Lane Kiffin Sewage Center & Eight Other Coach-Inspired Campus Facilities (SATIRE)
One of the greatest ways to honor someone is to dedicate a building, facility, or monument in that person's name.
Peyton Manning Pass, Neyland Stadium, and Phillip Fulmer Way are all dedicated to past Volunteer greats.
However, after abandoning Tennessee in the middle of the night for the West Coast, Lane Kiffin just wants the memory of him down south to be erased.
Knoxville attorney Drew McElroy filed paperwork with the Knoxville City Council's Public Properties and Facilities Naming Committee in order to rename the facility after the "garbage-like" Kiffin.
MeElory chose a short, yet strong, name: The "Lane Kiffin Sewage Center." Most Volunteer fans think it has a nice ring to it.
"I think it'd be very fitting. He's definitely garbage," said UT Student Paul Mills.
Now that the application has been sent in and Vol nation anxiously waits in order to hear back from the city council, other fans are beginning to think along the same lines with them.
There are plenty of bad feelings going around college football nowadays. How about naming a building to make a statement about your current or former head coaches' glaring flaw or bump in the road?
Here would be the newest requests for a name change, or even a new construction project, in order to do just that.
Mike Leach Mental Health Institute at Texas Tech
Mike Leach is known for two things around college football nation: his elite coaching skills and his odd-ball personality.
Thanks to Adam James, Leach is now stuck with only one of those traits as he is out of a job for next season after being fired for isolating James in a storage closet due to a concussion suffered by the Red Raider.
The "Cap'n" now finds himself patrolling the halls of the state-of-the-art Mental Health Institute at Texas Tech.
With concussion patients coming in almost everyday, Leach was appointed as a specialist working with patients in dark, isolated corridors.
Leach has been approached by numerous programs about head coaching vacancies but he insists that he is happy coaching the Institute's backyard team.
The team is scheduled next to visit the ESPN Brainwashers in Bristol, Conn. Craig James, the father of the Texas Tech victim, has come out of retirement and will start on the edge for the Brainwashers.
Rich Rodriguez Study Hall at Michigan
Rich Rodriguez spends a lot of time with his football team.
In fact, he spends a little too much time with them.
The saying "too much of anything can be bad" proved to be true as Rodriguez and his staff were accused by several former players of practicing the team more than the 20 hours a week allowed by the NCAA.
The Wolverine players were on an 11-to-11 schedule on Sundays. In one day, they used up half of their allotted time for the week. When asked about the allegations, Rodriguez responded by saying “the truth is that this coaching staff cares very deeply about the young men in our program.”
They care so deeply about the program that they have decided to open up a special study hall dedicated to his football players.
Here, the players will spend four hours a day, studying film, game-plans, and even stat sheets.
Rodriguez knew this would be the only way to bend the rules. Instead of supervising his team (if they attend the study by themselves it is legal in the eyes of the NCAA), he will monitor them with cameras around the room and a speakerphone hung over the doorway.
Recruits will swarm to the idea of the new study building. Who doesn't want to spend their entire college life on a football field, in a study hall, or hanging out with Rich Rod in his office?
Mike Gundy School of Media Relations at Oklahoma State
Lesson one in the School of Media Relations at OSU: don't piss Mike Gundy off.
Reporter Jenni Carlson learned of the rage of Gundy the hard way. After calling out one of his players, or "children" as he referred to him as, the Cowboys head coach showed his vein-popping skills as he lit into Carlson in front of the entire press room.
Thanks in part to the famous press conference room rant, the Cowboys now houses the nation's top school of Media Relations. Although his "speech" towards the reporter was fair and deserved, the school could not appreciate the choice Gundy had made.
In result, Gundy was required to attend the school (which is named after him) for as long as he sheriffs the Cowboys' sideline.
In an angry response, Gundy shouted "I am a man!" at the administration.
"Why must I go back to school? Makes me wanna puke," he continued.
Now that the head coach is settled in and accustomed to his classes, Gundy has no complaints. The YouTube star's rants have been decreased to a minimum this past year.
Charlie Weis Cafeteria at Notre Dame
Charlie Weis' biggest critique during his five years in South Bend was not his inability to develop talent, motivate his team, or even to win a bowl game.
It was his unusually large frame. More specifically, his famous belly.
After gastric by-pass surgery resulted in a near-death experience in 2002, Weis said that he would have "dropped dead" from being overweight.
