TNHogan: Change We Do NOT Believe In

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TNHogan: Change We Do NOT Believe In

TNA Fans do NOT believe in this change

A 56-year old man brought change, but Orlando just was NOT believing in it. Mr Hogan swapped the six-sided playpen that seemingly only brought rise to childish flying about from some forgotten wrestlers in a forgotten division, in exchange for a more conventional four-sided ring.

While the Internet is in uproar over this calamity, our sources indicate Hogan had a very legitimate reason for eliminating the one remaining difference between TNA and WWE, the reason being every time Terry Bollea practised his run off the ropes for the Atomic Legdrop he keep bumping into one of the extra turnbuckles in TNA’s hexagon.

Considering the back problems our saviour has had, I’m sure the 1100 Hulkamaniacs in the Impact Zone will soon come to forgive him.


Sean
Morely/ Val Venis is NOT an Adult Film STAR

Further problems with the Orlando crowd, who were told off for calling Sean Morely a “porn star.” Whilst Universal Studios staff were not amused, it would seem none of them watch the show that’s recorded in their own studio, which depicts a certain Mr Morely as A PORN STAR.  

Internet postings indicate that a group of TNA Orlando fans known as the “Crucial Crew” intend to storm the ring in protest during tapings.  This is not the first time a studio audience has tried to storm the stage due to their displeasure at the creative direction of a show.

Back in 1996, hundreds of fans interrupted a “Friends” taping because they were furious at the idea of Ross cheating on Rachael. We do expect the Crucial Crew to relent quickly though, especially since TNA have been looking for people to help training with Big Rob Terry.


Orlando Hates Jordan

Orlando Jordan’s upset win over the Pope, coupled with several other pieces of news coming out of TNA indicate that Jordan is set to begin a new gimmick. Just like Eric Young cannot defend the Global Championship on American soil, Orlando Jordan cannot lose any match in Orlando.

The news of Jordan beating Pope has caused more strife in the IWC, who view Orlando as bland and uncharismatic compared to the Pope. Then again, the same IWC only three years ago said that a certain Elijah Burke was bland and uncharismatic. So for now, we will just have to take their opinion under advisement.


Scott’s Hall Gambling Issues

Scott Hall’s vices have started to effect his in ring work. The Bad Guy’s love for gambling caused him to put his involvement in the Band’s match against Beer Money on the line in a Rock, Paper and Scissors match. Sean Waltman cleared Hall out, who punched a fan out later as he fretted over losing the bet.


(The)
Brian Kendrick

Brian Kendrick made his TNA return at Genesis, in the X Division Title match against the Amazing Red. It seems Kendrick has returned to his former ring name after Red made it clear he was the only one in TNA who could use “The.”

Red proceeded to defeat Kendrick, making Kendrick the first wrestler to have lost to a 60 year old guy (Jerry Lawler) and a 16 year old guy back to back. A Guinness Record is in the offing for Kendrick, which has TNA thrilled at the chance of MAINSTREAM publicity.


Bubba the Kong Sponge

As you should know by now, Awesome Kong (leader of TNA efforts to help Haiti) punched Bubba the Love Sponge (TNA employee who insulted Haiti). Although earlier reports mentioned Bubba refused to retaliate for fear of legal ramifications, we can now exclusively reveal Bubba did not retaliate because of fear that Kong would further destroy him.

 

It's Time For a Change, Brother!

 

WWE Legal is expected to sue Hulk Hogan for copyright infringement. WWE still owns Owen Hart's "Enough is Enough and It's Time For  A Change" gimmick. We believe WWE has listed both Hulk Hogan and Barack Obama II as defendants. Once again, TNA are expected to take this to court in exchange for the enormous potential for media coverage.

 

Short Term Memory Loss:

 

TNA writers seem to be suffering from the same syndrome that plagued Dory the Fish in Finding Nemo. Just four years after Jeff Jarrett won the World Title in the Orlando Screwjob, AJ Styles emulated Double J by retaining his World Title with some assistance from good ol' Earl Hebner who must be getting bored with these screwjobs by now.

As for Vince Russo, we really have to take his word that he never watches WWE unless Randy Orton's on. If cheap Vinny Ru had plunked down the cash for Breaking Point he might have noticed WWE calling dibs on the latest incarnation of the screwjob.

 

That's TNHogan for this week. Fully appreciate all comments, and see you next time!

Image Credit: TNAWrestling.com

 

 

 

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