The Super Bowl.
A chance for males everywhere to get together, bet on the Super Bowl , watch a sporting event, and its commercials while feeling completely free of any estrogen influence. Super Bowl Sunday is a male’s day—that was until the Half Time shows evolved into shameless commercial plugs and pop-culture representations.
The Super Bowl Half Time shows used to be all about marching bands doing their thing, not unlike the College Bowl games that infiltrate televisions at the start of every year. 1991 marked the beginning of a shift toward big names, and featured in big productions on big stages. 1991 also symbolized a start to the Half Time hype has disappointed more often than not.
Here’s a countdown of the most boring Super Bowl Half Time shows ever. Keep in mind that boring to some (men especially) may not be boring to others (women and pop culture enthusiasts).
10. Sting (2003)
Don’t get us wrong here—Sting is a talent and a classy one at that. For a Super Bowl however, his mellow tunes and uber-slick ways don’t really endure to the football-watching public. Women talking about how hot that Sting is dominated conversations everywhere, thus making it one of the most boring non-events of that Super Bowl year.
9. Gloria Estefan (1999)
This is not Gloria’s only appearance on this list—there will be more about her to come. Gloria II was a performance that catered to only a small percentage of viewers—I wasn’t one of them. Beer took precedence—a choice that I would later regret.
8. Chubby Checker and the Rockettes (1988)
Not sure what the NFL was thinking bringing in a marginal performer that was CLEARLY decades past his prime. Although old timers may have struck around for the festivities, the younger generation likely took the opportunity to hit the buffet table and the keg.
7. Phil Collins, Toni Braxton, Christina Aguilera, Enrique Iglesias (2000)
The “Tapestry of Nations ” theme was lost on me right away. Not sure what is has to do with the Super Bowl and sports in general. An odd collection of talent turned into a Half Time snooze fest.
6. Blue Brothers (1997)
This was one of those “shameless plug” Half Time shows that was as short on excitement as it was on talent. John Goodman—you are no John Belushi. This Half Time show was likely a deterrent for may wanting to see the new Blues Brothers movie .
5. N*SYNC (2001)
Whoever thought of having a boy band provide Half Time entertainment at the Super Bowl should be fired. As soon as they ran out of the tunnel toward the stage, many left the television in favour of more meaningful activities elsewhere. Do you think that the Baltimore Ravens and New York Giants fans loved the show? Me neither.
4. Up With People (multiple dates)
Up With People performed at no less than four Super Bowl Half Time Shows. Their message of peace, harmony and love was totally lost on the football-watching public.
3. Diana Ross (1996)
This is yet another in a long line of Half Time shows that did not appeal to the average football fan. It might be a little harsh to call it boring, because it’s likely that not many stuck around to watch it. The helicopter that took Ross away at the end of the show was a little much as well.
2. New Kids on the Block, Disney Characters, and Warren Moon (1991)
Boring might be an unfair characterization for this show as well. After all, the show wasn’t even seen by most (coverage of the Gulf War pre-empted the show). But having a boy band entertaining a testosterone latent audience is ridiculous at best. Those who watched were either too drunk to get up from the couch, or were sucking up to a lady that they were trying to get with
1. Gloria Estefan with Brian Boitano and Dorothy Hammill (1992)
Every football game should be accompanied by a little figure skating shouldn’t it? This was a complete tactical blunder by the NFL. There simply isn’t anything cool about figure skating, and about a Latin pop theme in the state of Minnesota. Congrats Gloria, Brian, and Dorothy—you bored us all to tears.
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