Roll, Rex Ryan, Roll: Why Fat Men Must Roll With Sexy Rexy

Fat men catch a lot of flack in this slim worshipping society.

Remember when it was hip to be a hog? Or at the very least fan of the Hogs.

It was cool to be big like Ben Franklin or wear a hog snout in Washington.

So its time, fellow fat men, to roll in behind Rex Ryan.

Rex is not only a bit super sized he's also a breath of fresh air in a league filled mostly with coach-bots who not only look alike but speak in the clipped, boring sound bytes of a trained coach bot.

Who needs 'em? Why do teams still hire 'em?

So what if you were Bill Belichick's ball boy at eight at thirty eight your just another boring coach bot.

And bulky Rex Ryan brings it. He is big and he is brash but so is his defense.

Using tactics designed by his plump old man, Buddy Ryan, he has used an attacking defense to take the New York Jets to new heights.

It's not the boring Cover Two scheme praised by coach bot supreme Lovie Smith in Chicago it's exciting. But it can be burned by big plays.

That was the Achilles Heel of the great old Buddy Ryan Bear defense. The blown coverage or the catch, broken tackle, and big run could kill the blitzing Bear defense but so what?

Why not go down swinging? Send the men after the robotic like Peyton Manning and try to use the fat men up front on the lines to grind the Colts down.

Buddy Ryan could never win in the playoffs but once in awhile a fat men connects. Just ask Big George Foremen. 

The game tomorrow might be like the San Francisco Forty Niners and Chicago Bears 1984 NFC championship.

That Buddy Ryan coached Bear defense was one of the best in the history of the league. Maybe even better then the Super Bowl Shuffle Championship one because they had two stars, Todd Bell and Al Harris, who missed the Bear Super Bowl run with contract holdouts. 

Those Bears, like these Jets, had the leagues best running attack and perhaps the leagues best offensive line in front of the great Walter Payton.

But, since quarterback Jim McMahon lacerated his kidney in a brutal game against the Oakland Raiders earlier that year, they had no quarterback.

And the Forty Niners had Joe Montana and an underrated defense.

That Niner defense blanked the Bears, who the bookmakers were giving nine points to, 23-0.

And Joe Montana, as usual, did more then enough to win.

These Jets, of course, aren't as good as those Bears. But Peyton Manning is not as good as Joe Montana was in playoff games either.

And this Colt defense isn't near as good as that 1984 San Francisco one.

History never repeats itself. But bad karma sometimes bites and these Colts had a chance to put the Fat Man and his Jets away at the end of the season.

But the Colts tanked the game

And gave the Fat Man a fighting chance.

His team loves him and plays hard for him. How many other pro ball clubs can say that?

Anything can happen.

Raider fans still remember the flabby Goose Siragusa flopping fat on-top of their quarterback Rich Gannon, and knocking him out, in an AFC Championship game.

So, fat men, fall in. 

It's time for the behemoths to bring it.

Lets give leviathans some love tomorrow.

If ye even vaguely resemble some type of super sized sea creature ye most don Jet Green tomorrow.

Grab some beers, not light ones either girly man, some cheese laced with bacon, fresh cut french fries soaked in gravy, garlic wings, potato chips cooked in lard, beef sticks, and big bacon burgers and support your favorite fat man.

Sit back and scream send ten men after slim Manning.

Stand up and shout run behind those big green beasts.

Sing stuff the line with seven super sized men. 

Shout out that fat is fabulous.

And, if the Colts defense anaconda squeezes the Jet offense, and its inexperienced quarterback slowly to death, lay back and play an old Lowell George Little Feat tune called Fat Man In The Bathtub.

Throw me a line, throw me a line
'Cause there's a fat man in the bathtub with the blues
I hear you moan, I hear you moan, I hear you moan