Luckily for him, the Notre Dame community has listened to his cry for help and answered with a brand-new eatery just for the sole purpose of changing Weis' Kris Kringle-like figure into one more like his idol, Jon Bon Jovi.
The brand new, state of the art lunchroom will be stocked with fresh fruit, a full salad bar, and a Jersey favorite of Weis', corn and cranberries.
Not only will the newest facility offer these selections, but don't expect Charlie's cravings to disappear overnight. Vanilla ice cream, Boston-creme doughnuts, and cannolis will still be making daily appearances.
However, it is here that the sign "Hands Off Charlie!" will hang until Weis figures out a safe and healthy way to revert back to his once Jersey Shore-approved build.
Pete Carroll Graduate Housing at USC
Weis' lunchroom turned into a high school cafeteria just a few months ago when Charlie himself started a vicious rumor about his nemesis, Pete Carroll.
He strongly suggested in an interview with Rivals.com that he believed Carroll had been living (is that what they call it these days?) with a graduate student in Malibu.
The question of if the rumor was true or not was irrelevant as the damage had been done and Carroll was labeled around college football as liking the younger females.
All that can be stated as fact is this mysterious mistress was not the same woman who had given birth to three of Carroll's children.
The "Poodle" now has a cozy, comfortable, and private get-away for him and his younger apprentice after USC Athletic Director Mike Garrett decided it would only be fair to erect brand new housing in memory of Carroll's historic run not only on the football field, but through the student body.
In addition, the new facilities come equipped with a handful of free gifts, gadgets, and of course, a 24-hour limo shuttle service for all residents.
Jim Leavitt Teenage Abuse Treatment Facility at South Florida
Due to a poor choice in judgment on special teams, South Florida sophomore Joel Miller was shown a combination of Jim Leavitt's back-hand and his choke-hold.
Due to an alleged poor choice judgment, Leavitt was shown the door after building the Bulls' program from the ground up.
Leavitt was known for his energetic and up-tempo coaching style. Players thrived off of his energy and his motivational techniques.
However, those "techniques," especially those behind closed doors, are now being questioned at the University's newest building.
In turn of the recent events, the University decided to use the second-highest paid coach in the Big East's money in order to build a treatment center for college students who had suffered from abuse.
The targeted patients are specifically those who have been "pushed around" by their coaching staffs.
It is being reported that the first enrolled patient in the program was an unnamed Texas Tech player.
Les Miles Clock Tower at LSU
The scoreboard read "Ole Miss: 25, LSU: 23".
This was the final straw for LSU fans regarding Les Miles' inability to manage the clock. Fifteen seconds were wasted during that night.
Fifteen seconds that could have been used in order to kick a game-winning field goal.
Instead, that same field-goal was never even attempted thanks to the poor decisions of the LSU coaching staff. Speaking on behalf of Tiger fans, the use of the word "poor" is a major understatement in this head-scratching dilemma Miles put his team in.
Last week, the plans for a clock tower were approved. Construction will begin on the one-year anniversary of the matchup in Baton Rouge between the Rebels and the Tigers.
LSU fans will control the clock, making sure Miles knows exactly how much time is left. In addition, the clock comes equipped with red, flashing sirens. When set off, this means it is time to call that last time-out, Les.
The clock tower was donated by Ole Miss out of gratitude towards Miles for their bid in the Capital One Bowl.
Urban Meyer Cardiac Health Hospital at Florida
As soon as Urban Meyer's departure announcement was leaked to the athletic department in Gainesville, they knew they had to help somehow.
Just a few hours later, the blueprint for a cardiac health center on the Florida campus was proposed and approved by the school board. The construction was set to begin just a few days after the thumbs-up.
With the machines in place and hammers ready to hit the nail heads, things took a complete 180-turn. Meyer said he would only be taking a short leave of absence from the program.
Now a few weeks into construction, the school decided to finish the health center in honor of the man who brought the Gators two rings and a few skipped heart-beats.
The center will be advertised by no other than Tim Tebow himself. When you first step in the center, visitors will see a timeline and documentary of the love and deep relationship of Meyer and his former quarterback.
Inside, family counseling will also be available. As many are aware, Meyer is still struggling with his priorities. Family and football seem to have found themselves in a tie at the top of the once again Gator head coach's list.
With the counseling, the school has made it a priority themselves to make sure that Meyer puts his football team ahead of the rest of his life, including his own heart.