team. Northwestern holds their own in the Big Ten against a host of large land grant universities. TCU has been very successful the past decade. And Harbaugh has turned around Stanford in the PAC 10.

They all did it by emphasizing to recruits that sometimes smaller is better...smaller classes, a more effective alumni network, a more intimate campus, and personalized attention. While you still get to play big time ball.

For Leach, Vandy would seem to be a nice fit.

The last time Vandy challenged for the SEC crown dinosaurs roamed the earth, so his expectation set would be low...and the administration would likely give him the carte blanche to run the program as he desires. The recruiting territory is good, facilities are good, and alumni support is there. And the SEC is obviously a big stage, which would satisfy his ego needs.

Leach’s pass-oriented attack would seem be a nice fit with Vandy’s program, bringing them into a consistent competitive arena with the rest of their league.

Plus, he’d get to go to the Grand Ole Opry during the offseason and eat fried chcken at the Cock O' the Walk restaurant. Can't beat that!

No. 5 NEW MEXICO LOBOS

The first year of Mike Locksley in 2009 was looking like the nightmare hire for the Lobos. Not only did they finish a horrible 1-11, but he also got into a fight with an assistant coach that resulted in a ten day suspension by the administration.

Ouch.

Gave em' a black eye, literally and figuratively.

It doesn’t take a brain surgeon to figure out that if he does not produce, quickly, he might be seeking employment elsewhere.

The Lobos have a rabid fan base and an administration looking for a winner. They are in the same geographical territory as Tech, so Leach knows how to recruit there. And the Mountain West is knocking on the door to become the seventh BCS conference, a goal that will be achieved if the middle-and-lower-end programs in the league improve. Being a part of that would be just the thing to feed the considerable ego needs of Swashbucklin’ Mike.

Throw in a stadium and weather conducive to his passing attack, and the fact that the Lobos play Tech in an OOC game every year (can you say “revenge”? Sure ya can), and a stop in the Land of Enchantment might be on the itinerary for Leach.

No. 4 MISSISSIPPI STATE BULLDOGS

Mississippi State has traditionally played second fiddle to Ole Miss in the state, something Leach is familiar with from Tech, which trailed both UT and A&M for support. Yet, like Tech, they have a loyal and vocal fan base who would like to see a consistent winner in Starkville.

Dan Mullen, a former Florida assistant, is only entering his second year, so he probably has a bit more time. But if the Bulldogs are not bowl eligible by 2011, expect an opening. SEC fans are not noted for their patience.

So if Leach decides to cool his heels for a couple of seasons before reentering the fray, the state of Mississippi may see its first Buccaneer since the days of Jean Claude Lafitte.

No. 3 ARMY BLACK KNIGHTS

HA, HA, HA

Just kidding. Despite Army's need for a winner, and the high probability that Leach's offensive schemes would work well with the athletes that the service academy gets, there's no way he would fit in with the military culture at West Point.

He's a friggin' Pirate, after all!

No. 2 COLORADO BUFFALOS

Colorado has announced that Coach Dan Hawkins will return to the Buffs for his fifth season.

Lord knows why.

Hawkins' job status had come under heavy scrutiny as the Buffaloes posted a 3-8 season. They will miss a bowl trip for the third time in Hawkins' four-season tenure and were the first Big 12 team eliminated from bowl consideration.

Hawkins is 16-32 with a 2-20 road record and a 10-21 mark in the Big 12.

That is, as my dear old dad used to say, not so good.

His contract expires in 2012, but I just don't see him hanging around much longer if they don't do anything in 2010.

Colorado, being a free-spirited kind of place, would fit Leach's persona well. They certainly have the history, facilities, and BCS ties to make it work.

It would also give Leach a chance to produce in the Big 12 North, where there is one big gun in town (Nebraska) rather than the three or four (Texas, Oklahoma, Oklahoma State, and/or A&M) that the South has.

He'd also look good on a snowboard in the offseason. Shred, you gnarly dude.

No. 1 WASHINGTON STATE COUGARS

Maybe a move from the arid plains of West Texas to the arid plains of East Washington would suit Leach. Heck, even the stadium looks kind of similar.

Current Coach Paul Wulff has taken a program from mediocrity to bottom of the ocean depths. The Cougars have gone 3-22 under Wulff in the past three seasons, including an anemic 1-17 in conference play.

They are coming off a 1-11 season in which they gave up 462 points and scored only 144. For you math whizzes out there, that’s an average beat down of 38 to 12. They gave up 30 or more points in 10 of their games and scored 20 or more only twice. It makes you wince just thinking about how bad they are.

So why would Leach be a good fit for Washington State?

He has experience recruiting as the underdog, with a chip on his shoulder against the bigger name brands in his conference. The school does have decent alumni support and is a member of a prestigious BCS conference with the plum of a Rose Bowl berth dangling for the winner.

The administration would give him the freedom to do as he wishes and has a culture of being tolerant of "unique" characters. What limited success the school has had in its past history has come from throwing the ball around, and the Pac 10 has always been known as a passing league.

Building the program and turning it into a consistent winner would be a challenge that he relishes. And, if successful, he gets to give a big ol’ “nyah, nyah” and thumb his nose to the administration at Tech, which, given his personality, would also seem to be an incentive.

The remoteness of the campus, like that of Tech, would also play to his strength of creating a unique atmosphere and devotion to his techniques and leadership that can be parlayed into winning football.

So don’t be surprised to see Leach up in Cougarland if Wulff does not produce (and, quite frankly, it does not appear that he will).

Perhaps, for Mike Leach, the long culmination of his struggles with Tech will eventually come up smelling like Roses.