Hello, my name is Robert and I have a problem. It's been three weeks since my last Texans game.
I've tried watching other football games, and while I find them entertaining, they're lacking a certain personal touch.
See, football fans are football fans because the sport fills a primal need for competition, which manifests itself in screaming at the TV and hopefully, some day, in the unparalleled joy of a championship.
It's why I now have a void on Sunday afternoons and why I find myself yelling at the cats and throwing my remote at co-workers.
While I enjoy the playoffs, watching without a true rooting interest is like drinking light beer—it gets the job done, but it's wholly unsatisfying.
On a side note, this is my theory on why the mainstream media has so completely lost its connection with the common fan.
Fans are, by definition, emotional and excitable—two traits that the mainstream medial requires its members to abandon.
They root for the stories, whereas we root for teams. I don't care if the Texans are a good story. I just want them to win.
So, in an effort to recapture some of that excitement, let's look at what went right and wrong this season.
We'll start with the offense and go in reverse order from the most stable and successful positions to the ones that need the most work.
I'm going to use a combination of traditional stats, Football Oustiders, Pro Football Focus, and good old fashioned eye ballin' to make my assessments.
If you're not familiar with those sites, they basically do more advanced football stats (like football sabermetrics), but don't worry, you should still be able to follow along.